Peter Witkowski Sermon on the Mount

Divorce: What Does Jesus Think?

According to some religious people, you can have the sexual ethic of an out-of-control frat boy and still never sleep with anyone other your spouse. In first century Judaism, religious leaders happened upon this arrangement through the practice of no fault divorce. If the leader’s wife gained weight, nagged too much, or simply became a bore, the men of that era would march down to the local town council, file a complaint listing one of the afore mentioned criticisms, and then return home with a divorce certificate. That night, they would push their wife to the curb. The following morning, they would go out and marry their secretary, enjoying ‘marital’ intimacy with their new and improve spouse. The whole thing was legal and condoned by the religious community. These men never officially cheated on anyone and yet, were free to engage new sexual partners as often as they had the inclination. Selfishness masquerading as personal happiness had been both sanctified and institutionalized.

Is Divorce Good?

Jesus, however, was not impressed with this arrangement. Jesus opposed divorce because it stands in violated the ethic of the Kingdom of God. Marriage exists to picture Christ’s love for the church. Though the Church stumbles into error, becomes selfish, Jesus never abandon his bride. He pursues her, cares for her, sanctifies her, and sacrifices for her. When a man and a woman marry, they commit to pursuing, caring, sanctifying, and sacrificing for their spouse even when life is unpleasant. They commit to building a relationship that resembles Jesus’s love for his people.

When a man divorces his wife because he has grown distant from her, he defies the notions of meekness, mercy, and peacemaking that Jesus prioritized. When a woman divorces her husband because he was a bore and then marries her neighbor because he promises more relational excitement and better sexual intimacy, she too defies the commands of God. Instead of pursuing their spouses, sacrificing for them, and humbly overlooking their faults, the people in the above scenarios boast in their abilities, extend merciless condemnation, and lay downs ultimatums that if not fulfilled will free them to pursue a new sexual partner. In short, people divorce because they refuse to love their spouse. Jesus always loves.

The results of divorce evidence that divorce results from an absence of love. A recent Huffington Post article noted that the divorce process produces the following emotions: shock, pain, anger, angst, sadness, anxiety, embarrassment, and shame. Instead of liberating or enriching the soul, divorce destroys the hearts of all involved. The prophet Malachi sums up the brutal nature of divorce writing,

“Let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts.” So guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless.

Divorce produces results at odds with the revealed will of God. With this in mind, we can understand why Jesus says,

“everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery (Matt 5:32b).”

While sex remains an intimate part of marriage it is not the totality of marriage covenant. According to Genesis 2:24, marriage exists to foster spiritual, physical, and emotional connection between one man and one women as long as they both shall live. In Matthew 19:4-5, Jesus affirmed the Genesis creation mandate, stating,

Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.

Is Divorce Every Ok?

Though Jesus stands against divorce, he does allow his followers to initiate divorce if their spouse has engaged in sexual intimacy with someone else. When a husband walks in on his wife in bed with another man or woman, his marriage covenant has been shattered by his spouse’s unfaithfulness. The apostle Paul notes, “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” In other words, sexual immorality reorients the marriage pact from the husband to the person having the affair with the wife. The marriage is over the moment she cheats. Jesus understands that the brokenness of the world can profoundly touch our lives through no fault of our own and provides the hurting with a means of gracious deliverance from sin.

At this juncture, the husband may either pursue his wife or he may divorce her. As a pastor, my heart aligns with John Stott who said,

“I have made it a rule never to speak with anyone about divorce, until I have first spoken with them about two other subjects, namely marriage and reconciliation.”

Reconciliation should always be explored. But if the husband says, “no” and wants to move forward with a divorce, he has the freedom in Christ to divorce his unfaithful wife and to marry a new bride. But even in this case, sin still necessitates the divorce. Had the wife been faithful, the husband would never have filed divorce papers.

Moreover, the believing spouse bears no guilt if her spouse chooses to leave the marriage. If a wife finds herself staring at divorce papers even though she has never cheated and has fought to foster a healthy marriage, she is free to allow her unbelieving husband to go. Paul writes, “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace (1 Cor 7:15).” If a husband leaves his marriage because he finds his wife dull, the wife left behind has not sinned and is free to remarry.

How the Church Helps

Church discipline proves helpful in assessing such abandonment. If a husband threatens to leave his wife for reasons not tied to sexual sin, the local church should intervene, working through the steps of church discipline found in Matthew 18. If the man refuses to listen to the pleas of his wife and then to the pleas of his wife and the leaders of the church, the leaders of the church should take the case to the whole church. If the husband still refuses to reconcile with his wife, the church should excommunicate him. Jesus says, “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” Once the church labels the man and unbeliever and the divorce is complete, the woman attains the freedom to remarry. The congregation can openly affirm her faith and love for others. They church can provide her with counseling and help her cover the cost of restarting her life. Conversely, they can call the husband to repentance and faith. When properly exercised, church polity proves to be a powerful tool for believers walking through the complexities of divorce.

Because of sin, Jesus allows the believer to divorce his or her spouse after the spouse commits a sexual sin that annuls their marriage vows. Jesus also allows believers to let their unbelieving spouses divorce them.

What About?

Because the human heart struggles to live out the kingdom ethic of Jesus, a host of other divorce scenarios exist. Wives who hold down great jobs and manage the family find themselves married to deadbeat husbands who live and sleep in the garage playing video games. Husbands wake up next to wives who ruthlessly insult and malign them week after week. Other women find their marriage to be a constant source of misery for their husband does nothing but rave angerly at their kids. Others lament their marriage because their wife’s atheistic views prevent them from being in ministry. In all these cases and more, divorce seems preferable to a lifetime of marital pain. Many in such marriages assume that Jesus would sanction their divorce.

But according to Jesus, those who divorce because their marriage has become a profound source of misery commit adultery. Instead of divorcing, the believing spouse should remain in the marriage, extending grace, love, mercy, forgiveness, and peace to the offending spouse. As Paul notes, “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife (1 Cor 7:16)?” If the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay in the marriage and has not committed sexual sin, the believing spouse must not divorce. By staying he or she brings the hope and blessing of God to bear on the marriage.

If abuse is involved, the legal authorities should be involved and the church should do anything and everything to keep the wife and kids save. Safety is a prerequisite for reconciliation.

Singleness is Pretty Good

Jesus’s understanding of divorce and its implication for less than happy marriages proves hard to stomach for many. Even his disciples thought as much, telling Jesus, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Indeed, singleness is to be preferred to a bad marriage. Singleness is not a blight on the soul. Rather it is a gift through which spiritual ministry can flow. As noted above, marriage is a profound blessing when entered into by two souls committed to the kingdom ethic through faith. But the glory of Christian marriage does not negate the glory of singleness. Paul notes, “So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better (1 Cor 7:38).”

Final Thoughts

If men and women exchange marriage partners like a sex-crazed college student, they have not discovered morality. They have simply rebranded and institutionalized adultery, employing divorce as a social mechanism of dignified violence. May God give us the grace needed to value singleness and to uphold the kingdom ethic of love and marriage.

Peter Witkowski Sermon on the Mount

The Truth About Sexual Intimacy and Fulfillment

Though most souls affirm that beauty can be expressed through sexual intimacy, few know how to nurture it. Many of us learned about sexual intimacy in the shadows of pornography far removed from the light of relationship.

This explicitly charged discipleship model has trained us to view sexual intimacy as a private concern with a value shaped by one’s appetites. It makes personal gratification the measure of success. If a man finds satisfaction with his wife, he deems that to be good for society. Similarly, if he finds gratification with a woman who is not his wife or with another man, he thinks society should affirm those expressions of private sexual appetite. According to the wisdom of our postmodern society, most all expressions of sexual fulfillment are deemed valuable and worthy of affirmation. Too much brokenness and hurtful judgment already exists. In other words, those who limit intimacy to traditional, heterosexual marriage stand opposed to human fulfillment and flourishing.

This approach to sexuality has increasingly taken root in the church. After all, Christian Messiah came not to affirm the legalism of his day but to promote love. Jesus never directly addressed the complex issues associated with homosexuality or polymerous relationships. He was too busy caring for the sick, hungry, and broken. Moreover, some think that since God created both sexes, he will welcome all expressions of sexual intimacy. In other words, Jesus longs for every soul to experience sexual fulfillment, joy, and acceptance. Still the question remains: is the popular narrative really how Jesus approached human sexuality?

It is not. Jesus calls us to live out our sex life within the context of God’s law.

More than Sex

To be clear, Jesus does care deeply about human flourishing and by extension human sexuality. The scriptures frequent touch upon sex, praising its good expressions and criticizing its abuses.

But Jesus does not believe human fulfillment is derived from sexual intimacy. Rather, Jesus locates love and acceptance in the soul’s relationship with God. Despite the blind musing of some authors, the historical narratives reveal that Jesus never married and never enjoyed sexual intimacy outside of marriage. Jesus experienced the favor of God outside of the context of sexual intimacy through his fulfillment of the law (Matt 3:17). He then goes on to call his followers to this same level of purity irrespective of their sexual urges, declaring, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

This proves to be an exceptional moment in redemptive history. In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve, the progenitors of humanity, violated the very simple first Law of God which consisted of avoiding the fruit on one tree. When they ate the forbidden fruit, they corrupted their nature and then bequeathed that brokenness to every human being who came after them. Because of that first transgression against the Law of God, human sexuality, physicality, and reason were forever bent towards evil. No soul could obey the law. Men and women were forever separated from God for holiness could not fellowship with corruption. They were many things, but purity was not one of them.

When Jesus died on the cross, he fulfilled once and for all the payment for sin. By his blood, he cleansed all who would repent and believe from the penalties and moral stains of their evil deeds. The very power that enabled Jesus to keep the Law operates in the soul of every believer, producing experiences of joy, contentment, and fulfillment. In other words, human flourishing comes through the gospel of Jesus Christ which enables men and women to enjoy the favor of God.

A Quick Word on Singleness

This fulfillment can be achieved irrespective of a person’s marital status. The thief on the cross never knew the joys of Christian marital intimacy and yet entered heaven full of joy (Lk 23). Jesus notes, “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage but are like angels in heaven (Matt 22:30).” Picking up on Jesus’s eternal focus, Paul writes, “he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better (1 Cor 7:38).” The apostle is asserting that singleness and a lack of sexual intimacy does not negatively impact the soul’s experiences of spiritual fulfillment. The married and unmarried can both know the joys of salvation. Instead of hindering happiness, singleness and abstinence founded upon the gospel often help facilitate one’s relationship with God.

Sex in the Kingdom

For sexual intimacy to support human flourishing, it must align with God’s design for the sexes through the saving grace of the gospel. In Genesis 2, God made men and women in-part for the purpose of life-giving sexual intimacy. Jesus reaffirmed the Genesis mandate in Matthew 19:4-6 and condemned adultery. While marriage certainly fosters procreation, it also should foster the spiritual growth of the husband and of the wife for it is based on expressions of selflessness. Theologian John McArthur writes, “The two key attitudes in a successful marriage are self-denial and self-giving, both of which are contrary to human nature but made possible to those who trust in God through Jesus.” The husband is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25).” The wife is to humbly support her husband, affirming his leadership (Eph 5:22,33). Admittedly neither spouse will perfectly reflect Christ. But even failure highlights Jesus for a spouses sin give their beloved an opportunity to displays the glories of mercy and forgiveness that uphold their marital union. In this context of selflessness, sexuality flourishes (1 Cor 7:3). Both the husband and the wife enter intimacy to express and experience selflessness. In-turn, they discover the fulfillment of love. Sex becomes the most intimate expression of the kingdom ethic which states, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them (Matt 712).”

Sex Outside Marriage

When intimacy sneaks its way outside of the marriage union, sexuality becomes an expression of personal consumption. Instead of seeking to affirm her partner, the adulterer exploits her partner for her gain. Once she has her physical urges met and emotional wants stroked, she dispenses with her partner regardless of his sense of satisfaction. Since he is not invested in her success, he too can turn their one-night stand into an unflattering Instagram post. Trust evaporates. According to an article in the Atlantic, intimacy divorced from commitment proves to be less frequent, more medical harmful, and less fulfilling than the sexual intimacy found in long term relationships. In other words, sexual freedom produces less sexual intimacy.

It also leads to spiritual death. The apostle Paul notes that “neither the sexual immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality” will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor 6:9). Those who insists on sleeping with their boyfriend, a having office romances while married, and enjoying open marriages will not enter by the narrow gate. Adultery left unchecked will ruin the soul.

Your Mind And Sex

But according to Jesus, adultery is not the only form of sexual malfeasance that wrecks the soul. Jesus cares just as much about the woman fantasizing about her neighbor as he does about the man who sleeps with his coworker while on vacation. He strengthens the religious prohibition against adultery to include the heart saying, “everyone that looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” To be guilty of adultery one never has to be in the same room with the object of his or her lust. No clothes need come off. To lust, the soul needs only to covet sexual intimacy with someone who is not his or her spouse to be guilty of lust. Once the mind meditates, explores, and expands upon ideas of intimacy outside of marriage, it joins Adam and Eve’s open rebellion against God, declaring the human heart to be the arbitrator of what is good and right. Sadly, the mind that refuses to mourn its lust, preferring to hide in a lifetime of dirty images, will never know comfort of salvation.

The Solution to Bad Sex

To avoid spiritual death, the soul must put forth every effort to be rid of lust. Jesus notes in Matthew 5:30, “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better to lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” The savior of the universe does not want Christians to fight lust with physical mutilation. The context of Matthew 5 reveals that Jesus is discussing matters of the heart. He is calling his listeners to perform open heart surgery to remove all sources of sexual sin.

In 2003, outdoor enthusiasts, Aron Lee Ralston, slipped while climbing in Utah and found his arm pinned against a mountain by a bolder. After waiting five days for help and having exhausted his water, Ralston took matters into his own hands. He pulled out the 2-inch blade from his pocketknife and slowly and methodically cut off his arm. Over the span of 2 hours, he sliced his way through skin, arteries, bones, and eventually the nerve. He amputated his arm to save his life. Had he kept his arm, he would have died.

The Christian should take the same radical approach to lust. If his smartphone provides his hearts with avenues to lust, he should drop his cell service. If her Netflix account fosters sexual fantasies, she should drop it and be thought a neanderthal by her family. If that Facebook connection allows one to dream about sexual intimacy with an old high school sweetheart, the believer should quit Facebook and be thought unfriendly. The Christian should realize that unchecked adultery leads to death and hack off anything that would cause the heart to stumble into lust. If the believer takes the knife to his heart, Christ promises to help. The God who fulfilled the law will empower the soul to pluck out its eye and to cut off its hands. The soul that fails to discover freedom from lust proves it has truly mourned its sin. In other words, the heart that does not fight adultery is most assuredly already being destroyed adultery.

Peter Witkowski Discipleship, Sermon on the Mount

Is Anger Ok?

Anger. It is something we have all done. Its something we have all experienced, serving as the object of someone else’s diatribe. As Psychology Today noted, anger is, “often pretty clear-cut. It’s rarely subtle.”

Though we have all encountered forceful and emotional expressions of negativity, few of us know what to do with our rage. Some encourage us to openly vent our frustrations. Others bury their feelings deep inside, proclaiming that everything is fine. Sure, they haven’t spoken to their friends in 50 years, but everything is fine. Lastly, others use anger as a source of motivation, referencing past insults and forecasts of doom to find the energy needed to become their schools next valedictorian or to smash the opposing football team. Anger remains both a common and complex emotion.

Thankfully, the Jesus of the New Testament addresses our challenges. He goes beyond the pithy statements found in Matthew 5:3-10 and explains how to be salt and light. In the process, he deals with things such as divorce, lying, and even anger.

According to Jesus, anger is not something to be vented, hidden, or repurposed. We are to abhor it and to repent of our sinful, negative emotions. If we remain angry, frustrated, or bitter, we will awake one day soon to find our souls imprisoned under God’s wrath with no way of escape.

Murder is Bad

When Jesus tackled the topic of anger in Matthew 5:21-26, he found his society’s understanding of rage to be artificially constrained and short sighted. The scribes and the Pharisees had restricted the discussion of anger to a discussion of murder. They said that anyone who murder their wife, coworker, or neighbor “will be liable to judgement (Matt 5:21).” Their vague restatement of Genesis 9:6, Exodus 21:12-14, and other passages on murder correctly affirmed the sanctity of human life and the need to address accusations of murder with spiritual diplomacy and legal nuance. Those who take the life of an unborn baby, a middle-aged mom, or of a bedbound senior-adult should be held accountable to the standards of divine justice. Jesus concurs with this assessment of the Old Testament law.

Anger is Bad

But Jesus did not believe the religious leaders of his day went far enough. They lost sight of the reality that God also hates our self-centered pride which fuels our anger. As Proverbs 29:22 notes, “one given to anger causes much transgression.” When men and women lash out at their children, mom and dad do so because they are selfish. The mud stains on the carpet ensure that mom and dad will have to exchange their quiet evening on the coach for some intense floor scrubbing. Because their divine plans have been interrupted, they lash out at the kids. In other words, they expressed anger because they wanted what they wanted and were willing to punish others to get it and maintain it. Even are close friends, our kids, and our spouses are not protected from the negative emotion that flows from our love of self.

According to Jesus, the eyes of the arrogant are just as deadly as “the hands that murder the innocent (Prov 6:19).” If we were to update the analogy, we could say that Jesus views the mini-van driving mom screaming at her kids and of the faced-tattooed, serial killer sitting on death row as one-in-the-same. Matthew 5:22 bluntly states, “everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement.” To keep us from writing off this sentiment as the miscalculation of a poor biblical interpretation, Jesus circles around the concept of anger and expands his definition. He notes that those who insult their friends and call their friends fools will be punished for their unkind words (Matt 5:22). The concept of the term insult implies the notion that one is empty headed. In other words, to insult one’s brother would be to call him stupid, bone headed, or dumb. To call someone a fool was to label someone as being worthy of hell fire and damnation. When we insult the guy who cuts us of off in traffic, the politician who never seems to get things right, and the kids who all seem to do the opposite of what we asked, we commit the sin of anger. We are not simply Irish or passionate or misunderstood. According to Jesus, we are angry. We are sinning against God.

The Importance of Reconciliation

Because anger leads to eternal judgement, we should quickly exchange anger for reconciliation. Jesus tells two miniature parables in Matthew 5:23-26 towards this end. In the first, he tells his audience that they need to leave everything including an animal on the alter and go and be reconciled. Were we to update Jesus’s words, we would say that if one is leading the choir or preaching a sermon and realizes they have committed anger, they need to walk off the stage, drive to their neighbor’s house, and ask for forgiveness. Pastors, church leaders, and religious people do not get a special pass when it comes to anger. God does not look the other way when they fume with anger because they reached so many people or built such a large church. Jesus tells them to drop everything and repent.

To drive the point home, he tells a second parable of a man on his way to debtors prisons. He says that if the man cannot settle before court, he will wind up in prison and will never get out. The man in prison, lacks the ability to work and to gain the capital need to pay off his debt. In other words, Jesus declares that those who take their anger, bitterness, and vengeance to the grave will miss out on the mercy of God and know only the fires of hell. Before we get to eternity, we should seek peace with those we have offended. We should ask them to forgive us for all the wrongs that we have done. And we should stand at the ready to forgive others freely extending mercy to everyone who asks. Those who voice their negative emotions on Facebook and those who secretly nourish a lifetime of bitterness that pops out in the occasional ugly look or snide comment will miss the hope of heaven and spend eternity under God’s wrath. Instead of cultivating anger, we must invest in reconciliation, seeking peace with all. If we do not and allow our angry to fester it will destroy us. We must hate anger and pursue reconciliation for judgment is coming.

Is All Anger Bad?

However, the concept of God being wrathful or angry reveals that not all anger is sinful. Some things should be viewed with forceful negativity such as rape and murder. God’s righteous and just anger should burn against sin. Moreover, Paul tells us in Ephesians 4 to be angry and not to sin. A place exists for forceful, godly negative emotions.

When human anger is righteous, it should mimic the character of Jesus and provoke within us a strong desire that pushes towards justice and forgiveness. Godly anger pushes us to help the poor and to demand justice for the abused. But it then leads us to evangelize and pray for those who cheated the poor and committed the abuse. When Christ emptied the temple with a whip in Matthew 21:12, he returned the next day to call those same men and women to repentance. When he was hung on a cross and insulted, he extended his murderers forgiveness (Lk 23:44). Indeed, “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Ps 103:8).” His people should do likewise (Jm. 1:19).