Peter Witkowski Apologetics

Is It Time To Update Our Romance?

romanceIs it time to celebrate open marriages and relationships? According to Carrie Jenkins who recently wrote an article published in Aeon magazine the answer is a resounding, “Yes!” Championing her polyamorous position, Jenkins encourages repressed polygamist to boldly declare and to act upon their philosophical ideals. And though these ideas lack some societal acceptance, many people in today’s world have no problem with the lifestyle. For example, men have always had the ability to live and even to institutionalize the polygamist lifestyle. Western society permits men to ‘sow their wild oats,’ to boast about their romantic conquests, and to keep mistresses. But women are not allowed such freedom. Jenkins notes, “there is no word for a male ‘”mistress.'” Lamenting our current society’s enslavement to patriarchal thinking, the writer concludes that,

We must get beyond this. We need to question the limits we have placed on what counts as a “romantic” relationship. Freedom to love — the right to choose one’s own relationships without fear, shame or secrecy — is critical, not just for individuals but for us all collectively.

The times have changed, and it is time for our culture to change with us. Jenkins goes on to say,

Non-conformity is the mechanism that reshapes the social construct to better represent who we are, and who we want to be. Instead of forcing our relationships to conform to what society thinks love is, we could force the image of love to conform to the realities of our relationships.

Jenkins piece give us much to think about. And some on the fringes of Christendom may even agree with her. Most every youth group in America has had a sex-crazed teenager advocate for polyamorous relationships, citing the stories of Abraham, David, and Solomon. These men obviously did not embrace the monogamous relationship ideal found in today’s conservative churches. And still, God blessed those men of old.

But hidden behind both this biblical claim and Jenkins’ support for open relationships is a desire to radically redefine our family structure. They want to redefine the very core of who we are and who are neighbors are. As Jenkins notes, “Our ideals of “’romantic”’ love regulate not just our expectations about sex but also our conceptions of family and the nature of parenthood.” And so, we are left with the question: “Can we redefine love; can we redefine the very basis of human interaction?”

As Christians, we must respond with a resounding, “No.” We did not create the ideal of romantic love. It is not a social construct of our pleasing.

God originated the idea when he put Adam and Eve in the garden (Gen. 5:2). And, God placed one man and one women in paradise. From eternity, God has intended for monogamous marriage to be the bedrock of society (Eph. 5:22-33). All other expressions of sexuality are deemed to be unlawful.

The advancement of the polyamorous relationship originates via humanity after the fall. And Christ is extremely clear. Fallen humanity cannot improve on the perfection of the creator.

For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. – Matt. 15:19.

As we seek to reform society to fit our new view of romantic love, we will not better society. We will not discover that long sought for happiness that has alluded us. We will find hurt, despair, and dysfunction. From our hearts come evil thoughts. There is nothing good within our souls.

Think back to all those men in the Bible who sought to improve upon the monogamous lifestyle. Abraham family winds up in never ending turmoil (Gen. 21). Samson dies because of his sexual exploits (Jud. 16). Shechem is murdered (Gen. 34). David’s kingdom is rocked by wars and calamities because of his infidelity (2 Sam. 12). And Solomon loses the very kingdom that David created because of the wise king embraced the polygamous (I Kings 11). Sexual freedom is never praised. It never has a happy ending. Self-discovery and new romantic norms do not liberate their champions. They destroy them.

However, I do agree with Jenkins’ point that men have been giving a different standard. As Christians, we should mourn this societal debacle. And, we should address it both in our churches and in our homes. But to be clear, the solution is not found in the redefinition of romance. The solution is found in a return to the biblical ethic.

If we champion the words of Scripture, we will no longer be able to tolerate this double standard. We call fornication and adultery what they are: sin. We will no longer excuse the men who are addict to porn. We will no longer look the other way when our men go to strip clubs and hire prostitutes while away on business. We will not allow boys to be boys. We will preach the truth boldly, decrying all sexual sin. We must do away with the allusion that God winks at the sexual sins of our sons, husbands, and fathers. As Paul writes:

Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, not adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. – Cor. 6:9-10

Now to be fair, Jenkins is not advocating for us to change the Christian ethic. She is advocating for us to abandon it. But as Christians, we must not. And we do not cling to our Bibles because we fear social uncertainty. We do not the fear growing pains of the next generation. We fear the God of the universe who offers us true hope. We abide with him for he alone has words of eternal life.

Peter Witkowski Discipleship, Parenting

Why Don’t They Get It?

why-dont-people-get-it“Why don’t they get it?” is a question we often ask as parents. Why don’t our kids understand that crawling off the sofa, sticking Cheetos up their noses, and driving their cars via their knees while texting never ever ends well? Why? Why?

But if we are willing to be honest; it is not just the kids that we wonder about. When we look around our churches, we can be tempted to ask them same question. “Why don’t they get it?” Why doesn’t Sally see that her complaining is super unhelpful, why doesn’t Jim realize that criticizing other peoples’ kids produces nothing but useless conflict, and why doesn’t Susie understand that her constant attack on sugary drinks is not leading people any closer to Christ? Why don’t people understand the beauty and glory of Christ like we do? Why don’t people get it?

The easy answer is, “they cannot get it.” Apart from Jesus’ divine revelation none of us can get it. No one can understand spiritual things on their own. In Mark 8:22-26, Jesus heals a blind man in Bethsaida. But he does not heal the man in the usual way. He first touches the man’s eye and then ask if the man can see. The man responds in verse 24 saying, “I see people but they look like trees, walking.” Some people have assumed that the man did not see at first because he lacked faith. His faith was only powerful enough for a half healing, if you will.

But this is not what is going on. No mention is made of the man’s faith. And Jesus is more than powerful enough to overcome a little unbelief. Look at all the miracles Jesus performed for the disciples benefits. They were not exactly the most ardent believers as Jesus began his ministry.

Rather Christ performs the miracle in stages because he wants his disciples and us to understand an important lesson. We do not lead ourselves to Christ. Jesus is showing us that salvation and spiritual knowledge comes exclusively through him.

The man starts out blind in the narrative. Christ touches the man’s eyes; he begins to see. Jesus touches the man’s eyes a second time and he fully sees.

Right before the miracle in Mark 8:21 Jesus directly asked his disciples, “Do you not understand?” In short, he asks them,  “why do you not understand who I am and what I am about. Why don’t you get it?” The disciples have seen Jesus perform bunches and bunches of miracles. And yet they don’t get it. They don’t understand who Jesus fully is.  So, why don’t they get it?

Well, Jesus doesn’t leave us in suspense. He answers his question with a miracle. Jesus shows them that spiritual knowledge comes only through the miraculous power of Christ. Through this miracle, Jesus teachers the disciples that they are blind and that they can only see when Christ gives them sight. And by working in stages, Jesus shows his disciples that people can be a different parts of the spectrum. Some see vaguely. Others see clearly. But both have encountered the living God and have received their sight from him. Both can only see what they see via God’s help.

What does this mean for us?

First, we must embrace humility.

The reason we get something, the reason we don’t struggle with complaining, bad language, or credit card debt is not because we are something special. We have not worked hard enough nor been bright enough intellectually to earn this standing. We have received mercy through Christ Jesus our savior. We have the understanding we have because God has caused our blind eyes to see. We are started out just as blind as everyone else. We must not forget where we came from.

And we must know where we are going. We are on our way to perfection in heaven. But we are not there yet. And though God has granted us some spiritual wisdom and insight, we have not arrived. Remember Peter. In Mark 8:29, we see that Peter final gets it and declares that Jesus is the Christ! And then Peter turns around and tells Jesus to abandon the gospel. In short great growth is meet by great failure.

The same is true of us. We should want to be peaceable, kind, and out of debt. But the moment we place our hope in our nice words, or our generous giving, or in our budget, we become prideful and prone to sin. If we measure our success by our own standards and fail to realize that God also wants us to love our spouse better, to stop judging others eating habits, we still have some serious blindness in our own souls. In short, God wants us to conform ever part of who we are to who he is. This is a lifelong task. No one has arrived. No one sees perfectly this side heaven.

Second, we must extend mercy to others.

The reason we handle complaining better than our kids is not because we are superior people. We avoid the whininess of life, because God has been gracious to us. He has opened our eyes fully while our kids see only vaguely on their way to saving faith. Instead of condemning people as stupid, worthless, or worthy of punishment, we should extend mercy to them. As we discipline our kids for the hundredth time, we don’t blow up in anger telling them that we were never as reckless as them. Rather, we discipline them in love, telling them that we know obedience is hard. Instead of shouting at our cranky family member, we should endure their prideful boasts knowing that only God’s mercy keeps us from committing the same sin. And when people at church fail to see theology the way we do, we do not beat them into submission with logic. Rather, we lovingly point them to the Scriptures trusting God to work in both of our hearts.

Because here is the great truth. If God begins to open people’s eyes, he will give them full sight. He will not leave them half blind. We very well may not be God’s intended agent of change in someone’ life. But God is still working. Instead of trusting in our arguments to give sight, we must appeal to God to work. He will make the blind see!

And If we truly understand that we all begin our spiritual quest blind, we will stop asking, “Why don’t they get it?” And we will start asking, “Why do I get anything?”

S0, what question are you asking?

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Pilgrim’s Progress: The Original Religious Journey

piglrims-progess-journey“We are on a journey” is a phrase tossed about frequently in today’s religiously minded world. We are all said to be searching for meaning and significance. Many think their journey is an uncertain trip whose destinations rapidly changes according to the times and events of the universe.

I too enjoy employing the journey language when talking about spiritual things. But despite our language to the contrary, this journey is not one of our making. As John Bunyan shows in his beautiful allegory, Pilgrim’s Progress, God ordained that all of humanity would set forth from the City of Destruction, Vanity Fair, or some other worldly place. And God decreed that we all will arrive at one of two places: Hell or the Celestial City. As Good Will once told Christian, “Yes, there are many ways Butt down upon this: and they are Crooked and Wide; But thus thou may’st distinguish the right from wrong, That only being the straight and narrow.”

Admittedly, we can arrive at both Hell and Heaven through a variety of unique circumstances. As Bunyan wrote,

I saw that there was to Hell, even from the Gates of Heaven, as well as from the City of Destruction.

Many choose the broad way and are crushed into Hell as they search for silver in Demas’ cave. Others are ushered into Beelzebub’s kingdom as they chase after the worldly glory sold at Vanity Fair. And still others venture barely outside of the City of Destruction, like Pliable, and are consumed when the Lord returns in judgement.

But some stay on the narrow path. They get to Heaven by being burned at the stake like Faithful. Others struggle poorly through life as Little Faith did. And others walk faithfully through the waters of death like Christian and Hopeful.

Regardless of their religion, philosophy, or hopes, no man, woman, or child found another ending to their journey. Mr. Legality, Mr. Atheist, and Mr. Talkative cannot will another destination into existence. All arrived at either Hell or Heaven. All must decide if they will love this world or the one true God.

And now we must face the questions that Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress seeks to answer. How do we get to the Celestial city? How do we escape the wrath to come?

The Story Begins

First, we must recognize that we are sinners. We must recognize like Christian, the Hero of the story, did that he stands in judgment. We must understand that because our sin, we deserve death and God’s wrath.  As Romans 6:23 makes clear: “The wages of sin is death.”

dangerous-jouney-6We must ask with Christian, “What shall I do to be saved?”

And we must realize that we do have a large burden of sin on our back that weighs us down composed of all our lies, hateful words, evil thoughts and actions. And we must recognize that we can do nothing to remove it. We cannot say enough good things to get rid of our sin. We cannot go to church enough to make God overlook our sin. Mr. Legality and World Wiseman cannot save us. We must appeal to God for salvation.   And then we must flee our place of origin, our sinful nature, and put our fingers in our ears and run, crying “Life, Life, Eternal Life.”

We must embrace Christ as our Lord and Savior. To do so, we must believe as did Hopeful, one of Christian’s friends on the journey, that:

Christ Jesus came into the World to save sinners. He is the end of the Law for righteousness to everyone that believers. He died for our sins, and rose again for our justification: He loved us, and washed us from our sin in his own blood: He is the Mediator between God and us.

Paul wrote in Galatians 3:13, “Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”).

We must realize that we are under the law, and then we must trust Christ to redeem us from the law through his death. We must believe that Jesus saves. And, we must kneel before the cross like Christian did.

And when we do, we will experience great relief. Our burden like Christian’s will fall away. Our worldly ragged clothes stained by sin will be replaced with heavenly garments.

For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him – 2 Corinthians 5:21

The moment we believe, we are fully redeemed, saved, and children of God. Nothing and no one can separate us from God’s love.

The Story Continues

Although we are citizens of the heavenly city, our journey does not end at salvation.

When Christian was at Interpreter’s house, he watched many dramas unfold. One such drama takes place outside of a castle guarded by strong soldiers. Many people wanted to go into the castle. But no one dared challenge the guards standing by the door. Finally, “a man of a very stout countenance” came up and told the man at the gate write down his name in the book of life (p.33). And then the stout man began to fight his way through the guards who attacked him, “with deadly force” (p.33). But the man was not discouraged by the wounds he received. And he fought on into the palace and was clothed with eternal glory.

In short, Bunyan understood that the Christian life was a battle. The pilgrim’s journey was difficult one that would require divine resolve. As Bunyan wrote, all those who follow Christ will can expect to experience,

Wearisomness, Painfulness, Hunger, Perils, Nakedness, Sword, Lions, Dragons, Darkness; and in a word death

And the concerns that Mr. World-Wiseman’s mentioned to Christian become very real. As the story unfolded, Christian ran into many of these things. But what lay ahead of him was more than worthy of all of these sufferings.  And Christian knew that all those who persevered would enter the Celestial City.

As Christian traveled through this life he encountered many hardships. First, he met with Apollyon, the Prince of darkness. The Devil assailed Christian with accusations of his unworthiness for the Celestial City. Apollyon brought up many of Christian’s failings and encouraged him to once again submit. But by the power of God’s grace, the pilgrim refused to bow to the Devil, knowing he had already received the  “Pardon of my Prince.” And resting in God’s forgiveness, Christian fought with Apollyon for an whole afternoon.  Just as the Devil was about to kill Christian, Christian regained his sword and stabbed Apollyon in the liver, mortally wounding the devil.

The pilgrim then walked into the value of the shadow of death. Bunyan said it was a land for dry souls filled with “Hobgoblins, Satyrs, and Dragons of the pit…a continual howling and yelling, as of People under unutterable misery…. and Clouds of confusion.” It was a narrow, dangerous and dark way with pits and swamps on both sides that would swallow travelers. But as Christian cried out in prayer, he found hope and was able to survive this powerful trial and stay on the path.

Then Christian and his newly met friend, Faithful, walked into Vanity Fair, which the devil had placed in the way of the narrow path. And when the pilgrims refused to exchange Jesus for the love of the world, the people of the Fair put Christian and Faithful in prison. They pilgrims were tried as criminals. Faithful was condemned to death and was burned on the stake on the testimony of many false witness. But some towns people reported seeing a chariot take him to the Celestial city. A little while later, Christian escaped by God’s mercy and continued on the joinery.

Shortly thereafter, Christian met a new friend, Hopeful. Once, they wandered off the narrow path and dangerous-journey-doubting-castlewere captured by Giant Despair. The massive man of darkness threw the pilgrims into prison, starved them, and beat them repeatedly. Christian began to lose all hope and thought about committing suicide. But Hopeful reminded Christian of all that they had done by God’s grace. And then, Christian remembered that he had a key called promise. As they tried the key on the castle doors, the castle doors swung open. They escaped the depression and despair of this world by clinging to the hope that all Christians have in Christ and returned to the narrow way.

The two pilgrims encountered many other trials, blessing, and wayward souls. And Christian and Faithful fought through them all like the “stout man” in Interpreters House clinging to Lord of Heaven. They received many wounds along the way from both friends and foes. But at the end of the day, Hopeful and Christian were welcomed into the Celestial City after they crossed through the river death.

As Christian’s journey comes to an end, we cannot help and begin to think of our journey and where our destination lies. Are we traveling towards the pit of Hell or the heavenly hill? As we ponder the condition of our souls, I think we should all take time to consider Bunyan’s winsome words. We should as Bunyan said,

Put by the Curtains, look within my Vail:

Turn up my Metaphors and do not fail:

There is thou sleekest them, such things to find,

As will be helpful to an honest

What helpful things can Bunyan’s book yet teach us?

PS:

If you are interested I encourage you to read Pilgrim’s Progress. And if you live in the Eastman, GA area, I want to invite you to come experience the book first hand at our Reformation Festival on October 16, from 6:30-8PM. We will have a skit featuring John Bunyan and games that will help bring Apollyon, the Valley of the Shadow of Death, Vanity Fair, and Doubting Castle to life! I hope to see you there in your best Pilgrim’s Progress clothes!

reformation-festival-16