Should We Teach Our Kids To Pray?

kids-prayWhen I was five-years-old, I fervently prayed for a little sibling. I hated being the youngest in my family. The idea of a having a younger brother or sister sounded cool. I could play with a baby, the old people would stop telling me how cute I was, and there would be someone else to blame for my messes. By God’s grace, my little sister was born. So did God answer my prayer? Did he answer the prayer of a little unconverted preschooler?

How we answer that question has huge implications for how we raise our kids. The answer to the questions shapes how we teach our kids to pray. So…did God answer my prayer?

The answer is:

How Prayer Works

As one theologian said, prayer is “Our response to God as he speaks to us.” Our ability to reach the ear of God is tied to the work of Christ. To cry “Abba Father,” we must be members of God’s family.  God listens to our prayers not because we are impressive. He listens to our prayers because we are in Jesus. The Father always hears the prayers of his son (John 11:41-42). Since we are sons with Jesus, we can be confident that the Father hears us as well. When Christians pray to the Father, he does not see dirty sinners. He sees sons redeemed by the death of Christ on the cross (Gal 4:6-7). Our ability to reach God is directly tied to our identification with his son. If we have not died to our sin and if we have not been risen again, then we cannot reach God.

Moreover, prayer is based upon the word of God. Good prayers are passed on God’s Word. We ask God to fulfill his will. Those who do not believe the Word, cannot meaningfully speak to God (I John 5:14-15). Yes, sinners can ask for things selfishly. But, they cannot ask for things according to the scriptures that they have rejected. They cannot respond appropriately to the Word of God.

In short, every unredeemed man, women, and child is unable to access the throne room. They are not sons of God but slaves to sin. Most of their prayers but one goes unheard. So did God answer my prayer? No.

What Do We Tell Our Kids?

Should we every encourage our kids to pray? Yes and no. Yes, it is good for kids to learn how to pray. It is good for them to confess to God that every good gift comes from above. By recognizing God’s authority, they may avoid the prideful boasts that doomed both Nebuchadnezzar and Herod. One went nuts; the other died boasting.  Prayers like the following: “I thank you for mommy, daddy, grandma JoJo, the dog, and basketballs, Amen” are good and proper offerings. They help kids understand their relation to their divine creator.

Even more importantly, kids should pray because salvation comes through prayer. When one believes, he cries out to God the Father for salvation through the Holy Spirit. The new believer confesses Christ through prayer. Because prayer plays such a key role in salvation, parents should introduce their kids to prayer. And parents should encourage their kids to pray for forgiveness. Parents should teach equip their kids to cry out to God.

Limited Focus

And now for the negative. While Parents should encourage prayer, they must also place biblical limits when and how their kids pray. Because unsaved kids cannot reach the throne room of God, we should not charge them to pray for the family, to pray in church services, or to pray for those in need. We should let unredeemed sinners (even the cute ones) offer prayers for in our stead. God will not hear those prayers. Rather as believers, we should pray alongside or in place of our children for specific requests and needs. And then, we should explain to our kids that Christ only hears the prayers of his children. In short, keeping a proper perspective on childhood prayer will lead to more gospel conversations with our kids.

Closing Thoughts

So did God answer my prayer for a baby sister? The answer is no. But I still have a little sister. What happened?  God had planned to bless my family with my little sister. He did in fact work out his plans through the prayers of my mother and other believers. But he did not answer my prayer. I had no part in his divine will.  And while it is good for us to teach our kids to pray, we must always remind them that only the sons of God can reach their father.

How do you handle prayer in your family?

3 Ways To Prevent Ministry Collisions

conflict pictureI wobbled around the yard with the ball in my glove. My older brother was lying on the ground with a bloodied nose. We were both a little fuzzy (a complication of being knocked silly) on how we got to this point. We think the general story went like this: In an effort to work on catching pop-flies my brother and I would toss a ball as high as possible and then run underneath it to catch. On this occasion, I had tossed the ball and doggedly charged after it. My brother did the same. And seconds later, the ground shook as two skyward gazing grade-schoolers ran into each other at full speed.

Often church people do exactly the same thing. With eyes fixated on expanding the church, people smash into each other seeking resources for their specific ministry, projects, or ideas. And when they do collide over how the budget will be spent and on who gets to reserve the fellowship hall, things can get messy in a hurry. People in the church start complaining, start rooting for programs to fail, and start stressing how much more important X Ministry is than B Ministry. I.e. the same team starts competing against itself. When this happens, the ministry game comes to the stretching halt.

When I was playing high school baseball, my team was blessed with enough talent to thoroughly thrash a couple of our lower quality opponents. During one such thrashing, we geared up to start of the 4th inning. As we slide on our gloves, the other team decided that they had had enough. They had enough of the errors, the poor pitch selections, and the bad calls. Their gloves came off and a full out brawl began…in their dugout. We watched passively in amazement as a tornado of gloves, hats, and punches whipped around the visitors’ dugout. Needless to say, the team forfeited that game and the rest of their season. They were done.

And when the church turns in on itself, it is done.  Once we exchange the liberating hope of the gospel for the despair of personal opinions, we become bring all real ministry to a halt. Humility evaporates. Relationships break down. And, God is forgotten. What’s left? A bunch of squabbling teammates that can’t even live up to the world’s standards of friendship.

What the solution?

1.      Be Thankful

We begin with thankfulness. Instead of being angry, instead of clinging to our own ideas as if they descended from heaven, we stop and thank God for our brothers and sisters in Christ. Notice what Paul say in Philippians 1:3-4,

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy.

Paul is thankful because they are all on the same team. They are all servants of Christ united together through the gospel. The next time we are tempted to get upset, to lash out at a fellow believer over some program, we need to stop and pray for that person. We need to be thankful that the same God working in us in working in them. We need to praise God that he saved both of us.  We need to teach our hearts to love others. We may have different ideas. But we have the same God and savior. Instead of attacking our fellow teammates, let’s be thankful for them and for their ministries.

1.      Be Thankful Again

Ok, now some of you may be thinking that I can be thankful for most people. But then there is that special class of people who always get on our nerves, who do things out of spite, or who do things to advance themselves. Surely we can fight against those people. And if these people are getting the gospel wrong, then yes would should address them in love. We should speak truth. But if they are preaching truth from wrong motives, Paul says rejoice. “What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.” I.E. if the ministry you deem to be most important is being trampled by another ministry that’s growing (even with bad leadership) we should rejoice. Why? Why is Paul rejoicing? We can rejoice with Paul because ministry is not about making much of us and our ideas. It’s about making much of Jesus and his church. Let’s rejoice and praise everything that moves the gospel forward!

2.      Check Your Heart

In addition to being thankful, we also need to be honest with ourselves. Ultimately, the reason we turn on other church members is that we have messed up hearts. We are worshiping our ideas and programs. When we don’t get them, we sin. Notice in Philippians 2:3-4 Paul says,

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

The reason we get mad, the reason we attack ministries, and the reason we complain about our fellow church members is that we are motivated by ambition and conceit. If our main complaints about programs and the church are focused around the pronouns “I” and “me,” we have a problem. We are not looking to the interest of others. We are being selfish. We need to stop and start putting others first. Why? Because this is what Jesus does. He humbled himself to save us. If we are going to be like Christ, we must humble ourselves so that Christ and his church can flourish. Friends, we need to be honest with ourselves. If we are fighting with people in our church, if we are always critical, if we have competing ministries, we have hearts out of line. Before we fix or change any program of ministry focus, we need to repent.

It’s natural for there to be competition, complaints, and attacks in the church. After all it is a hospital for the spiritual sick. But instead of blooding each other, let’s humbly put others first. Let’s keep our gaze on Christ. Let’s be thankful for our fellow Christians, and let’s be honest with each other. Together, we can keep the church moving forward!

5 Marks Of A Great Friend

5-signs-of-a-good-friendLast week, we looked at what the Bible says about fools. Specifically, we examined 7 foolish character traits the define someone as a bad friend. (Click here to read that post) But the question remains, “What kind of friend should our kids have? What does a good friend look like?” Let’s take a look at how the Bible describes the wise (i.e. those gals and guys that will prove to be faithful friends). A great friend will:

1.    Love God

If a person is truly wise, they will love God, the source of all wisdom. As Proverbs 2:6 says,

For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

A good friend must cherish the things of God. They must love God’s word, his church, and his people. A good friend will always seek to obey God. As Proverbs 1:7 famously says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

2.     Respect Their Parents

A wise child will value their parents’ advice and counsel (Prov. 4:1,5).  They listen when their parents offer them practical, biblical wisdom about dating, school, work, money, and friends. And because they listen to their parents, wise kids avoid many disastrous decisions. They bring both their mother and their father great joy. As Proverbs 23:24 says,

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.

Wise kids value their parents.

3.     Speak Well

A wise child does not speak all the time (Prov. 29:9). Their Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat can lay dormant for a few hours. They don’t feel the need to comment on everything thing their friends, parents, and teachers say. And when they do speak, they add to the conversation. Their words are kind, loving, and thoughtful. As a result, they often win people over to their point-of-view (Prov. 16:23).

The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out. – Proverbs 15:2)

4.    Be Humble

How do you know if a child is humble? Try correcting them. Try to help them with the swing, complete their homework, or to stop sinning. A humble, wise kid will listen to you and value your input (Prov. 9:9). They will say, “Show me more!” The fool will say “No thanks; I got this old man” (Prov. 12:15). If anything the fool will try to teach you how to coach, teach, or discipline better. As the Scriptures say,

Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you. – Proverbs 12:2.

Let’s encourage our kids to befriend people who can accept criticism.

5.    Promote Peace

A wise, good friend makes friends where ever she goes. Instead of stirring up arguments and drama, a wise friend brings peace and harmony (Prov. 12:18; 29:8).  In addition to bringing peace with their lips, wise friends keep their friends out of trouble. They encourage their friends to complete their homework, to tell the truth, and to honor their parents (Prov. 13:14). As Proverbs 24:3 says,

By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established;

Let’s encourage our kids to value wise and understanding friends.
As the first point makes clear, to be a good friend one must be a believer. This is not to say that friendships with unbelievers are sinful, misguided, or meaningless. But the best and most meaningful friendships occur within the body of Christ. No one can be a good, wise friend apart from Christ since all wisdom comes from him.  Are we ready to help our kids find good friends?