January 5, 2016January 6, 2016 Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Ready, Set, Pick Your Gender!

transgender blog 2 Ready, set, pick your gender! Yes, that’s right. British school children as young as 4 have begun switching genders. According to the Telegraph as many as eighty 3-5 year-olds in England will want to dress and act like the opposite sex. Admittedly, 80 British primary students do not constitute a statistically significant number. (There are more than 900,000 primary students in Great Britain). But the number and the increasing number of non-profits supporting kids with transgender feelings signifies that the transgender debate is gaining steam. Are we ready to parent our kids through these choppy waters of the sexual revolution? Here are three things to consider.

Three Biblical Responses

We don’t need to panic or start throwing our transgender neighbors overboard. We need to extend love and compassion to them, realizing that their struggles are very real. And then, we need to offer them the hope of the gospel.
We need to start charting a biblical worldview for our kids. We need to teach our kids the full counsel of God. When it’s time to read Genesis 1-2, I Corinthians 5:1-5, and Ephesians 5, we need to talk to our kids about gender, sex, and marriage. Instead running for the topsails when our kids bring up sex, we need to thoughtfully engage them and encourage them to keep the questions coming. We need to foster of spirit of openness with our children. And then, we need to teach our kids how to sail through life by modeling male leadership and demonstrating biblical femininity within the home. We need to show our kids about God’s view of gender. Jesus doesn’t think gender is a choice. Let’s make sure our kids know God’s plan.
Let’s be patient. Studies have shown that around 80% of kids with transgender feelings will re-identify with their biological gender. Practically, we don’t need to panic when our son puts on a play dress. Nor should we worry that all of our little girl’s friends are boys. At 4, most kids have no clue what they are doing and have no clue what being transgender means. And we shouldn’t expect them to. There is a reason why preschoolers have parents and can’t apply for credit cards and mortgages. What adult in his or her right mind thinks preschoolers can understand the ramifications of hormone replacement therapy or a sex change operation? Instead of asking our kids to make decisions they cannot hope to fathom, we should patiently teach them biblical view of gender. We guide our little boys to be masculine, selfless leaders and our girls to be feminine, thoughtful helpers. And in time, most kids will embrace their God given gender.

What About The Other 20%?

But what about the other 20%? How do we help children who honestly feel that they are trapped in the wrong body? How do we help our kids and their friends overcome their angst, their fears, and their suicidal thoughts? Shouldn’t we want all kids to feel happy and fulfilled?

And the answer is a resounding yes! But according to Jesus, happiness and fulfillment are not found within. As Christians, we should never encourage people to recreate God’s will so that he matches their feelings. Instead, we should call people to recreate their feelings to match God’s will. Notice what Jesus says in Mathew 16:24 ““If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Bending the world to match our mental perceptions does not bring us closer to God. Self-realization actually only brings separation and harm. Just ask Jewel Shuping who had her psychologist pour drain cleaner into her eyes, enabling her to fulfill her lifelong dream of being blind. Steering our lives by the stars of human ingenuity always leads us away from the peace of God and often into physical harm. To find the joy of eternal life, we have to abandon our earthly desires and set our minds on the things above. Nothing else will make us right with God. Nothing else will must us happy.

Recently, the former psychiatrist-in-chief of John Hopkins Hospital, Dr. McHugh, noted that those who undergo a sex change do not gain peace. They continue to struggle with depression after surgery. After all, a sex change cannot truly change one’s biological nature. Hands, hips, chromosomes, and a whole host of other things cannot be remade this side of heave. Salvation cannot be achieved with the scalpel…only destruction. True hope is found in Christ alone!

In 2016, we will continue to see more and more stories about transgender kids. And some of us will directly encounter a child wrestling with transgender leanings in 2016. But, we don’t have to be scared. The Bible clearly and compassionately speaks to gender. We have access to real hope: Jesus! Are you and your kids ready for the transgender debate?

August 18, 2015April 21, 2016 Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Target, Transgender, and the Sexual Revolution for Kids

Target’s decision to remove gender-based signage is the latest attempt to make our kids’ lives more balanced i.e. gender neutral. The retail giant is following the example of TLC who recently replaced the Duggars with I AM Jazz. And TLC is following the lead of several state legislatures who passed laws that permit kids to pick their sports’ teams and restrooms based upon one’s gender expression. And as a recent serious of blogs by the Huffington Post further reveals that the sexual revolution has zeroed in our kids via the transgender debate.

Now, the arrival of the transgender debate into our grade schools while shocking is not totally unanticipated. Studies have shown (and all the articles and T.V. specials on transgender kids I’ve watched indicate) that many of the kids who struggle with the gender identity come from dysfunctional families. Their fathers have either physically or emotionally abandon the family. And their moms (either because of necessity or because of their temperament) are strong (even at times overbearing) leaders in the home. These kids have never seen a man biblically sacrifice for his family. Nor have they seen a woman bionically encourage her husband to lead. They don’t know that men are generally strong and aggressive and that women are generally more nurturing and introspective. The growing number of broken and dysfunctional homes has opened the door for the transgender discussion. In short, our kids are confused about how to express their gender because their parents and grandparents are confused.

And, our culture welcomes the confusion. America has increasingly made sexual freedom the apex of civilization. The freedom to express one’s sexual preference has even begun to trump the freedom of religion and the freedom of the press. Up till now, kids had no way to be included in the sexual revolution. Grade-schoolers can’t meaningfully declare themselves to be heterosexual or homosexual. But they can grasp what it means to a boy or what it means to be a girl. By saying they want to switch genders, kids can instantly become defined by sexuality well before puberty. Our culture welcomes such declarations. Transgender kids are given their own reality T.V shows, are praised in blogasphere, and catered to by Target. Secular society wants everyone including kids to defined by their sexual choices.

As Christians parents and grandparents, we shouldn’t fear #JazzHands and the transgender revolution that is descending upon our kids. But, we need to be ready to talk about it. Our kids will have questions. Thankfully, the Bible has a lot to say about gender.

What the Bible Says:

The Bible clearly states that God assigns gender and not humanity. We ready in Genesis that God created people male and female (5:2). And Jesus reaffirms Genesis saying, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female” (Matthew 19:4). Gender and sexual expression are determined by God from the beginning of time. My wife is a woman and I am a man because we were biologically created by God to be a woman and a man. Everything from our hormones, to our blood cells, to our sexual organs declares that my wife and I are uniquely female and male. We didn’t choose our gender identity. We were created with it.

And this inheritance is a beautiful thing. Both males and females are created in the image of God. Both are uniquely valuable. According to the scriptures, no one needs to change their gender to find meaning and love. Rather the opposite is true. We find happiness by expressing the gender God has given us. The more we follow God’s principles as outlined in the bible, the happier we become.

For a boy to choose to be a girl or for a girl to choose to be a boy, they must reject God’s design for their life. They must, as Bruce Jenner did, declare God to be a mistaken creator who carelessly sticks women in men’s bodies. To be transgender is to ultimately say that you are wiser than God. It is an expression of pride that separates men and women and boys and girls from the love of Jesus Christ.

How To Respond:

First we must not over react. A boy who loves to cook spaghetti is not necessarily a girl at heart. Nor should we think that a girl who has a killer three-point-shot is really a boy in disguise. Because both genders were created by God to enjoy his world, both boys and girls can have similar interests. Yes, men were designed to lead the family. And women were designed to nurture. And the bodies of little boys and girls are different. But such distinctions of purpose do not make all sports masculine or all artistic expressions feminine. Ultimately for the Christian, our humanity and purpose is not derived from our sexuality but rather from God’s character. God created the arts, the sciences, and the physical world. We should fully expect members of both genders to enjoy math, oil painting, and football within their masculine and feminine paradigms.

Second, we need to love transgender kids. We should not minimize their connection with the opposite sex. Their feelings are real. And we must treat them with respect and sympathy. We too were once hopelessly lost in sins.

But love also demands that we declare the truth of the gospel. We can only find salvation and joy by overcoming our natural, sinful feelings through the power of the cross. When we encounter Jesus, the porn addict becomes pure, the liar tells the truth, and the boy who wants to be a girl embraces biblical masculinity. The most loving thing we can do for a transgender child is to call them to repent.

Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life – John 13:24-25

Lastly and most importantly, we need to follow the gospel. Kids are confused about sexuality because previous generations have abandoned God’s plan for the family. Men have failed to lead. Women have failed to follow. Both men and women have removed sex from the safety of marriage. In so doing, they’ve haphazardly shattered numerous marriages via divorce. The best and only way to combat our culture’s view of sexuality is to embrace the biblical view of marriage, sex, and family. Only once we (Christians) embrace Christ commands for the family, can we expect our kids to understand and embrace God design for gender.

October 22, 2014February 10, 2015 Peter Witkowski Apologetics

Accepting Pedophilia

For the last few years, I have quietly told people that the next big battle of the sexual revolution will be over our children. The rationalization, decrimination, and societal acceptance of pedophiles seemed to be years away. I thought it would be the pressing issue of my son’s generation. However, the recent trends seem to suggest that the push to normalize sexual interactions between adults and minors will shortly become a mainstream issue. As Christians, we need to ready to address the issue of pedophilia.

Staying Current

Late in 2014, the famous novelist, John Grissom, stoked the flames of the discussion by defending adults who downloaded child pornography. He sees no reason to imprison guys for few unwise clicks. After all he said, “These people haven’t hurt anybody” (Oldenburg, 2014)

Sadly, Grisham is not alone when it comes to mainstream thought. The famed Atheist, Richard Dawkins agrees with the author. Reflecting on his own experiences of being molested by a male prep school teacher as a child, the scientist concluded,

I don’t think he did any of us any lasting damage (Singh, 2014).

Defining Pedophilia Today

According to WebMD, “A pedophile is a person who has a sustained sexual orientation toward children, generally aged 13 or younger” (Martin). (The age at whence a preference is an expression of pedophilia or normal sexual behavior has not been firmly established). Though there is still some debate over whether pedophilia should be mentioned in the same breath as “gay, straight, and bi-sexual,” the inevitability of its arrival as a sexual orientation is not in question. The Harvard Mental Health Letter concluded back in 2010 that, “Consensus now exists that pedophilia is a distinct sexual orientation, not something that develops in someone who is homosexual or heterosexual” (Pessimism About Pedophilia, 2010) Moreover, almost every mental health representative thinks that a person’s attraction to a child cannot be cured. Perhaps, it can be controlled with therapy. But the disposition towards loving children cannot be undone. As a recent New York Times article made very clear, lusting after a child is not inherently wrong because it is a natural phenomenon. The editorialist wrote,

A pedophile should be held responsible for his conduct — but not for the underlying attraction (Kaplan, 2014).

The only question keeping pedophilia from wide cultural acceptance is the question, “Should sex between a child and an adult be deemed appropriate conduct?” The answer is increasingly becoming a yes.

Researchers contend that adults should only have the freedom to engage in sexual acts that do not lead to the, “the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner” (Martin). To be deemed acceptable, pedophiliac actions would have to result in positive experiences for all involved. Over the past 20 years, researchers have begun noticing that Richard Dawkins view is more normative than most Americans thing. One researcher concluded from a meta-study (compiled from 1998-2000) that sexual encounters between adults and children do not, “cause intense harm on a pervasive basis regardless of gender (Rind, Bauserman, & Tromovitch, 1998).” In other words, if a boy or a girl entered willingly into the experience, the child often viewed the experience positively. As another supporter of pedophilia Tom O’Carroll said in a recent interview,

It is the quality of the relationship that matters. If there’s no bullying, no coercion, no abuse of power, if the child enters into the relationship voluntarily … the evidence shows there need be no harm (Henley, 2013).

The Path Towards Acceptance

In 2014, pedophilia was deemed by psychologists to be a natural, human condition that does not necessitate harm against children. Furthermore when the sexual expressions of pedophiles are limited to consensual encounters, their actions are increasingly seen as being “harmless” if not even a positive experiences for children. How long can a secular society devoid of Christian undergirding resist the urge to legalize pedophilia? After all, isn’t it another expression of love? And who are we to tell others who they can and cannot love?

I fear the discussion and the resulting acceptance of pedophilia will continue to gain momentum. And here is why: According to a 2004 study by the U.S. department of Education, almost 1 of every 10 public school kids will be sexually harassed by a school employee (teacher, principal, coach, etc.) (Shakeshaft, 2004, p. 20). And even more troubling, 6 of every 100 kids will have some type of physical encounter with a school employee (Ibid). In other words, 6 out of every 100 kids in our schools will be involved in sexual acts with a pedophile (Ibid). This is a lot of children and adults (not to mention those involved coaches, family members, clergy, other adults and children not associated with the public school system).

Despite all the marches, protests, and controversial judicial rulings, homosexuality is becoming a normative part of American society mostly because we all have a likeable neighbor, teacher, or sister who is a homosexual. When it comes to American sexual ethics, familiarity breeds acceptance.

Though a different issue, I don’t think it’s farfetched to believe that pedophilia will follow the same trajectory. One day soon, we will probably all know someone who has participated in a pedophiliac action. When that time comes (it may be here), will the members of American society really want to punish what they deem to be a natural and often loving behavior? Will Americans really want to send their “often professionally accomplished and even celebrated” adult brothers, neighbors, and coworkers to prison” for crimes of loving passion (p. 31)? As Sarah Goode, one of the leading researchers supporting the reclassification of pedophilia commented,

We outlawed homosexuality, and we were wrong. Perhaps we’re wrong about paedophilia (Henley, 2013).

Are we wrong again?

A Christian Response

As a Christian who affirms the Bible as the inspired word of God, I believe the answer is a resounding, “No; we were not wrong.” We should uphold the scriptures and oppose the spread of both homosexuality and pedophilia (and all other sins). The question facing Christians is not one of love or of practicality. Paul condemns the Corinthian man who slept with his stepmom without care for the two’s emotional state or rational (I Cor. 5:1-2). The question for Paul and for all Christians is: “What does God say about sex?”

According to the divine scriptures, God says that sex is designed to occur within the confines of a marriage between a man and a woman. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). God’s Genesis command is reaffirmed by both Christ and his apostles (Mat 19:5; Mark 10:7; Eph. 5:31). Any other sexual action that occurs outside of a loving, monogamous marriage relationship, whether tied to pornography, fornication, homosexuality, or adultery is sin. And every time we depart from God’s plan for sex, Holding Hands relationships are broken, people suffer both emotionally and financially, and God is dishonored (Brandon, 2009, pp. 114, 135).

Since pedophilia is an attraction to an age type, it often cannot be expressed within the confines of marriage. As the child becomes an adult, the pedophile will have to find a new and younger lover. God’s plan calls for monogamy. “So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:15b). As Christians, we are to find our sexual satisfaction in our spouse until death do us part.

Sadly, some of the relationships between a minor and an adult occasionally end in marriage. But the marriage of a pubescent child to an adult, contradicts the Biblical idea. A 12-year-old child cannot leave and cleave to their new spouse who is some 20 years their senior. Studies indicate that children enter into a relationship with an adult viewing the adult as their new parent (Shakeshaft, 2004, p. 33). Moreover, the child cannot manage a house, adequately care for children (and in some cases they are not even physically ready to reproduce), or provide for their families. Consequently in pedophiliac relationships, men and women are not leaving their parents to start a new family. Rather, kids are being manipulated into embracing new parent who offers sexual favors. We must oppose pedophilia.

Dear Parents

As parents, we must also frame the sex conversation for our kids. As they approach puberty, we need to help them understand that sex is natural, good, and enjoyable. Then, we need to help them understand that sex is designed by God to be experienced within the safe, stable, and loving paramiters of marriage. If our kids grasp the Biblical concept of sex, they will be bettered prepared to resists the advances of pedophiles, understanding that all offers of sex prior to marriage are wrong. Though it may be awkward and uncomfortable for us to talk about the birds and the bees, we need to help our kids understand sex. If we do not, the world will, and it will not go well for our children.

Hope For A Broken World

Lastly, we should also offer hope to our lost and dying world through the love of Christ. The phycologists, the pundits, and the professors all say there is no hope for pedophiles. They can manage their symptoms, but they can’t change. How depressing! But these claims are only partially true. Yes, people cannot change their desires! But, God can!

If we trust in Christ, God will make us new creations! He will radically cause us to put off our sinful desires and embrace righteousness. Notice what Paul says in I Corinthians 6:9-11

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Such were some of you! Churches are made up of sinners who were once trapped in all kinds of sins (self included). We were all hopeless, unchangeable at one point. And then God changed us! I understand that some men and women are predisposed to be pedophiles. Their natural, sinful tendency is to lust after children. But there is hope. God can redeem such desires. The dead can be brought to life. Pedophiles can be changed!

Now admittedly, some believers may still be tempted to lust after children post salvation. Addressing sexual sin, Pastor Sam Allberry writes,

We continue to struggle with sin. Temptation does not cease. The full healing and deliverance we long for are not promised this side of creation (p. 50).

Though temptations may not end (and I may not think it wise to let some people serve in our children’s ministry) desires and their resulting action do change by the power of Christ. As long as we have time, we have the hope of change! Let’s care for troubled souls by offering them the hope of Christ.

Works Cited

Allberry, S. (2013). Is God Anti-Gay. The Good Book Company .

Brandon, G. (2009). Just Sex: Is it ever just sex? Nottingham: Inter-Varsity Press.

Henley, J. (2013, January 2). Paedophilia: bringing dark desires to light. Retrieved October 9, 2014, from theguardian.com: http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jan/03/paedophilia-bringing-dark-desires-light

Kaplan, M. (2014, 10 5). The Opinion Pages. Retrieved 10 6, 2014, from http://www.nytimes.com: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/06/opinion/pedophilia-a-disorder-not-a-crime.html?_r=1

Martin, L. J. (n.d.). What is Pedophillia . Retrieved 10 9, 2014, from http://www.webmd.com: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/explaining-pedophilia

Oldenburg, A. (2014, 10 16). John Grisham: Child porn senences often too harsh . Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.usatoday.com: http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2014/10/16/john-grisham-child-porn-white-guys-prison-harsh-pedophiles/17344755/

Pessimism About Pedophilia. (2010). Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2010/July/pessimism-about-pedophilia

Rind, B., Bauserman, R., & Tromovitch, P. (1998). A Meta-Analytic Examinaiton of Assumed Properties of Child Sexual Abuse Using College Samples. Physchological Bulletin, 22-53.

Shakeshaft, C. (2004). Educator Sexaul Misconduct: A Synthesis of Existing Literature. Hutington.

Singh, A. (2014, 6 14). Richard Dawkins in storm over ‘mild date rape’ tweeets. Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.telegraph.co.uk: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/10998498/Richard-Dawkins-in-storm-over-mild-date-rape-tweets.html