When Thanksgiving is Depressing

When thanksgiving is depressingMy heart was pained.  Ironically enough, the cause of my anxiousness was an event devoted to the theme of thanksgiving. As I sat through three cycles of videos, testimonies, and songs, my heart sank deeper and deeper into despair.

I heard various Christians talk about the Jesus who gave grandparents great families, who gave widowers new spouses, and who made sick children new. But the Jesus who wept over his friend’s death, who suffered on the cross, and who ordained for the apostle Paul to be tortured, robbed, and shipwrecked was nowhere to be found during this holiday.

Moreover, the God who comforts the daughter who buries her father and her mother within a blink of each other was not mentioned. The God who promises to vindicate the abused child was overlooked. And the God who sustains parents as they place their newborn under a tombstone was omitted. In his place, I was offered a Jesus who looked remarkably like the genie from Aladdin (minus the blue skin and red sash). Rub the bottle; say the magic prayer; and poof, your best life now.

I was grieved because this shrunken view of God does injustice to both the gospel and our savior that I have come to love. If our boasts about God are always linked to material gains and physical health, we’ve missed out on the greatest benefits of the gospel. The beauty of the gospel is best seen when health, wealth, and physical happiness our ripped from our arms.The awesomeness of the gospel is having nothing and discovering joyful reality that God is everything. As Christians, we don’t have to brush our suffering under the rug, assuming we lack the faith of the super spiritual and hoping that our next year will be magically better. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:  

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

As we slide out from the Thanksgiving table into the Christmas season, we should thank God for our families, our health, and for everything and cross_jesus_wood_236183anything that contributes to our happiness. All good gifts come from above! But we also must realize that the beauty of the Jesus does not end with the safe and serene pictures of the Christ child lying in a designer manger surrounded by non-smelly animals. Our savior went onto the bloody agony of the cross. And as he did, Jesus both experienced our pain and then defeated its source. Through his life, death, and resurrection, Christ offers hope, joy, and peace to the grieving daughter, the hurt child, and the heartbroken parents. Jesus offers us an eternal life that transcends our earthly trappings whether good or bad. Our greatest gain is not a great family portrait placed on fireplace mantel. It’s Christ! Him, we can never lose!

As we prepare to celebrate the holidays listed on our calendars, we should not assume that our churches exist to demonstrate the end of suffering. We exist to show world that Jesus triumphs over suffering through the cross! And when the unfathomably huge God of the Bible is proclaimed, I cannot help but be thankful!   

Accepting Pedophilia

Accepting Ped photoFor the last few years, I have quietly told people that the next big battle of the sexual revolution will be over our children. The rationalization, decrimination, and societal acceptance of pedophiles seemed to be years away. I thought it would be the pressing issue of my son’s generation. However, the recent trends seem to suggest that the push to normalize sexual interactions between adults and minors will shortly become a mainstream issue. As Christians, we need to ready to address the issue of pedophilia.

Staying Current

Late in 2014, the famous novelist, John Grissom, stoked the flames of the discussion by defending adults who downloaded child pornography. He sees no reason to imprison guys for few unwise clicks. After all he said, “These people haven’t hurt anybody” (Oldenburg, 2014)

Sadly, Grisham is not alone when it comes to mainstream thought. The famed Atheist, Richard Dawkins agrees with the author. Reflecting on his own experiences of being molested by a male prep school teacher as a child, the scientist concluded,

I don’t think he did any of us any lasting damage (Singh, 2014).

Defining Pedophilia Today

According to WebMD, “A pedophile is a person who has a sustained sexual orientation toward children, generally aged 13 or younger” (Martin). (The age at whence a preference is an expression of pedophilia or normal sexual behavior has not been firmly established).  Though there is still some debate over whether pedophilia should be mentioned in the same breath as “gay, straight, and bi-sexual,” the inevitability of its arrival as a sexual orientation is not in question. The Harvard Mental Health Letter concluded back in 2010 that, “Consensus now exists that pedophilia is a distinct sexual orientation, not something that develops in someone who is homosexual or heterosexual” (Pessimism About Pedophilia, 2010) Moreover, almost every mental health representative thinks that a person’s attraction to a child cannot be cured. Perhaps, it can be controlled with therapy. But the disposition towards loving children cannot be undone. As a recent New York Times article made very clear, lusting after a child is not inherently wrong because it is a natural phenomenon. The editorialist wrote,

A pedophile should be held responsible for his conduct — but not for the underlying attraction (Kaplan, 2014).

The only question keeping pedophilia from wide cultural acceptance is the question, “Should sex between a child and an adult be deemed appropriate conduct?” The answer is increasingly becoming a yes.

Researchers contend that adults should only have the freedom to engage in sexual acts that do not lead to the, “the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner” (Martin). To be children_playing_child_laugh_220034deemed acceptable, pedophiliac actions would have to result in positive experiences for all involved. Over the past 20 years, researchers have begun noticing that Richard Dawkins view is more normative than most Americans thing. One researcher concluded from a meta-study (compiled from 1998-2000) that sexual encounters between adults and children do not, “cause intense harm on a pervasive basis regardless of gender (Rind, Bauserman, & Tromovitch, 1998).” In other words, if a boy or a girl entered willingly into the experience, the child often viewed the experience positively. As another supporter of pedophilia Tom O’Carroll said in a recent interview,

It is the quality of the relationship that matters. If there’s no bullying, no coercion, no abuse of power, if the child enters into the relationship voluntarily … the evidence shows there need be no harm (Henley, 2013).

The Path Towards Acceptance

In 2014, pedophilia was deemed by psychologists to be a natural, human condition that does not necessitate harm against children. Furthermore when the sexual expressions of pedophiles are limited to consensual encounters, their actions are increasingly seen as being “harmless” if not even a positive experiences for children. How long can a secular society devoid of Christian undergirding resist the urge to legalize pedophilia? After all, isn’t it another expression of love? And who are we to tell others who they can and cannot love?

I fear the discussion and the resulting acceptance of pedophilia will continue to gain momentum. And here is why: According to a 2004 study by the U.S. department of Education, almost 1 of every 10 public school kids will be sexually harassed by a school employee (teacher, principal, coach, etc.) (Shakeshaft, 2004, p. 20). And even more troubling, 6 of every 100 kids will have some type of physical encounter with a school employee (Ibid). In other words, 6 out of every 100 kids in our schools will be involved in sexual acts with a pedophile (Ibid). This is a lot of children and adults (not to mention those involved coaches, family members, clergy, other adults and children not associated with the public school system).

Despite all the marches, protests, and controversial judicial rulings, homosexuality is becoming a normative part of American society mostly because we all have a likeable neighbor, teacher, or sister who is a homosexual. When it comes to American sexual ethics, familiarity breeds acceptance.

Though a different issue, I don’t think it’s farfetched to believe that pedophilia will follow the same trajectory. One day soon, we will probably all know someone who has participated in a pedophiliac action. When that time comes (it may be here), will the members of American society really want to punish what they deem to be a natural and often loving behavior? Will Americans really want to send their “often professionally accomplished and even celebrated” adult brothers, neighbors, and coworkers to prison” for crimes of loving passion (p. 31)? As Sarah Goode, one of the leading researchers supporting the reclassification of pedophilia commented,

We outlawed homosexuality, and we were wrong. Perhaps we’re wrong about paedophilia (Henley, 2013).

Are we wrong again?

A Christian Response

As a Christian who affirms the Bible as the inspired word of God, I believe the answer is a resounding, “No; we were not wrong.” We should uphold the scriptures and oppose the spread of both homosexuality and pedophilia (and all other sins). The question facing Christians is not one of love or of practicality. Paul condemns the Corinthian man who slept with his stepmom without care for the two’s emotional state or rational (I Cor. 5:1-2).  The question for Paul and for all Christians is: “What does God say about sex?”

According to the divine scriptures, God says that sex is designed to occur within the confines of a marriage between a man and a woman. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). God’s Genesis command is reaffirmed by both Christ and his apostles (Mat 19:5; Mark 10:7; Eph. 5:31). Any other sexual action that occurs outside of a loving, monogamous marriage relationship, whether tied to pornography, fornication, homosexuality, or adultery is sin. And every time we depart from God’s plan for sex, Holding Handsrelationships are broken, people suffer both emotionally and financially, and God is dishonored (Brandon, 2009, pp. 114, 135).

Since pedophilia is an attraction to an age type, it often cannot be expressed within the confines of marriage. As the child becomes an adult, the pedophile will have to find a new and younger lover. God’s plan calls for monogamy. “So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:15b). As Christians, we are to find our sexual satisfaction in our spouse until death do us part.

Sadly, some of the relationships between a minor and an adult occasionally end in marriage. But the marriage of a pubescent child to an adult, contradicts the Biblical idea. A 12-year-old child cannot leave and cleave to their new spouse who is some 20 years their senior. Studies indicate that children enter into a relationship with an adult viewing the adult as their new parent (Shakeshaft, 2004, p. 33). Moreover, the child cannot manage a house, adequately care for children (and in some cases they are not even physically ready to reproduce), or provide for their families. Consequently in pedophiliac relationships, men and women are not leaving their parents to start a new family. Rather, kids are being manipulated into embracing new parent who offers sexual favors. We must oppose pedophilia.  

Dear Parents

As parents, we must also frame the sex conversation for our kids. As they approach puberty, we need to help them understand that sex is natural, good, and enjoyable. Then, we need to help them understand that sex is designed by God to be experienced within the safe, stable, and loving paramiters of marriage.  If our kids grasp the Biblical concept of sex, they will be bettered prepared to resists the advances of pedophiles, understanding that all offers of sex prior to marriage are wrong. Though it may be awkward and uncomfortable for us to talk about the birds and the bees, we need to help our kids understand sex. If we do not, the world will, and it will not go well for our children.   

Hope For A Broken World

Lastly, we should also offer hope to our lost and dying world through the love of Christ. The phycologists, the pundits, and the professors all say there is no hope for pedophiles. They can manage their symptoms, but they can’t change. How depressing! But these claims are only partially true. Yes, people cannot change their desires! But, God can!

If we trust in Christ, God will make us new creations! He will radically cause us to put off our sinful desires and embrace righteousness. Notice what Paul says in I Corinthians 6:9-11

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.  And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Such were some of you! Churches are made up of sinners who were once trapped in all kinds of sins (self included). We were all hopeless, unchangeable at one point. And then God changed us! I understand that some men and women are predisposed to be pedophiles. Their natural, sinful tendency is to lust after children. But there is hope. God can redeem such desires. The dead can be brought to life. Pedophiles can be changed!

Now admittedly, some believers may still be tempted to lust after children post salvation. Addressing sexual sin, Pastor Sam Allberry writes,

We continue to struggle with sin. Temptation does not cease. The full healing and deliverance we long for are not promised this side of creation (p. 50).

Though temptations may not end (and I may not think it wise to let some people serve in our children’s ministry) desires and their resulting action do change by the power of Christ. As long as we have time, we have the hope of change! Let’s care for troubled souls by offering them the hope of Christ.

Works Cited

Allberry, S. (2013). Is God Anti-Gay. The Good Book Company .

Brandon, G. (2009). Just Sex: Is it ever just sex? Nottingham: Inter-Varsity Press.

Henley, J. (2013, January 2). Paedophilia: bringing dark desires to light. Retrieved October 9, 2014, from theguardian.com: http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jan/03/paedophilia-bringing-dark-desires-light

Kaplan, M. (2014, 10 5). The Opinion Pages. Retrieved 10 6, 2014, from http://www.nytimes.com: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/06/opinion/pedophilia-a-disorder-not-a-crime.html?_r=1

Martin, L. J. (n.d.). What is Pedophillia . Retrieved 10 9, 2014, from http://www.webmd.com: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/explaining-pedophilia

Oldenburg, A. (2014, 10 16). John Grisham: Child porn senences often too harsh . Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.usatoday.com: http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2014/10/16/john-grisham-child-porn-white-guys-prison-harsh-pedophiles/17344755/

Pessimism About Pedophilia. (2010). Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2010/July/pessimism-about-pedophilia

Rind, B., Bauserman, R., & Tromovitch, P. (1998). A Meta-Analytic Examinaiton of Assumed Properties of Child Sexual Abuse Using College Samples. Physchological Bulletin, 22-53.

Shakeshaft, C. (2004). Educator Sexaul Misconduct: A Synthesis of Existing Literature. Hutington.

Singh, A. (2014, 6 14). Richard Dawkins in storm over ‘mild date rape’ tweeets. Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.telegraph.co.uk: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/10998498/Richard-Dawkins-in-storm-over-mild-date-rape-tweets.html

Caring For Those In Crisis: A Pastor’s Response To Zack’s Death

Caring for those in CrisisThis past Friday, the Mayberry folksiness of Eastman was jolted by the depths of evil. The story of how three-year-old Zack was cruelly beaten to death has brought sadness to most every home in the area. And now as his family and the community grapple with the tragic death of this beloved toddler, the questions of “Why,” “How,” and “What now” begin to fill our brains. We want to know, “Where was God” on Friday, March 14, 2014.

How to Care For the Community

God was sitting on his throne in heaven (Col 3:1). He was not caught off guard. Nor was he in heaven wishing he could intervene but lacking the power to act. Our God had the power to stop little Zack’s death. He also had the power to save my son from death last summer. But he chose not to appear either on March 14, 2014 or on July 16, 2013. Although none of us fully sees into the mind of God, the Bible does reveal why Jesus delays his return and allows evil to go on unchecked in many forms.  

In 2 Peter 3:9-10, we read that, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” Jesus hasn’t come again because he wants to save sinners. When Jesus returns to earth, he will descend with a flaming sword to judge the wicked. Once he breaks through the clouds, sinners will have no hope of salvation. Consequently, God waits not because he has forgotten justice, not because he powerless to stop evil, and not because he cares little about human suffering. He waits so that he can extend grace and salvation to the lost.

As believers, we should long for Jesus to return, praying for him to come quickly and end the violent suffering that Zack and many others have experienced. On that glorious day, babies will no longer die; old men will not tire (Isaiah 65:20). Until then, let’s redeem these evil days by proclaiming the gospel to a lost and dying world. When Jesus was asked in Luke 13 about why certain men suffered a violent death, he responded by calling men and women to repent. When our community asks about this tragedy, let’s share the gospel. Christ is coming back! “The day of the Lord will come like thief and the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed” (2 Peter 2:10).

How to Care For the Family

               I confess that I have no idea what Zack’s family is experiencing.  But the scriptures do provide Christians with a framework for ministering to those who are suffering. Below are nine principles to follow as we seek to minister to broken hearted,    

  1. Be with those suffering. The first step towards ministering to those who are grieving is to grieve (Rom. 12:15). Jesus wept when he went to see Lazarus (John 11:35). Job’s friends understood this principle as well, initially sitting with Job in silence for seven days because they “saw that his suffering was very great” (Job 2:13).  
  2. Meet physical needs. The best way to demonstrate our love of God of others is to practically minister to those in crisis (Matt. 4:10; James 2:18).      
  3. Don’t assume you know why a person or family is suffering. I do not know specifically why I or others suffer. And quite frankly, no human being can know “why” apart from divine revelation. To presume to know the divine reasoning for why someone suffers and why someone else rejoices is the height of human arrogance. By appointing yourself god, you will only bring despair and pain to those who are hurting. God’s thoughts are far higher and better than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). Resist the temptation that overcame the disciples in John 9 and Job’s friends.
  4. Do not encourage sin. In many physiological circles people are told to get angry with God when they suffer. However in scripture, we are told to respond with faith and trust (Proverbs 3:5). We should hate all human sin and mourn the fallen pains of nature. But we should not encourage those who are suffering to blame God as Job’s wife did. Rather, we should encourage them to be like Job and not “sin or charge God with wrong doing” (Job 1:22).  
  5. Point the broken hearted to the God who comforts the weak. Romans 8:28-39 is by far one of the best passages for developing a theology of suffering. But I would not open to Romans initially.  Begin with God’s goodness. Offer the hurting expressions for their grief and reminders of hope by turning to Psalm 23, or Lamentations 3:1-26, or Psalm 34. Remind them that God is here and will care for his children.
  6. Encourage them with the truth that babies and innocent children are taken to heaven at death. David was able to stop grieving for his dead son because he knew his son was in paradise (2 Sam. 12:23; I Kings 14:12-13).
  7. Speak truth in love, seeking to edify. Everything we post on Facebook or tweet should be done to encourage and help the family, keeping their situation in mind. Refrain from gossip and idle chatter (Eph. 4:29).
  8. Continue loving them in the days ahead. As Christians, we should respond to crisis, but ministry continues for a lifetime (I Peter 4:10-11).
  9. Pray for them, asking God to love them, comfort them, and meet their needs through his divine power (Col. 1:11).