Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Rebuke: An Overlooked and Yet Essential Means of Grace

Though the idea of “rebuke” makes many evangelicals queasy, the discipline is not an archaic tool of yesteryear. Nor is it the exclusive domain of those discernment blogger types the crawl around twitter and Tik Tok. It is an essential means of grace. As the fall of King David makes clear, even the most faithful of Christians can become desensitized to their sin and stand in need of a rebuke.

David and Nathan

At the conclusion of 2 Samuel 11, the readers find King David moving in with Bathsheba and at peace with having had an affair with her and with having had orchestrated the murder of her husband – one of the David’s mighty men. David no longer thinks of his sins and encourages his conspirator in Uriah’s murder, Joab. to do the same. He tells the anxious general: “Don’t let this displease you (2 Sam 11:25).” Despite David’s self-assurances, God is still displeased with his sins.

Though a reader of 2 Samuel might assume that David stumbled into the muck because he had allowed the Scriptural wall around his heart to fall into decay, the text asserts the opposite to be true. When Nathan tells the story of a wealthy man who had stolen a poor farmer’s only beloved sheep, David correctly applies the Old Testament law which declares that “If a man steals…a sheep, and kills it or sells it, he shall repay…four sheep for a sheep (Ex 22;1).” David tells Nathan that the rich man, “shall restore the lamb fourfold (2 Sam 12:6).” And in that reference of Scripture, David reveals the insidious and blinding nature of sin. David can quickly and correctly apply the Scriptures to the thefts of others but cannot see the adultery and murder that he committed. Well did Jesus warn us: “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye (Matt 7:5).” Thus, the Lord mercifully sends Nathan to show David the tree in his eye and to declare, “You are the man (2 Sam 12:7)!” Apart from Nathan, David could not have grasped that he had sin, would not have sought repentance, and could have perished for his sins. Nathan’s rebuke delivered David from the fog of deception that had enveloped his heart so that he could once again see the brilliance of his Lord and pursue holiness. To quote the words of King Solomon – David next son with Bathsheba, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend (Prov 27:6).”

A Pastoral Responsibility

Though no pastor or elder should delight in the need for rebuke, all must be prepared to both offer and accept rebuke. To neglect rebuke is to neglect the foundations of soul care and discipleship. Paul tells Titus that pastors must “rebuke those who contradict” sound doctrine (Ti. 1:9, 13) and Timothy that, “the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will (Tim 2:24-25). The pastor who loves his sheep neither ignores their sin nor wishes it away. He preaches the warning of Scripture from the pulpit and shares them with those sitting opposite his desk. As with Nathan, obedience and love compels the faithful pastor or elder to rebuke his congregants so that they too may be rescued from their sins.  

A Congregational Responsibility

But what proves true of the church’s pastors and elders also proves true of those in the pew. Jesus invites the whole church to engage in rebuke when he says in Luke 17:3b that, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” When we encounter a brother drunk at work, a sister dating an unbeliever, or a teenager disrupting her class with vulgar jokes, we must tell them that they too are the man or the woman so that they will not be lost to sin. As the theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer noted, “Nothing can be more cruel than the tenderness that consigns another to his sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe rebuke that calls a brother back from his sin.” Or to quote the Old Testament law: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him (Lev. 19:17.” If we love our fellow church members, we will rebuke them.

Your Responsibility

In addition to giving rebukes, we must also accept them. Because as Bonhoeffer noted all evangelical are prone to turning the “justification of sinners…into the justification of sin,” we all stand in need of rebuke. Spiritual health depends upon it. To foster such a spirit, Christians must ground their lives in local church. It exists in-part to foster relationships between future Davids and Nathans so that when the time comes for rebuke someone from your small group, Sunday school class, or book club will lovingly tell you, “You are the man…You are the woman.”

And when they risk the relationship for our good, we should also welcome the rebuke and repent.  We should not recoil at our pastor’s words nor excuse our sins to the small group member. Rather, we should thank them for seeking to help us and ponder the merits of their rebuke against the Scripture. We should have the mindset of David who wrote in Psalm 141:5, “Let a righteous man strike – me it is a kindness; let him rebuke me – it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it.” Though rebukes can be painful in the moment, we should view those faithful corrections as acts of God’s mercy for the Lord has not surrendered us to the power sin and judgment. When confronted about our sins, may God give us to grace to confess as David did, “I have sinned against the Lord (2 Sam 12:13).”

Moreover, we should not despair because someone had to rebuke us for even in the darkest hours Jesus is at work in us. Jeremiah Burrough helpfully notes, “the art of arts and the science of sciences…[is] to understand…that God…will bring life out of death, joy out of sorrow…and many times…grace out of sin, that is make uses of sin to work the furtherance of grace.” Do not sulk about the need for rebuke. Rather praise God for using even your rebellion to grow your faith through repentance and its resulting restoration.

Final Thoughts

The tool of rebuke is neither antiquated nor useless. Its use proves essential to the well being of our churches and our souls. Christian growth cannot happen without it. May God give us the grace to both give and accept rebuke.

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

David and Jonathan: The Illusion of Sex and the Nature of True Friendship

While those who adhere to the historic Christian faith love to champion the shepherd boy’s bold defeat of Goliath, they are much less comfortable with David and Jonathan’s relationship. In 2 Samuel 1:26, David famously pens the following oration for his dead friend, “I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love to me was extraordinary surpassing the love of women.” Finding some parallels between David’s language above and that of the various sexual revolutions, some theologians have concluded that David had a romantic relationship with Jonathan. Such claims rightfully trouble those who defend the historic understanding of the Scripture’s sexual ethics. But do the such claims have merit?

Context Matters

While the hypothesis that Jonathan and David were friends with benefits makes sense of the modern belief that unrestrained sexual expression is the highest good, it does not make sense of David’s world or of adherence to Biblical morality. The ancient Jews believed that communion with the Lord and not sex proved to be man’s greatest good. David said of himself in Psalm 16:9 that, “My heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure” because “The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup (Ps 16:5).” David found his validation not in the bedroom with his latest lover but in the Lord’s sanctuary worshiping. As David wrote in Psalm 145:16, The Lord satisfies “the desire of every living thing.”

This is not to say that David forever found joy in the Lord. He did transgress God’s sexual ethic. A few pages over in 2 Samuel 3:2-5, the author of Scripture reveals that David had six wives. Moreover in 2 Samuel 11-12, the author explores David’s affair with Bathsheba and resulting judgment in detail. In other words, the Scriptures never whitewashed David’s sins or violations of God’s commands, presenting and condemning them as sin. Had David’s funeral oration implied a sexual relationship with Jonathan, a violation of Leviticus 18:22 which declared that laying with “a man as a woman” was “an abomination,” readers would expect the author of 2 Samuel to have offered an editorial condemnation of David’s actions. But no such condemnation exists.

David was not discussing a sexual connection. To imply otherwise, readers must negate both the historical setting of David’s words and the witness of David’s other Scriptural writings. They must give the text a meaning that David did not intend and that his original readers would never have seen. In short, the homosexual reading of this text so transforms David’s words that they come mean the very opposite of what author originally intended to convey.

What was David Saying?

Rather than exhorting the glories of male sexuality, David was championing the glories of faith-based friendship. In other words, David is answering the question of “what is better than sex?” His answer is: “Friendship that is built upon a shared trust in the Lord.” In 1 Samuel 14, readers meet Jonathan scaling up a mountain to almost single-handedly defeat a garrison of philistines. He does so because he believes that “The Lord has given them into the hand of Israel.” Similarly, David burst onto the scene against Goliath declaring, “This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, I will strike you down and cut off your head…that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel (1 Sam 17:46-47).” The men bonded over their shared love for and trust in the Lord. Jonathan famously testified to the nature of their relationship when by faith in God’s future promises he asked the then fugitive David to care for him and his family, saying, “If I am still alive, show me the steadfast love of the Lord, that I may not die; and do not cut off your steadfast love from my house forever, when the Lord cuts off every one of the enemies of David from the face of the earth (1 Sam 20:14-15).” Jonathan’s friendship proved better than sex for it pointed David to the Lord who satisfies every desire through the keeping of his promises.

Like David and Jonathan, Jesus also affirms that humans find their greatest fulfillment in worship and not sex. Commenting on an odd question from the Sadducees about marital relations in heaven, Jesus said, “For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven (Mk 12:25).” At death, sex ends. However, the worship of the Lord and relationship with both God and man continue. Thus, for the Christian, the greatest friendships are not tied inherently to sex or to procreation but to the unity built upon a shared trust in the Lord. Thus, Paul can say that he wished all believers were single as he was (1 Cor 7:7). Sex ends. Our love for God and those who love God does not.

So What About Marriage?

Though David praises Jonathan for his friendship, the shepherd’s friendship with the crown prince does not negate the beauties of marriage. The Bible exhorts men and women to marry because the institution pictures Christ’s love for the church (Eph. 5). Moreover, sex should not be a joyless, professional duty for the purpose of procreation. As Solomon says of his bride, “For your love is better than wine (1:2).” Rather God designed it to be a joyful expression of a unity built upon a shared faith in Christ whose fruit can produce both children and salvation. The biblical ideal is for couples to experience both spiritual and physical oneness.

But David’s relationship with Jonathan also warns against pursuing sex apart from a shared embrace of God’s Word. A single man or woman in a god-fearing asexual relationship with someone of the same gender can achieve a greater sense unity, love, and fulfillment with a believing friend than a believer can achieve with an unbeliever in the marriage bed. Sex cannot satisfy or make up for a lack of spiritual unity. Sex will fade and then disappear at death. But friendships built on a shared love for the Lord will last forever. May we never exchange eternal relationship for momentary gratification.

Final Thoughts

Though the secular mind declares most every sexual impulse to be a good and a rightful means of fulfillment, the Scriptures present a different narrative. They declare that man’s chief end is found in glorifying God. The truest and best relationships end not in sex but in worship. Though a Christian marriage should result in both spiritual and physical oneness providing the world with a beautiful picture of Christ and his church and a new generation of children, spiritual unity can be achieved outside the bonds of marriage. In other words, David was not a homosexual but a heterosexual man who delighted in the eternal joy that comes from having a friend who pointed him to the Lord. May we all (single and married) find such a friend and be such a friend!

Peter Witkowski Biblical Counseling, Discipleship

Mourning and Celebrating: A Biblical Response to Pastoral Sin

Christians typically either grab a magnifying glass or their broom when they discover that their pastor is no longer above reproach. Those in the detective camp pour over the disgraced man’s sermons, his aloof interpersonal skills, and his propensity to arrive five minutes late to everything hoping to create a diagnostic that will save them from future hurt. Those with the brooms take the opposite approach and attempt to sweep away all thoughts of the hurt. They refuse to talk about the sin and work hard to return to normal, excusing, overlooking, and ignoring the scandal. Though common, neither response aligns with scriptural principles. As seen in David’s response to the news of King Saul’s death in 2 Samuel 1:17-27, the appropriate response to the sin of God’s anointed consists of mourning the effects of his sin, hating the cause of his sin, and then celebrating good that God accomplished through this failed leader.

Mourn the Effects of His Sin

Though about to be king himself, David does not begin his lamentation with a leadership autopsy but with mourning. David laments the death of Saul because it obscures the glory of God. According to David, the Philistine women, the most vulnerable of God’s enemies, are gleefully mocking the one true God (2 Sam 1:19-20). They assume that God’s inability to save Saul reveals that God is weak and unable to give his people victory over their enemies. And now the enemies rejoice because they believe that the God of Israel is just another powerless deity crafted by human imagination to suppress and inspire the simple. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob needs no longer be feared or obeyed.

Understanding the confusion caused by Saul’s sin and death, David does not endlessly tweet about event or post YouTube videos discussing how to prevent future failures. He does not invite the world into the problems of God’s people but longs for the event to fade from the public consciousness so that God might once again be worshiped in spirit and in truth. David hates the Saul’s fall from power because it leads the wicked to false conclusions about the God of the universe.  

Instead of pointing to the ineffectiveness of God, the revelation of a pastor’s sin points to the credibility of God’s promises. It serves as a foretaste of God’s coming judgement when “whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops (Lk 12:3).” In other words, the rightful removal of a pastor through church discipline pictures God’s final judgment – that moment when all men and women are judged for their actions. In short, God always gets his man irrespective of his degrees, experience, and ministry footprint. Earthly embarrassment and punishments picture heavenly justice.

But what David understands, the world misses. Thus, David longs for the public discussion around Saul’s death to come to quick and timely end and thereby silence the mockery of the gentiles.

Mourn Causes of His Sin

While David wants the world’s focus on Saul’s death to be short, he does not sweep his own sorrow and hurt under the rug. Feeling the weight of Saul’s sin, David expresses a deep hatred for the events that led to Saul’s death. David goes so far as to pronounce a curse saying, “You mountains of Gilboa, let there be no dew or rain upon you nor fields of offerings (2 Sam 1:21)!” In so doing, David does not blame the mountain for Saul’s sins. As noted in 1 Chronicles 10:12, Saul deserved death because he had “broke faith with the Lord in that he did not keep the command of the Lord, and also consulted a medium, seeking guidance.” In cursing the mountain, David desires the destruction of every action that led to Saul’s downfall. In the same way, Christians should so hate the sin that led to their pastor’s removal that they curse the innocent laughs that led to an affair, the covetous urge for better vacations that led him to steal, and the lust for power that led him to abuse his staff. They should allow their pastor’s sin to provoke within them a fresh hatred of sin and a fresh commitment to pursue righteousness. Instead of pretending that their pastor’s sin did not profoundly wound them, Christians have the freedom to mourn these scars.

Celebrate the God’s Goodness

But believers should not remain forever in grief. Rather, they should continually move from grief to thanksgiving. In 2 Samuel 1:23-26, David praises the Lord for Saul, noting that Saul fought bravely with Jonathan and brought about an economic boom for God’s people. David encourages the daughters of Israel to, “weep over Saul who clothed you luxuriously in scarlet, who put ornament of gold on your apparel.” In other words, David blesses the Lord for using an evil king to advance the kingdom of Israel.

Similarly, men and women should praise the Lord for using unfaithful men to advance the kingdom of God. Though a pastor disqualifies himself, men and women can still praise the Lord for using that man to bring to them to faith or for using that pastor to restore their marriage. The power of the gospel resides not in a man nor in a particular pastor’s office but in the Lord. And if the Lord uses a deeply fallen man to advance his kingdom and to bring you spiritual good, praise the Lord for his faithfulness. Do not meditate forever on the man’s failure. End your meditations upon the faithfulness God who uses both the wicked and the righteous to advance his kingdom.

Without question, a greater good is accomplished by those who live out the truth that they teach. David rightfully feels a much closer bond to Jonathan. He encouraged David’s faith whereas Saul defied God and attempted to kill David. Still, David ends his lament for both men on the same note.  He praises the Lord for using them to advance his kingdom: “Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely (2 Sam 1:23)!”

A Quick Warning to the Sauls

But in praising the Lord for the good that Saul accomplished, David does not provide justification for sinners and abusers. Rather he entrusts the judgment of the wicked to the Lord who declared in Deuteronomy 32:35 that, “Vengeance is mine.”  No unrepentant pastor, elder, deacon, Sunday school teacher, or a parent will be able to defend their slander, greed, or sexual abuse on judgment day with an appeal to their kids’ success, their church’s growth, or the doubling of their budget. Those outcomes will have no effect upon their eternal destiny. Those who live in their sins will die in their sins. They will know nothing of the blessings that came so near to. Take the words of Matthew 7:21-23 to heart,

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.”

Though God uses the wicked to advance his kingdom, such usage grants no one access to Jesus’s throne.  To quote the Puritan Joseph Alleine, “You must part with your sins or with your soul; spare but one sin and God will not spare you.”  Pastor do not follow Saul, spare your sins, and die under God’s righteous judgment. 

Final Thoughts

Scholars believe the ancient Israeli army used David’s lament in 2 Samuel 1:17-27 as a marching song. Imagine them chanting the refrains on their PT runs or as they rushed to the front line. The lament’s common usage as well as the New Testament’s drum beat against false teaching reveal that pastors will continue to fall until Christ return. Nothing can immunize us from the possibility of future betrayal and hurt. But even when those dark days come, God will still accomplish his holy will (Rom 8:28). We need not become preoccupied with analyzing pastoral failure. Nor should we not excuse it. Rather following David’s example, we should mourn the effects of his sin, mourn the cause of his sin, and then celebrate God’s faithfulness. In other words, may we forever and always find our hope in God who will never fail us!