I have started and stopped a hundred times. The depth of emotion tied to this moment resides beyond the bounds of keystrokes, black lines, and white spaces. No good means exists to say…what must be said.

We have decided to shift April’s care from oncology to hospice.

Though her cancer has responded positively to her last three chemotherapy doses, her liver has only continued to worsen over the last month. Even this week, her bilirubin numbers have increased from 20 to 22. No cure remains. No secret path to health exists. Additional chemotherapy treatments would only inflict unneeded nausea upon an already weak stomach and further her complications from low hemoglobin and a lack of white blood cells. Death’s dark’s cloud has settled over our hearts as dense fog. Only a few more misty steps remain.

As the days progress, April will become increasingly fatigued, requiring more and more sleep. Her cognitive abilities will also become weaker as a result of her liver failure. And then sometime soon, she will go to sleep and never awake.

Though April and I intellectually grasp the bleakness of death and its cold, temporal finality, we do not fear it. For the believer redeemed by the blood of the lamb, death is but the final encounter with sin before an eternity of peace. It is the portal through which all men and women must pass and through which all who have believed will successfully pass for Christ has rolled away the stone. The apostle Paul notes in 1 Corinthians 15:42-44,

“What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor: it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body…The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus.”

Though she dies, she will live.

As our many tears and hugs evidence, Luke, Lily, Lacey and I (as do a throng of others) would happily prolong April’s life if given the option. Together, we fervently prayed for such an outcome. Still, we do not begrudge our heavenly father for this state of events. As Paul makes clear, April will soon experience a glory that defies our earthly imaginations. We should not so much want to keep her here with us as make plans to join her in paradise.

Though she must go and we must stay in this bleak world a little while longer, we are not alone. God has promised us that he will never leave us nor forsake us. The Word of the Lord will stand forever. Jesus will be with April, me, and our kids as we walk through this crucial hour. His character is defined by grace and mercy and abounds in steadfast love and faithfulness. Though the days are dark, our God is good.

As we shift from pleas of healing to pleas for eternal preparation, we ask you to join us in beseeching God for the mercies needed to steward these lasts weeks and days well. April and I long for this short season of physical sorrow to be defined by spiritual joy and hope. We hope to rejoice even now in God’s goodness and mercy. Pray also for God to draw the hearts of our children to himself and to provide them and me with comfort as we grieve the loss of April and then enter of time of unprecedented transition and change.

May God be merciful.

Contact/Support Info

Please note, we long to responded to all texts and messages. But with the many challenges facing us, our responses will probably be increasingly slow.



CALL US AT: 540-937-6159.


15 thoughts on “Memo: At the Journey’s End: April Update 6.10.22

  1. My prayers continue to go up for your family. The week before my dad went into the hospital (which was a month before he passed away from cancer), he told us, “Don’t be sad…I get to meet Jesus face to face! Who could be sad about that?” He was right, but it still stings and weighs heavy on our hearts. Cherish these moments you have while we pray for your peace and comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. May our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. May He give you the peace, comfort, and joy you seek during this precious time together. May your children seek and find Him so they may know His salvation, mercy and grace.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Our prayers are with all of the family as they face this difficult challenge. She is in God’s hands. Love, Sharon and Sheila. Your sisters in Christ from Amissville United Methodist.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. God’s words and wisdom shine through your story. It doesn’t take away your grief and sorrow as you walk this path. Just know you don’t walk it alone. As we know He is with you but many friends and family are with you as well. We all feel your pain at some level and care deeply for all of your well being.
    With love and respect
    Tom Shultz

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This post is the most amazingly beautiful testimony of your family’s faith!!! I shed tears of heartbreak for family that will be left behind on this earth and shed tears of joy thinking of April’ getting to meet and be with our Savior!!! Your family’s very apparent love for Jesus is shining SO bright during one of this earth’s deepest, darkest valleys that I know many people reading this that don’t know Jesus will want to know more about Him because of this! The first thing that came to mind when I was reading this that I know April will surely hear is, “well done thy good and faithful servant “!!! I pray that God will give each one of you His strength and His peace!!! Sending all you brothers and sisters in Christ a lot of love, prayers, and hugs!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am thinking the same thoughts as Shelly Smith posted. April will surely be hearing “well done, thy good and faithful servant”. Though, the upcoming days will be difficult, I pray that your and April’s thoughts will be on the blessings of past times, God’s promised future blessings, and that He will replace all fearful and negative thoughts with His peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You all are in our prayers. We’re praying your kids can lean into God as both you and April have clearly taught and showed them. So many hugs to you all.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am so sorry to hear this sad news about the nearness of April’s departure. But praise God for His great promises for His children when they leave to be with Jesus. I am reminded of the promising words of an uplifting song: “What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see, I shall look upon His face , the One who who saved me by His Grace, what a day, wonderful day, that will be.” I continue to pray for all your precious family as you experience the most difficult times in your lives. May God give each of you His strength and His peace each day.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Please know that you are in our prayers. Your blog is an encouragement to all who read it. May God bring you the peace and comfort that only He can bring. Your friends at The Church at Jodeco, Stockbridge, GA

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I met April and the church family few short months ago at the church revival, everyone was so welcoming and kind.
    April came over to where we were sitting and introduced herself, She was so kind and she had such a beautiful smile.
    May Our Lord and Savior give you peace and comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Ian, may the God of all peace and love, shower you and your children today and in the days and years ahead. Some things we just don’t have answers for, and those things will remain a part of the mysteries of God. But, He will never forsake you, especially now.

    Liked by 1 person

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