Peter Witkowski Discipleship, Parenting

Why Don’t My Kids Go To Church?

KIDSWhy don’t my kids go to church? We could easily replace kids with spouse, friends, parents, neighbors, and host of other people. And then, we could ask the question again. Why do those who have been exposed to the gospel, ‘raised right,’ and know all the Sunday school answers drift away from the church?  They talk about getting back into church. But their alarms never go off, their cars never start, and their spot on the pew next to your’s remains empty. Why? Why don’t our kids and our loved ones come to church anymore?

Now before we dive into the topic, I want to acknowledge that this article has apathetic Christians in view. As the never ending news-cycle makes clear, some men and women leave their local church because their church ceased to be a biblical church. The local assembly went from sharing God’s love to spreading sin, caring little about those who were spiritually harmed and/or physically abused by its leaders. This article is not about those who have suffered under evil pastors and church leaders.  Rather, I want to prevent further abuse and will discuss that more below. Our focus is those who drift away.

God takes on the hearts of our apathetic children and loved ones in 1 Samuel 7. In the previous chapters, we read that Eli and his sons had sent the Ark of the Covenant, the judgement seat of God, into battle. The Ark was captured by the Philistines who obliterated the Israelite army. But the Philistines do not keep the Ark long. All the cities who hosted the Ark experienced plagues and death. After suffering under the hand of God for seven months, the Philistines send the Ark back to Israel. The people of Israel celebrate and then desecrate the Ark. Seventy men in Beth-Shemesh die. And the Ark is once again sent away. Little national thought is given to the worship of God for the next twenty years.

First Samuel 7:2 says, “From the day that the ark was lodged at Kiriath-jearim, a long time passed, some twenty years, and all the house of Israel lamented after the Lord.”

What does all this have to do with our kids and loved ones who don’t attend church? Everything!

The Israelites grieved for 20 years. But they never worship God; they were worshiping their idols. In verse 1 Samuel 7:4 we finally read, “So the people of Israel put away the Baals and the Ashtaroth, and they served the Lord only.” Though they had grieved much during those 20 years, they had not repented.

They same is true of our indifferent kids. They feel guilty about their lack of attendance stickers. They talk about returning to church. But they do not act on their guilt because they don’t love God. They are serving other idols, idols of the heart (Ez. 18). They live for money, houses, cars, vacations, the success of their kids, and the next thrill. They care little for God because God is not their master. Those who worship things other than God naturally have not time for worshiping God.

Those who have repentented, worship! After they Israelites repent they do church! In verse 6, we read,

So they gathered at Mizpah and drew water and poured it out before the Lord and fasted on that day and said there, “We have sinned against the Lord.” And Samuel judged the people of Israel at Mizpah.

When men and women repent of their sins. They worship God. They assemble together and pursue God with a unified zeal. Notice that the people of Israel have gone from worshiping idols to enthusiastically worshiping God. The are fasting and praying. And this is not an isolated act. Read the Gospels and the Book of Acts! Those who repent have an unending appetite for worship!

Those who love God do not come to church to get a favor from granddad, to impress a girl-friend, or to make mom stop nagging them. No, they come because they love God. They want to come. Bind believers in chains, and they will pull at them till they are once again free to worship with the people of God. Jesus affirms this passion in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”

On the flip side those who have not repented, will not love church. They will find church judgmental, irrelevant, and boring. They will mourn their feelings of guilt but will never come to worship because their hearts serve another master.

If we or our loved ones care little for church, can never find time for the people of God, and think all that religious stuff is a superfluous nicety, we and they have a faith problem. We have a repentance problem. We have loved ones who claim Christ but do not know Him. 1 John 2:19 clearly states,

They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.

Those who willfully and intentionally leave church because they are busy are not saved.

Now some of us our slow, to label our kids and loved ones as unbelievers. We saw little Johnny get baptized; we went on mission trips with Sally; and, we sang in the choir with Phil. Yes, they have absent from the church for 5, 10, 15 and even 20 years. But they lost a child, they went through a tough transition, and they are just so busy. Shouldn’t we seek to win them back into the church? Shouldn’t we try to reengage them by getting them to help with the ushers team or to serve as the Sunday school event planner?

No, friend we should not welcome those in unrepentant sin back into the church as if they never left. We should like Samuel call them to repent and then invite them to worship. Notice that the worship services resumed after the people turned from their idols and not before. If we neglect the doctrines of repentance, faith and sanctification, we will destroy the very churches we seek to save.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said,

Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession…Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

When churches embrace cheap grace, they implode. Our churches are filled with evil men and women who stir up conflicts, who silence gospel preaching, and who abuse children and teenagers because we have embraced cheap grace. We have welcomed both those who hate sin and those who love sin into the heart of the church. Instead of practicing church discipline to help lost know they are lost, to protect the glory of God, and to defend the defenseless, many church leaders let both good and evil people come into the church and stay in the church. As a result, our churches are wrecked by all types of evil. Did not Paul write in 1 Corinthians 5:6, “Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?”

The same tragedy occurred in ancient Israel. Eli refused to discipline his wicked sons. Because Eli looked the other way when sinners entered God’s house, God’s house became of place of physical abuse, sexual immorality, and drunkenness (1 Samuel 2:12-3). Eventually, Eli’s ministry and family were undone by sinners masquerading as the servants of God. Can we repeat Eli’s failures and hope to escape his judgement?

Instead of wishing for a reality that does not exist, we need to treat our children like unbelievers they profess to be by their works. We need to lovingly call them to repentance at every divinely appointed opportunity. We need to mercifully warn them that their works point to damnation and death. And if they refuse to hear us and are members of our church, we need to practice church discipline.

Our kids and loved ones don’t come to church any more because they don’t love God. Are we ready to deal with this reality? Are we ready to pray for them, to evangelize them, and to discipline them?

Peter Witkowski Book Reviews

Review: The Doctrine of Repentance

51159BRX7QL._SX326_BO1,204,203,200_The topic of Repentance demands the Christians full attention. If we hope to walk with our Lord in Savior in paradise, we must know, understand, and practice repentance. As Thomas Watson said, “Repentance is a continuous act. The issue of sorrow must not be quite stopped till death.” If we get repentance wrong, we will undoubtedly get the whole Christian faith wrong.

The Puritan pastor Thomas Watson dived into the conversation about repentance in 1628 when he published his short book, The Doctrine of Repentance. In the space of a 112 small pages, Watson thoroughly wrestles with the doctrine of repentance revealing both what it is and what it is not. After showing that repentance is the conjoined twin of faith, Watson spends the next three chapters discussing the difference between counterfeit and true repentance. He then looks at the motives and reasons for repentance, encouraging his readers to endure the difficulties that often follow true repentance and to remove all hindrances to true repentance.

Both the well-seasoned reader and the new-believer will find Watson’s book helpful. He wields the knife of scriptural interpretation with the care of a skillful pastor, quickly and succinctly applying the Scriptures to the lives of his readers. He clearly reveals what the Bible has to say about repentance. And he says it well. He paints powerful word pictures that bring the truths of Scripture to life. He writes, “Never do the flowers if grace grow more than after a shower of repentant tears.”  And then, he says, “A hard heart is the anvil on which the hammer of God’s justice will be striking to all eternity.” Most every page contains 1 to 3 insightful statements worthy of a quick tweet or of a Sunday morning mention. My own heart and preaching has benefited greatly from Watson’s convicting and loving words.

Sunday school teachers, pastors, men and women looking for devotionals, and those who love deepening their knowledge of God will find this little book immensely beneficial. I encourage you to grab a copy today!

Peter Witkowski Apologetics

A Pastor’s Response to The Politics of Infanticide

Just when you think the world cannot get any crazier it does. Yesterday (Feb 4, 2019), Senate Bill 130 which outlaws infanticide was blocked by Senator Patty Murray of Washington State. She objected to bill because she thought it was redundant. Senator Murray said,

We have laws against infanticide in this country. This is a gross misinterpretation of the actually language of the bill that is being asked to considered and therefore I object.

Indeed in 2002, the Federal government did enact the Born-Alive Infant Protection Act expanding the United States Government’s definition of human persons to include, “every infant member of the species of homo sapiens who is born alive at any stage of development.” As of 2002, all U.S. born babies have been legally entitled to the same care as adults. But the nature of that care has not been clearly defined. Last night, Ben Sasse attempted to define that care.

His legislation states:

(1) If an abortion results in the live birth of an infant, the infant is a legal person for all purposes under the laws of the United States, and entitled to all the protections of such laws.

(2) Any infant born alive after an abortion or within a hospital, clinic, or other facility has the same claim to the protection of the law that would arise for any newborn, or for any person who comes to a hospital, clinic, or other facility for screening and treatment or otherwise becomes a patient within its care.

In short, Sasse and the other 39 sponsors of the bill had simply tried to clarify that all ‘fourth term’ abortions were illegal. The Bill does not change any abortion law. It simply says all life outside the womb deserves care and protection. As the senator said,

There are only two sides of the debate on the floor tonight: You’re either for babies or your for defending infanticide.

Sadly, many U.S. Senators including Virginia’s two senators appear to be on the side of infanticide. All but one of the Democratic senators missed last night’s vote. And the one Democrat Senator who did appear, Senator Murray, appeared for the purpose of defeating the legislation.  Senator Feinstein from California who also was absent during the vote claimed the bill was an attack on women. But her comments reveal the opposite to be true. She said,

Imagine being pregnant and learning that your baby has a terminal condition…This bill would limit the mother’s decisions and require her doctor to administer unwanted care that could prolong her pain and suffering – even putting her health and safety at risk.

Notice who is sick? It is not the mother but the infant. But who is harmed by the infant’s care and life? It is the mother. The senator from California has said that a mother should be allowed to deny her child treatment to preserve her quality of life. Senator Feinstein has defended infanticide.

And she is not alone. Governor Northam of Virginia sparked this debate last week when he seemingly endorsed infanticide during a radio station interview. The defense of infanticide which seemed to be a ridiculously extreme position only days ago now appears to be a politically acceptable.

And few main stream media outlets have ignored this seismic moral and political shift.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel accurately noted that, “Frankly, it is harrowing that this legislation is necessary.” The debate over infanticide which seems better fit for Nazi Germany has now arrived in 21 century America. This is our debate.

Christians and Virginians must speak clearly against infanticide. We must use our voices and the democratic process to encourage our state and federal politicians to defend all of life. We must daily and repeatedly remind our neighbors, our communities, and our nation that every human life – the terminally ill, the sick, the young  and the old – is valuable.  I hope and pray that Sasse’s bill will be reintroduced soon and that all 100 senators will support it. But regardless of what the future hold, Christians must never tier of defending life.

We cannot be silent on this issue.

May God be merciful to us!