April Witkowski Parenting

Does the Bible tell me to have children?

april-and-lukeAuthor: April Witkowski  

How do you decide when or if to have children? If you have a child, how do you decide whether or not to have more?

It’s a basic question. If you are young and married I’m sure people ask you some form of a child question on a regular basis. It might be asked by family members, friends at church or a stranger in Wal-mart. People are curious about this basic idea of family and everyone has their version of an opinion.

So is it really just a question that each couple comes to an answer on their own? Are there guidelines to help us? Wisdom that culture provides that must not be disputed?

It seems the prevailing advise I hear around has to do with being “prepared.” “Don’t have kids right away, enjoy just being married first.” “Save up some money and buy a house, car, etc. before bringing children into the picture.” “Parenting is hard work, make sure you are ready for it!” And then there are the awful stories told designed to scare mostly women of the horrors of childbirth and motherhood.

On top of the prevailing wisdom of our time, we have our own internal thoughts about the subject of family planning. I will speak only to the woman side of things since I understand that better. We like to think. And we have a host of ideas about whether we are willing to risk our bodies for the sake of bringing one or more babies into the world. What about the weight gain, the labor pain, the postpartum depression? What about my job? What if I’m a terrible mother? The list goes on.

I get it! I’ve thought through many of these angles.

Why have children? I mean, really, why? Is there a way to know?

Let me ask you a question… Have you ever prayed about whether or not to have kids? Have you ever opened your Bible to help you make this decision?

3 Questions To Consider

1. Are we willing to submit to God and His will for our life, and not be selfish?

Most of the reasons we have for delaying or not having children are ultimately selfish. And most of that comes from the fact that we aren’t interested in asking God about the decision before we make it. It’s all about heart attitudes.

brothers-457234_1920I committed my life to the Lord Jesus Christ over two decades ago. I’m still finding sin in my life that needs to be repented of. I’m not perfect so I know I need to continually submit myself to the Lordship of Christ. It is through the Bible that we grow in knowledge about God. So for any and all life decisions I need to first and foremost look to His Word to guide me.

I don’t think the Bible says you should have as many children as you can possibly have. The more children you have does not mean the holier you are. But the Bible does have a lot to say about what our families should be like.

Are we willing to look to the Bible for answers and obey them if we find them?

 

2. Are we going to value what God values? He loves children.

And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. – Genesis 1:28

Ok, so whether you think this command to be fruitful and multiply is still in effect or not, you at least have to agree that God values children. The next generation is always important to Him.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. – Psalm 127:3-5

Some people say we don’t need a lot of kids today because we aren’t farming and need the extra help that seven plus children bring. But I don’t see where farming or any economic incentive has a place here. God just says children are a blessing, i.e. kids are good. Period.

but Jesus said,

Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” And he laid his hands on them and went away. – Matthew 19:14-15

Jesus took time to hug on children. When others thought they were a bother, He took time out of His schedule to talk to them. If Jesus made it a point to teach His disciples the importance of children, then shouldn’t His followers today make it a point to be known for loving children?

Search the Bible and see that children are always equated with blessings and good things. Maybe the smartest most mature decision isn’t to “wait of few years” to have kids after all. But you search the scriptures and decide.

 

3. Are we committed to trusting God to provide for all our needs (physical, financial, emotional)?

Physical Needs

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. – Genesis 3:16

The physical demands of pregnancy and motherhood are real and ugly. They have to be because they are cursed. Cursed things are not all nice and rosy. But God has promised to provide grace to believing women who have children.

Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control. – 1 Timothy 2:15

Here Paul writes that Christian women will be “saved” or delivered from the curse of childbirth. Is it hard? Yes, definitely yes. But God has not forgotten women. He walks with His daughters through the pain. So as we continue in the faith (and love and holiness with self-control) God helps us endure labor and delivery. He is with us through the depression and weight struggles. We can trust our awesome God and not let fear talk us out of having girl-1250679_1920children.

 

Financial Needs

We are on a take-a-calculator-to-the-grocery-store-and-put-something-back kinda budget. So believe me when I say I know children take a toll on your income. Children cost money. But Proverbs 10:3 says,

The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry.

And you know what? We haven’t gone without food yet! Things are tight but God continues to provide for all our needs. God knows we only have one income and we still need to buy diapers.

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. – Matthew 6:31-33

 

Emotional Needs

and so train the young women to love their husbands and children – Titus 2:4

I think the fact that Paul tells older women to train younger women to love their husbands and children means that sometimes they don’t! Sometimes you don’t feel like being a wife and mom and loving your family. Does it help you to realize that the Bible addresses that? It does for me. God knows that motherhood is emotionally taxing. He hasn’t called us to the great task of motherhood to preform some cold duty. His word provides the answers to having joy in the midst of potty training! God even realizes the importance of “girl time” since He says that these older ladies should be coming by to talk to these younger ladies. He knows what we need. Look to His Word and trust God to provide for your emotional needs too.

I don’t know what size family each should have. I don’t think the Bible gives a number or a timetable. But the Bible does give us knowledge about God, wisdom about life and principles to guide us. Will you commit yourself to God and obey what He shows you in His Word?

 

 

Peter Witkowski Apologetics

Does Your Church’s Birthrate Matter?

birth-rateWe do often talk about birthrates at church. Well at least not in those terms. We discuss delaying conception until after we accomplish some life goal; we discuss how 1 or 2 kids is our ideal family size; and, we discuss why modern society no longer needs a family to have 12 kids. We examine birthrates through the lens of modern convenience and societal success. And as a result, evangelicals increasingly prize smaller and smaller families. At last check, the birthrate for Southern Baptist couples sits at 1.96, appreciably below the replacement birth rate of 2.1.

As Southern Baptists and as Bible believing Christians, we need to start looking at birthrates through the lens of biblical truth. But we need to do more than just talk. We need to act and act soon.

We need to begin advocating for large families. We need to encourage our young couples to have kids. The Bible commands it (Gen. 1:28). The survival of our churches depends upon it.

Why The Birthrate Matters

Let’s say we decide to be cool and start a new church plant called Last Baptist Church with fifty God fearing couples. Theses couples adhere to the Southern Baptist birth rate and have 98 kids. The couples’ kids grow up in great Christians homes where church attendance is a must. They attend Sunday school, Bible Drill, and Disciple Now weekends. They get baptized. Eventually, most of them go off to college. According to George Barna, somewhere between 30%-40% of these kids will stayChurch-retention-rate actively involved in church. We will assume that our Last Baptist church is a really godly church and will go with the higher number, predicting that 40% of the kids stay involved. The next generation is now comprised of 39 people. Thankfully, studies by Steve Parr have shown that about 40% of those church kids who walked away from the faith will decide to come back to church. As time goes on, 24 of the kids who left will return to our church’s pews. The second generation now consists of 63 adults.

These 63 adults get together and start their own families. They have 61 kids. And they grow up, leave and come back. Last Baptist’s third generation now consists of 39 people. In a matter of three generations our Last Baptist Church will see it’s young adult attendance drop from 100 people to 39.  After another generation has passed, the church adult attendance goes down to 24 and then 16.

Population Bubble

Now this does not happen immediately. There is a lot of generational overlap. The initial three generations will all attend church together for some time. The church members will think that Last Baptist Church is relevant, expanding, and reaching people. After all it has gone from a 100 people to an average attendance of 202 people in a period of 30 years. Life is good; the Senior Pastor gets invited to speak at church planting conferences. But then the senior adults begin to pass away and the kids begin to leave. The population bubble bursts. As the second generation moves into the leadership roles, the church’s attendance slowly drops from 202 to 1126. Although the church begins to struggle, the sanctuary is still relatively full. After a few more years pass, the third generation moves into leadership. Now the average attendance is down to 79. And then bottom falls out when the fourth generation takes over. Only 56 people are regularly attending. You have 24 senior adults, 16 adults and 16 kids. The leaders of the church wonder what went wrong? They wonder were all the people went. And though the answer is simple, it is a hard one to swallow. The people were never born.

Last-Baptist-Generation-BreakdownAdmittedly, no church goes through such a simple, straight forward process as Last Baptist Church. People move off, join other churches, and new members come through conversion. There are a whole host of variables at play.

But in many cases, I believe those variables do not favor the church. Some little towns will see large portions of their second and third generations move away. Of those 63 kids, perhaps only 20-30 of them will actually stay in town. Instead of going up, the birth rate will most likely continue to drop with each succeeding generation. All of these factors will serve to expedite Last Baptist’s decline. Instead of taking 60 to 80 years, the decline I’ve described could happen in matter of 15-20 years. I believe that many little, country churches may be dying today because their previous generations did not have kids. Their bubbles have begun to burst.

I know that the birthrate is not the only thing that determines whether or not a church is about to die. Tom Rainer has written several good little books such as I AM A Church Member and the Autopsy of A Deceased Church that tackle many of the heart attitudes and bad theology that undo a church. I highly recommend them to all who want their church to thrive.

But a church’s birthrate must be considered. I believe that the birthrate is a contributing factor to a church’s decline. According to the book Spiritual Champions, almost 64% of all people embrace Christ by 18. Adults are not nearly as receptive as children. Only around 6% of people over age 19 will be open to the gospel. Can we and should we reach out to adults with the gospel? Yes! I have personally seen God radically transform fifty-year-old men and women. Yet a church that does not have kids will miss its best chance to reach one of the largest and most approachable demographics. As a result, the church that is content will a low birthrate is a church that is content with decline. The SBC is already seeing this phenomenon take place. Membership continues to drop despite our best evangelistic efforts. And unless birthrates change, I predict the decline will continue.

If we want our churches to grow, we must encourage our families to grow. Are you ready to do this?

Peter Witkowski Apologetics

Is The Transgender Movement Twisting Back Towards Biblical Ideals?

Ctransgender bloglose to two weeks ago, a monumental story broke with little fanfare. The Multnomah County Circuit Court of Oregon declared that Jame Shupe could legally change his sex to “non-binary.” The ruling is a historic win for the transgender movement. For the first time in the United States, a person has been officially declared to be a gender other than male or female. In the future, Jame Ship maybe able to write non-binary on his driver’s license.

Though the full ramifications of the ruling are yet unknown, Jame naturally considers the ruling a personal victory and a win from the transgender movement. As he said in a recent interview:  “I was assigned male at birth due to biology…I’m stuck with that for life. My gender identity is definitely feminine. My gender identity has never been male, but I feel like I have to own up to my male biology. Being non-binary allows me to do that. I’m a mixture of both. I consider myself as a third sex.” The ruling finally allows Jame to be truly himself.

And while the declaration is clearly a win for transgender movement, it also comes with a silver lining for Bible believing Christians By asking to be recognized as a third sex, Jame is discovering what Christains already know. Jame is admitting that hormone therapies, surgeries, and emotional perferences do not make a person a woman or a man. People are born we an inherent sexual identity that affects every cell of their body. Regardless of how hard they try, they cannot transform themselves into the other sex. By getting a judge to declare him to be non-binary, Jame is admitting that the natural and biblical reality is true and to some degree impermeable. As he said, “I have to own up to my male biology.”

At this point, I and those in the transgender movement disagree. Jame and those on the left are eager to create new genders. But as Christians I do not think the solution is to create additional genders. The way forward is to encourage Jame and all of humanity to embrace their God given biological gender. Instead of seeking to be non-binary, the scriptures encourage Jame to embrace the humanity of his masculinity. Freedom in found in the redemption of the created order and not in it violent manipulation.

Regardless, I think Christians should be excited that people in the transgender movement are starting to realize once again that gender is bigger than a mental disposition. They are starting to twist back to reality. Biology matters. I encourage all who read this post to join me in embracing God’s creative design. Join me in affirming the biological order. Join me in recognizing that all people are either man or woman.