April 14, 2015April 14, 2015 Peter Witkowski Children's Ministry

Being A Family Doesn’t Make Your Kids Safe

“We are all family here,” was a common refrain I heard when my church implemented its new check-in system. Since I was the new guy in town, the next comment usually went something like this, “We get that you don’t know anybody, but we do; all this security stuff isn’t really necessary. So, you’re going to stop it once you learn everyone’s name, right?” Not quite. At FBCE, we continue to strengthen our security and safety measures precisely because we do know everyone. And it ain’t good. Look what Paul says about our family, “All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one” (Rom. 3:12).

We Are All Bad

Although media moguls of Nickelodeon, Oprah, and Disney teach us that people are basically good, the Bible does the opposite. According to scripture, every baby is born a sinner (Ps. 51:5). Every baby is born with a disposition to do evil and to always do evil (Rom. 3:23). When left alone, people naturally make bad, selfish choices that hurt harm others (Gen. 6:5). The Biblical view of humanity teaches us to adopt a healthy skepticism of people’s intentions especially when protecting children.

We Got Tricked

Now thankfully when it comes to kids at church, many of the sinners who walk through our doors have been transformed by the gospel. But can you tell which men and women love Jesus and which ones want to groom a 12 year-old boy to be their spouse? In time yes, we can spot the frauds. People will be known by their fruit (Matt. 7:16). Their works, actions, and words will eventually reveal what’s going on in their hearts. But how long will this process take? How long will it take us to spot the false Christians? After all, false Christians were able to fool the disciples and the early church fathers because Jesus allows the weeds to grow right next to the wheat (Matt. 13:24-30). Liars, unrepentant sinners, are in our churches and bent on harm. Are we willing to give them the chance to hurt our kids while we sift through the evidence?

The Sad Reality

And false Christians continue to successfully infiltrate our Christian circles. Just in my own circle, I can think of two tragic deceptions relating to kids ministry (not to mention the sad stories of pastors, elders, and church members falling into all kinds of sexual and financial sins). First, I played football with kids whose parents seemed to be model Christians. The parents had good jobs, dressed well, and even had regular family devotions with the large family. But when the Bible was closed and no one was looking, the father sexual abused his children for over twenty years. No one at their church knew or suspected anything. Second, I think back to my youth group days. One of the most faithful small group, and mission trip leaders cheated on his spouse the entire time he served. Lacking tattoos and a scary drug filled past, he dressed, and talked like all the other adults, and, yet harbored a deadly secret sin. If we are truthful, we have to admit that we don’t know what’s in a person’s heart. As Jeremiah writes

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it (17:9)?

We need to put up hedges around our children to protect them from false Christians intent on harming God’s church.

Yep, We Still Got Problems

And lastly, we need to protect kids from ourselves. Though we are redeemed, we are not perfect; we still sin; we still face all kinds of temptations from the world, our heart, and Satan. Even the apostle Paul lamented, “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Rom. 7:18-19). We need to be skeptical of our own ability to consistently avoid evil and to follow Jesus. If you doubt me, think back to Noah who got drunk, Abraham who slept with a family employee, and David who had an affair with the girl next before killing her husband. These were all great men of God who succumbed to sin. To love our brothers and sisters in Christ and to care for our own souls, we need to keep ourselves out of bad situations. We need to create policies and checks that will prevent even the most mature Christian from having a chance to molest a 5 year-old girl. Nothing is more loving and representative of the people of God than keeping a brother and sister from sin and a child from harm.

Regardless of blood lines and geographical proximity, we don’t know people all that well. And what we do know about them from scriptures, screams, “Don’t trust them. Don’t trust yourself.” We called to treat sinners with skepticism and believers with caution when it comes to caring for kids at church. We live in a world tainted with sin. To pretend that we don’t isn’t loving; it is ridiculously dangerous and may expose our kids to all kinds of horrors.

February 3, 2015August 14, 2018 Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Sunday School is Broken?

Really? Who broke it? The simple but hard answer is, “We did!” Whenever we present a Bible story apart from the gospel, we break, undermine, and destroy the positive features of Sunday school. Now hopefully, you and I are not guilty of hiding God’s grace on a regular basis. But all across America the awesome message of repentance and forgiveness is being regularly missed by our church kids. If we hope to reach the next generation for Christ, we need to grapple with this stark reality by becoming even greater champions of the gospel. And here is why:

Earning F’s

A recent study of churchless Americans revealed that 60% of them have not progressed beyond their childhood faith (Barna & Kinnaman, pp. 61-62). In other words, most people who currently don’t go to church shaped their ideas about Jesus, society and the world (in part) while munching on crackers and looking at pictures of Jesus during Sunday school. And if most who avoid church like the plague thought that salvation was through Christ alone by faith alone, we would have done well. Unfortunately, this is not reality.

Learning the Wrong Things

Most unchurched people think salvation is a matter of works (p. 72). Do this and this, and avoid that movie, and you are ready for heaven. In short, bunches of kids are coming into our churches, flying around our children’s center, and then going out the door with the wrong gospel. Perhaps phenomenon explains why 90% of all 13-yr-old kids claim Christ but only 3% of our youth actually subscribe to a biblical worldview (Barna, pp. 39, 41). And when these kids grow up and want to get more serious about their faith, the largest group of them (31%) will try to obey the Ten Commandments more faithfully (Barna & Kinnaman, p. 134). They double down on their efforts to work themselves to heaven. There are no two ways about it; many of our church kids are getting the gospel.

Why Don’t Kids Learn?

There are three big reasons kids aren’t getting the message:

Some simply don’t listen. I had many excellent Sunday school teachers as a child (some of whom still pray for me). But as an unsaved kid, I found daydreaming about baseball and toy soldiers to be more interesting that children’s Bibles. Kids who tune out now will naturally struggle to recall the gospel when they are grown.
Every kid is born a sinner. Apart from the grace of God, no kid can understand the gospel or embrace any truth. All will either think the cross is foolish or objectionable (I Cor. 1:23). And to cope with their sin before salvation, kids often either consciously or unconsciously alter the glorious truths of the gospel to make their own sin more manageable. I.e. surely I can work my way to heaven and please God without transforming faith. Now to find an old lady to help across the street to make up for stealing that pack of gum.
Teachers are misrepresenting Christ. We could actually be teaching that the gospel consists of self-motivated obedience. Remember David? You need to be brave. Remember Paul? You need to be bold and sacrificial. We forget to mention that obedience can only be achieved through the power of Christ. And perhaps, we promote a works salvation because that’s what we actually believe.

Over 50% of church people self-identified more with the Pharisees than with Christ.

So, over 50% of us good church folk live as if God made us extra special holy people; we think ourselves inherently better than the unchurched (p. 179). As a result, some of us have undoubtedly stopped teaching that we are all (or were) wretched sinners daily opposing God and in need of unearned grace. And we forget that God alone saves and equips us to do good works. It’s quite possible many of our kids aren’t getting the gospel because we have taught salvation by works alone. As one lifelong Sunday school teacher recently said,

If kids are leaving the church, it’s because we’ve failed to give them a view of Jesus and his cross that’s compelling enough to satisfy their spiritual hunger and give them the zeal they crave” (Klumpenhower, p. 52)

Keep the Gospel in Church

Admittedly, we cannot keep every child from wandering off from classroom into the sea of churchlessness. Only those kids who have encountered the risen savior will embrace local congregations when grown. We are not responsible for what people hear and believe. God’s got that under control.

But God will hold us accountable for what we say. We can and should faithfully teach the gospel. The preached word (and not our gimmicks or bands) is the hope of the next generation and of today’s churchless. Even around 23% of the unchurched get this truth and long for better Bible teaching (Barna & Kinnaman, p. 99). The gospel of God is the complete and only good news we have to offer. If we want to fix our Sunday schools or keep them humming well, we must faithful teach the gospel yesterday, today, and always.

Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers. – I Timothy 4:16

Works Cited

Barna, G. (2003). Transforming Children Into Spiritual Champions: Why Children Should Be Your Church’s #1 Priority . Ventura : Regal .
Barna, G., & Kinnaman, D. (2014). Churchless: Understanding Today’s Unchurched and How to Connect with Them. Austin: Tyndale House.
Klumpenhower, J. (2014). Show Them Jesus: Teaching The Gospel to Kids. Greensboro: New Growth Press.

October 22, 2014February 10, 2015 Peter Witkowski Apologetics

Accepting Pedophilia

For the last few years, I have quietly told people that the next big battle of the sexual revolution will be over our children. The rationalization, decrimination, and societal acceptance of pedophiles seemed to be years away. I thought it would be the pressing issue of my son’s generation. However, the recent trends seem to suggest that the push to normalize sexual interactions between adults and minors will shortly become a mainstream issue. As Christians, we need to ready to address the issue of pedophilia.

Staying Current

Late in 2014, the famous novelist, John Grissom, stoked the flames of the discussion by defending adults who downloaded child pornography. He sees no reason to imprison guys for few unwise clicks. After all he said, “These people haven’t hurt anybody” (Oldenburg, 2014)

Sadly, Grisham is not alone when it comes to mainstream thought. The famed Atheist, Richard Dawkins agrees with the author. Reflecting on his own experiences of being molested by a male prep school teacher as a child, the scientist concluded,

I don’t think he did any of us any lasting damage (Singh, 2014).

Defining Pedophilia Today

According to WebMD, “A pedophile is a person who has a sustained sexual orientation toward children, generally aged 13 or younger” (Martin). (The age at whence a preference is an expression of pedophilia or normal sexual behavior has not been firmly established). Though there is still some debate over whether pedophilia should be mentioned in the same breath as “gay, straight, and bi-sexual,” the inevitability of its arrival as a sexual orientation is not in question. The Harvard Mental Health Letter concluded back in 2010 that, “Consensus now exists that pedophilia is a distinct sexual orientation, not something that develops in someone who is homosexual or heterosexual” (Pessimism About Pedophilia, 2010) Moreover, almost every mental health representative thinks that a person’s attraction to a child cannot be cured. Perhaps, it can be controlled with therapy. But the disposition towards loving children cannot be undone. As a recent New York Times article made very clear, lusting after a child is not inherently wrong because it is a natural phenomenon. The editorialist wrote,

A pedophile should be held responsible for his conduct — but not for the underlying attraction (Kaplan, 2014).

The only question keeping pedophilia from wide cultural acceptance is the question, “Should sex between a child and an adult be deemed appropriate conduct?” The answer is increasingly becoming a yes.

Researchers contend that adults should only have the freedom to engage in sexual acts that do not lead to the, “the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner” (Martin). To be deemed acceptable, pedophiliac actions would have to result in positive experiences for all involved. Over the past 20 years, researchers have begun noticing that Richard Dawkins view is more normative than most Americans thing. One researcher concluded from a meta-study (compiled from 1998-2000) that sexual encounters between adults and children do not, “cause intense harm on a pervasive basis regardless of gender (Rind, Bauserman, & Tromovitch, 1998).” In other words, if a boy or a girl entered willingly into the experience, the child often viewed the experience positively. As another supporter of pedophilia Tom O’Carroll said in a recent interview,

It is the quality of the relationship that matters. If there’s no bullying, no coercion, no abuse of power, if the child enters into the relationship voluntarily … the evidence shows there need be no harm (Henley, 2013).

The Path Towards Acceptance

In 2014, pedophilia was deemed by psychologists to be a natural, human condition that does not necessitate harm against children. Furthermore when the sexual expressions of pedophiles are limited to consensual encounters, their actions are increasingly seen as being “harmless” if not even a positive experiences for children. How long can a secular society devoid of Christian undergirding resist the urge to legalize pedophilia? After all, isn’t it another expression of love? And who are we to tell others who they can and cannot love?

I fear the discussion and the resulting acceptance of pedophilia will continue to gain momentum. And here is why: According to a 2004 study by the U.S. department of Education, almost 1 of every 10 public school kids will be sexually harassed by a school employee (teacher, principal, coach, etc.) (Shakeshaft, 2004, p. 20). And even more troubling, 6 of every 100 kids will have some type of physical encounter with a school employee (Ibid). In other words, 6 out of every 100 kids in our schools will be involved in sexual acts with a pedophile (Ibid). This is a lot of children and adults (not to mention those involved coaches, family members, clergy, other adults and children not associated with the public school system).

Despite all the marches, protests, and controversial judicial rulings, homosexuality is becoming a normative part of American society mostly because we all have a likeable neighbor, teacher, or sister who is a homosexual. When it comes to American sexual ethics, familiarity breeds acceptance.

Though a different issue, I don’t think it’s farfetched to believe that pedophilia will follow the same trajectory. One day soon, we will probably all know someone who has participated in a pedophiliac action. When that time comes (it may be here), will the members of American society really want to punish what they deem to be a natural and often loving behavior? Will Americans really want to send their “often professionally accomplished and even celebrated” adult brothers, neighbors, and coworkers to prison” for crimes of loving passion (p. 31)? As Sarah Goode, one of the leading researchers supporting the reclassification of pedophilia commented,

We outlawed homosexuality, and we were wrong. Perhaps we’re wrong about paedophilia (Henley, 2013).

Are we wrong again?

A Christian Response

As a Christian who affirms the Bible as the inspired word of God, I believe the answer is a resounding, “No; we were not wrong.” We should uphold the scriptures and oppose the spread of both homosexuality and pedophilia (and all other sins). The question facing Christians is not one of love or of practicality. Paul condemns the Corinthian man who slept with his stepmom without care for the two’s emotional state or rational (I Cor. 5:1-2). The question for Paul and for all Christians is: “What does God say about sex?”

According to the divine scriptures, God says that sex is designed to occur within the confines of a marriage between a man and a woman. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). God’s Genesis command is reaffirmed by both Christ and his apostles (Mat 19:5; Mark 10:7; Eph. 5:31). Any other sexual action that occurs outside of a loving, monogamous marriage relationship, whether tied to pornography, fornication, homosexuality, or adultery is sin. And every time we depart from God’s plan for sex, Holding Hands relationships are broken, people suffer both emotionally and financially, and God is dishonored (Brandon, 2009, pp. 114, 135).

Since pedophilia is an attraction to an age type, it often cannot be expressed within the confines of marriage. As the child becomes an adult, the pedophile will have to find a new and younger lover. God’s plan calls for monogamy. “So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:15b). As Christians, we are to find our sexual satisfaction in our spouse until death do us part.

Sadly, some of the relationships between a minor and an adult occasionally end in marriage. But the marriage of a pubescent child to an adult, contradicts the Biblical idea. A 12-year-old child cannot leave and cleave to their new spouse who is some 20 years their senior. Studies indicate that children enter into a relationship with an adult viewing the adult as their new parent (Shakeshaft, 2004, p. 33). Moreover, the child cannot manage a house, adequately care for children (and in some cases they are not even physically ready to reproduce), or provide for their families. Consequently in pedophiliac relationships, men and women are not leaving their parents to start a new family. Rather, kids are being manipulated into embracing new parent who offers sexual favors. We must oppose pedophilia.

Dear Parents

As parents, we must also frame the sex conversation for our kids. As they approach puberty, we need to help them understand that sex is natural, good, and enjoyable. Then, we need to help them understand that sex is designed by God to be experienced within the safe, stable, and loving paramiters of marriage. If our kids grasp the Biblical concept of sex, they will be bettered prepared to resists the advances of pedophiles, understanding that all offers of sex prior to marriage are wrong. Though it may be awkward and uncomfortable for us to talk about the birds and the bees, we need to help our kids understand sex. If we do not, the world will, and it will not go well for our children.

Hope For A Broken World

Lastly, we should also offer hope to our lost and dying world through the love of Christ. The phycologists, the pundits, and the professors all say there is no hope for pedophiles. They can manage their symptoms, but they can’t change. How depressing! But these claims are only partially true. Yes, people cannot change their desires! But, God can!

If we trust in Christ, God will make us new creations! He will radically cause us to put off our sinful desires and embrace righteousness. Notice what Paul says in I Corinthians 6:9-11

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Such were some of you! Churches are made up of sinners who were once trapped in all kinds of sins (self included). We were all hopeless, unchangeable at one point. And then God changed us! I understand that some men and women are predisposed to be pedophiles. Their natural, sinful tendency is to lust after children. But there is hope. God can redeem such desires. The dead can be brought to life. Pedophiles can be changed!

Now admittedly, some believers may still be tempted to lust after children post salvation. Addressing sexual sin, Pastor Sam Allberry writes,

We continue to struggle with sin. Temptation does not cease. The full healing and deliverance we long for are not promised this side of creation (p. 50).

Though temptations may not end (and I may not think it wise to let some people serve in our children’s ministry) desires and their resulting action do change by the power of Christ. As long as we have time, we have the hope of change! Let’s care for troubled souls by offering them the hope of Christ.

Works Cited

Allberry, S. (2013). Is God Anti-Gay. The Good Book Company .

Brandon, G. (2009). Just Sex: Is it ever just sex? Nottingham: Inter-Varsity Press.

Henley, J. (2013, January 2). Paedophilia: bringing dark desires to light. Retrieved October 9, 2014, from theguardian.com: http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jan/03/paedophilia-bringing-dark-desires-light

Kaplan, M. (2014, 10 5). The Opinion Pages. Retrieved 10 6, 2014, from http://www.nytimes.com: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/06/opinion/pedophilia-a-disorder-not-a-crime.html?_r=1

Martin, L. J. (n.d.). What is Pedophillia . Retrieved 10 9, 2014, from http://www.webmd.com: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/explaining-pedophilia

Oldenburg, A. (2014, 10 16). John Grisham: Child porn senences often too harsh . Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.usatoday.com: http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2014/10/16/john-grisham-child-porn-white-guys-prison-harsh-pedophiles/17344755/

Pessimism About Pedophilia. (2010). Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2010/July/pessimism-about-pedophilia

Rind, B., Bauserman, R., & Tromovitch, P. (1998). A Meta-Analytic Examinaiton of Assumed Properties of Child Sexual Abuse Using College Samples. Physchological Bulletin, 22-53.

Shakeshaft, C. (2004). Educator Sexaul Misconduct: A Synthesis of Existing Literature. Hutington.

Singh, A. (2014, 6 14). Richard Dawkins in storm over ‘mild date rape’ tweeets. Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.telegraph.co.uk: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/10998498/Richard-Dawkins-in-storm-over-mild-date-rape-tweets.html