Peter Witkowski Discipleship, Pain & Suffering

How To Encourage Hurting Christians

hurtingHow do we help those who are hurting? When the phone rings and the voice on the other side tearfully reports that their house has burned to the ground, that their son has died, or that their spouse has left them, what will we say? How do we help those who are hurting?

Jonathan faced this dilemma in 1 Samuel 23:15-18. His best friend David struggled with fear because Jonathan’s Father, King Saul, and his armies sought to kill David. While David jumped about the caves seeking to remain a step of ahead of Saul’s sword, Jonathan sought out his exhausted brother-in-the-Lord. to David and encourages his . The Scriptures recounted , “And Jonathan, Saul’s son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God (1 Sam 23:16).” How did Jonathan encourage David?

He went to David, reminded David of his identity, and he befriend David.

To encourage others, we must go to them. When we hear that someone is fearful, when we learn that someone is struggling, and when we realize someone has experienced a trial, we should seek them out. We should not wait for them to make the first move. Those who possess the heart of Christ, go without being asked. Remember Jesus said, “For the Son of Man is come to save that which was lost.” The apostle John reaffirmed this sentiment in 1 John 4:10 writing,

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

God did not sit in heaven waiting for us to ask for help. No, he sent his son to seek the lost while we were still at war with him. Those who love God will seek out those who hurt. When Christians get the midnight phone call, they ask if they can come visit. They go to the hospital to see their sick friend; they drop by the depressed man’s home. They go because their savior has come to them.  They go to their David.

But what do we say when we go? How do we encourage others? Again, we can learn from Jonathan. He tells David,

Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this (1 Sam 23:17).

Jonathan reminds David of God’s promises.

Fear is driven by misconceptions of God. We fear because we believe house fires, bad medical reports, and broken relationships reveal that God has stopped being good. We think our circumstances say more about God’s love for us than what God says about his love for us.

In Psalm 54:3, a song written during David’s flight, David laments that

For Strangers have risen against me; ruthless men seek my life; they do not set God before themselves.

He is being hunted and so he fears. David doubts that he will live and be king. He doubts the promises of God.

The solution to doubt and worry is meditation upon our identity in Christ. Jonathan tells David to remember that God has promised him the kingdom. Saul will not kill David because God is on David’s side. Even though circumstances indicate that David is more likely to die than be king, God’s word remains true. David will be king.

When we talk with the hurting, we should take the same approach. If we can alleviate pain or suffering, we should do so. But we should remember our greatest weapon against fear, depression, and anger is the promises of God. The WWII era pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer reminds us,

Our salvation is external to ourselves. I find no salvation in my life history, but only in the history of Jesus Christ.  

Like Jonathan we need to tell our hurting friends that they are children of God who will reign in heaven with God. Paul reminded the fearful Thessalonians,

For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing (1 Thess. 5:9-11).

We need to tell the weak of how God saved them from their sins and how that nothing including death, sickness, and loneliness can separate them from the love of God. We need to remind them that God’s love, care, and compassion for us never falter or fail.

As Lamentations 3:21-24 says,

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

In Psalm 54:4a, David concludes,

Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life.

David will be king because he serves a great God. You will be with God in heaven for you serve a great God. Remind the hurting of their identity in Christ.

And last, we need to reaffirm our friendship for the hurting. Jonathan reaffirmed his covenant with David in verse 18. Instead of fleeing from David, fearing that David’s bad mojo would rub off on him, Jonathan embraced David as his friend. We should do the same. We should be quick to reaffirm that sickness, tragedy, and broken relationships do not affect our love for our friends. We should affirm the faith of the hurting. We should sit next to them at church. We should reach out to them, inviting them into our homes and going to their homes when appropriate. We should befriend them.

How do we help the hurting?

We go to them. We remind them of their identity in Christ. And, we befriend them.

Are you ready for your next late night phone call?

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Memo: April’s Breast Cancer Update October 2019 Rays of Hope!

hope-pictureGolden rays of hope have torn through the grey skies of April’s cancer. We can happily report that April’s hormone therapy is working.

According to April’s medical team at the Mayo Clinic, the majority of April’s tumors have stabilized or shrunk. The tumors in April’s back and chest have stopped growing. The tumors in her breast and her liver have slightly decreased in size. In short, April’s treatment has taken off and is safely airborne. God is good!

Admittedly, the length of our flight remains a mystery. Doctors can speak of averages and stats. Because this first treatment has succeeded and promises to keep succeeding for a time, April’s outlook has become far brighter. But April’s journey will ultimately not be unbound by averages and projections. Only the limits of divine providence can accurately predicted what will come next. We happily entrust our souls into the wise hands of our all powerful Heavenly Father.

For the past several months, we have joined David and pleaded with God to hear our cries and to listen to our prayers for deliverance. Indeed, our hearts were faint many a day and night as we wrestled through the turbulence of bad reports and the realities of April’s failing health.

But today, our hearts can echo the sentiment of David that that the Lord has led April, “to the rock, that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy (Ps 61:2-3).” God has rescued us from being swept away by the waters of cancer. He has been the rock of certainty that has upheld us as we wrestled with our worst fears. And now, He has been the strong tower that has rescued us from the deadly clutches of cancer. The light of hope has filled our hearts.

As our church family knows, the Mayo reports confirm April’s recent experiences. For the better part of three weeks, April has attended church, visited the girls’ music class, and gone on errands without being sidelined by back or leg pain. For brief moments, April has had to sit down and embrace her heating pad.  But overall, she has regained a quality of life that has escaped her and our family since her diagnosis in May. April’s plane has turned towards the glorious destination of health.

What Comes Next 

Going forward, April’s physical experiences will continue to give her and our family insights into her future. If her engines lose power, she will under go additional medical tests and treatment to see if her cancer has grown. But if she flies smoothly through life, we can be confident that her treatment’s continues to succeed.

Though April’s quality of life has risen from the 1-3 level to the 4-6 level, her medical team hopes to return her to the 8-10 level. To achieve the highest quality of life possible, April will pursue radiation treatment for her lower back. Though the treatment will sideline her for two weeks or so at end of this year, it promises to give her an even brighter quality of life going forward.

We praise God for today’s good report!

This encouraging development allows us to start strategizing for the future. We anticipate traveling to the Mayo clinic every three months. We can also can begin to plot our medical costs with some accuracy.

Dear family, church members, friends, prayer partners, thank you for boarding this flight with us and for upholding our faith with your prayers and encouragements. When we have doubted our destination and questioned our God, you have reminded us of God’s goodness, power, and love. Thank you! And thank you for rejoicing with us today!

We ask you to keep praying for us as we fly into the horizon of hope. Pray that God will allow April to see her children walking with the Lord. Pray that God we will grow our faith. Pray that God will be glorified by this illness. And pray that God will heal April!

Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings (Ps 61:4)!

Contact Info:

Email us at: biblefighter@gmail.com 

You can reach us via snail-mail at : P.O. Box 637/ Amissville, VA 20106

You are also welcome two reach out to the elders of Amissville Baptist Church, Mark Hockensmith and Bill Brown, at: 540-937-6159.

GOFundMe Page

April and I welcome inquirers and emails, calls, and texts of support; they can be overwhelming at times. We appreciate your patience with our responses.

We plan to also keep posting updates here at witkowskiblog.com

Thank you for your love, prayers, and never-ending support.

Sustained By Grace Through Faith,

Peter and April

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Trains, Root Canals, Jer. 17:9: Why ‘Meet and Greets’ Aren’t So Bad

A church guru has taken on and seemingly defeated the church ‘Meet and Greet.’ Since 2014, more and more evangelical churches have stopped asking their attendees to get up and greet one another during their morning worship service. Church leaders fear that the sometimes-awkward moment of social interaction will cause guests to run out the front door.

The rise smartphones’ use and in automation have systematically reduced the average American’s number of social interactions. Increasingly more and more Americans have begun to operate as introverts. They do not want their church to force them to talk to strangers. As one church-goer commented, “I would rather have a root canal than be subjected to a stand and greet time.”

But would he?

Psychologists who have studied the behaviors of men and women discovered that this twitter user and most everyone would secretly prefer random social interactions as oppose to solitude. The average person just doesn’t know this reality…yet.

Nicholas Epley and Julianna Schroeder studied commuter train riders a few years back. They divided riders into three groups: The control group who interacted with people as they always did, the connection group which was instructed to attempt to start a conversation with the strangers that sat next to them, and the solitude group which was instructed to keep to themselves. The commuters assumed those in the solitude group would have the most pleasant ride. The researchers reported that their commuters  thought “connecting with a stranger” would be “an unpleasant and unproductive use of time (1983).” Despite their expectations, the commuters found the opposite reality to be true.

Those who struck up a conversation with a stranger enjoyed their commute more than twice as much as those who sat in silence. Those who connected with other people felt better about their commute and did not feel less productive (1983). The researches repeated the experiment with bus and taxicab riders. The new studies produced the same results. Although people think they want to be left alone, they thrive in social settings, regardless of their introvert or extrovert leanings. The researchers concluded, “people fail to maximize their own well-being because they mistakenly prefer isolation over connection (1990).” In short, people don’t know what they really want.

When the researches shared their findings with the railroad, they were stunned. They had recently completed a survey of their commuters. Their survey indicated that people wanted solitude. To meet their consumers’ wants, the train company launched a quiet car which mandated no talking, cell-phone use, or social interaction. When Nicholas suggested the company try a chatty car, the railroad said they had. They had bar cars which facilitated community. But the railroad discontinued the community-based train cars because they were too popular and suffered from overcrowding. People do not know what they want.

As Christians, we know why people struggle to know what they want and to know what is best. We are sinners.  Our intellects and our senses which inform our views of the world have been corrupted by our brokenness. Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” We misdiagnosis what we really need because we are broken people in need of redemption.

The church-goer probably believed he would prefer the dentist chair to the talkative friend on the pew. But the church-goer like the commuters before him probably misunderstood his real needs.

Proverbs states, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” Instead of listening to the surface complaints of church, to polls, and to twitter rants, pastors need to run their own proverbial experiments and draw out the hearts of those who dislike the ‘meet and greet’ time. If they get past the expectations and reach the hearts of those walking into their churches, they may discover that people like connecting with each other. They may realize that the elimination fellowship times has hurt those in church, condemning men and women to more of the solitude that has already robbed them of large amounts joy.

Moreover, we Christians know our God is a God of relationship who invites community. Do we not recall that in this is love not the we loved God but that he loved us? The God of the universe reaches out to spiritual commuters every hour. Should we not do the same?

According to the train study, those antiquated meet and greet times may not be so obsolete after all. they could be a wonderful expression of the love of God and of the love of the people of God. Perhaps we can learn from the commuter train. Perhaps, we should keep the meet and greets. What say you?