August 16, 2016August 16, 2016 Peter Witkowski Discipleship, Parenting

What Can The Alcohol Debate Teach Us About Parenting?

alchohol-blog The Alcohol debate has once again been stirred about by the news of Pastor Perry Noble’s firing. The arguments of many modern day teetotaler are once again floating to the top of our newsfeeds. The alcohol antagonists have always feared that their Christian drinking friends lacked the wisdom to properly exercise their liberty. These traditional Southern Baptists types knew that playing with fire would end badly. And now in Pastor Noble’s case, it has.

Today, I do not want to add another page to the alcohol discussion. Rather, I want to pivot and look at some of the parenting implications that spill over from of the latest discussions on drinking.

More Than Walls

Many in the Bible believing world think that Pastor Noble’s main problem was with alcohol. If he had just emptied his cabinets, he would still be employed. Those who disapprove of alcohol are boldly advocating that all wine, beer, and hard liquor should be avoided. If we would simply create enough walls, then we will be protected from sin and disaster.

And while I agree that we should encourage men and women who struggle to flee temptation, we must recognize that a drunkard’s problem is ultimately not Jim Bean or Budweiser. Jesus said,

It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person” (Matt. 15:11).

Nothing we eat or drink makes us a sinner. Nothing we eat or drink causes us to lose our job. Pastor Noble sinned, and we sin because we have a worship problem. We desire something more than God and that desire leads us to sin and destruction (James 1:14-15). In Pastor Noble’s case, he used alcohol to find satisfaction outside of Jesus. And sadly he found out like many before him, that sin only leads to “death.”

The antidote for drunkenness is not a house filled with Sprite. The antidote is satisfaction in Christ. Remember what Paul says in Ephesians 4:18, “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,” If we want to stop being an alcoholic, we must replace our drunkenness with the Holy Spirit. We must find relief and happiness in God instead of a bottle of scotch.

The Heart of the Matter

So what do this mean for us as parents? We must realize that our kids greatest struggle is not outside of them but inside of them. Our kids sin because they desire things more than God. We can and should protect them from drunkenness, pornography, and a whole host of other sins. We should put up walls to keep our children away from temptation. But, we must not boast in our walls. Our moral, sexually pure daughter can still be controlled by a love of softball. Our nicely behaved son can still love his video games more than Jesus. Our nice kids can still easily worship things other than God. They can still be on the road to destruction. Denying our kids access to certain things does not prevent sin. We simply force our kids’ hearts to rumble along to the next device, person, or thing it can access for worship. Our job goes beyond creating behavioral standards.

Instead of boasting in walls and legalistically calling all parents to follow our standards, we must strive to reach our children’s hearts. We must recognize that our job does not come to an end when we can trot out pleasant children that society happily accepts. Our job does not end until our children are perfected in Christ (I.e. it doesn’t ever end). As parents, we are called to tackle our children’s hearts. We are called to tackle our daughter’s love for candy with the same concern that we address our son’s sexual sin. We must daily tell our kids that Christ satisfies. We must call our unrepentant children to place their hope in Christ and remind our believing children that God is good. We must not boast in our walls because standards and limitations on Christian liberty do not save. Christ does. Are we ready to proclaim him?

January 26, 2016January 26, 2016 Peter Witkowski Discipleship, Parenting

The #1 Kids’ Excuse of All Time and How to Beat it!

Blog He Made Me Do It “He made me do it!” Is perhaps the number one kid excuse of all time! I mean is there a better excuse? Is there a better way to deflect responsibility for our sin than blaming our actions on someone else? “I got mad because my teacher didn’t recognize me.” I snatched a cookie because you wouldn’t let me have a snack.” I.e. I sinned because of you!

Why It Doesn’t Work

The only problem with this thinking is that it is not biblical. God never holds other people responsible for our sin. Not even parents are judged for the sins of their kids (Ezk. 18:20). God holds us responsible for our actions. Regardless of the circumstances, our actions are always just that, our actions. We don’t sin because of someone else. We don’t sin because someone triggered all our defense mechanisms with one rude comment. As Pastor Brad Bigney said, “That button was already there – the pressure only revealed it.” (p.151). We sin because we want to, because we love something more than God! Notice what James 1:14 says, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.”

Understanding The Real Problem

The very first of God’s ten commandments says, “You shall have no other God’s before me (Ex. 20:3). To really understand how to only worship one God, we need to take a look at the very last commandment: “You shall not covet.” These two commandments bookend the other 8 because the first one shows us what God requires of us and the last shows us how to achieve it. To worship God and God alone, we have to treasure him above all else. We can’t have idols in our heart. We can’t covet.

fall-651020_1920 The reason we sin, the reason we snap when we don’t get our way is that we are coveting. We are worshiping something more than God. According to Colossians 3:5, covetousness is idolatry. Covetousness creates idols in our heart that replace God. We look at the nude girl on the screen, we scream at our kids when they get too loud, and we rant on Facebook about our job because we are worshiping something other than God. We lust because we covet human companionship more than God. We scream because we covet a quiet house more than God. And, we rant because we love our success more than God. Spiritual idols are not just limited to the generic category of sports, money, and fame. They are the daily things we want more than God. They are the things we sin to get or sin when we don’t get them. As Bigney says, “An idol is anything or anyone that captures our hearts, minds, and affections more than God.”(p.41).

The Covetousness Cure

To not covet, we have to love God. And to love God, we have to avoid coveting. This is how we overcome sin. We daily focus upon worshiping God. And, we daily do battle in our hearts. We daily worship God and we daily abandon our idols. This is how we find the strength through the power of the Holy Spirit to obey God and our parents. This is how we avoid lying, stealing, and murder. To grow in Christ, we must actively pursue the things of God. We must actively uproot out our idols

The next time your child tells you that they sinned because of what some teacher, some (crazy) children’s pastor, or some little kid did, challenge them on it. Remind them that they are in trouble not because of what the other person did but because of what they thought, said, and did. They are in trouble because their actions revealed that they loved something more than God. Help your kids to start asking themselves why they sin. For example, show them that cheating to get a good grade means they love the approval of men more than God. Expose their hearts to the reality of sin, Then, point them towards the God of the universe!

February 13, 2014July 8, 2014 Peter Witkowski Discipleship, Parenting

From Sochi to Salvation: A Brief Theology For The Parents of Sport’s Nation

The screaming, jumping, whooshing, waving, and excitement of the Olympics is here. And as we click on T.V. screens to see which flips, spins and twists were medal worthy, we also are treated to fascinating personal interest stories. Whether they are covering a petite figure skater or a rough snowboarder, all of the interviews reveal that a spot on the medal podium requires a lifetime of personal and familial sacrifice. As Christians, we are often awed by these athletes’ devotion and wowed by their success. Naturally wanting our children to succeed, we start to wonder if we should send our five-year-old girl off to Michigan to practice figure skating or sign up our ten-year-old son for college football camps in Alabama. What should Christian parents do?

Go Sports Go

Before we zing off to the slopes, the beach, or the practice field, we first need to ask, “Do Christians belong in sports?” I believe the answer is a resounding yes! God has made us physical creatures. He has given us the ability to run, jump, and create fun competitions. As Exodus 28:3, Exodus 35:35, and I Kings 7:14 make clear, all human skills are gifts from God. Even the ability to ski down a mountain or to dribble a soccer ball is a present from our creator. Moreover, sports provide us with the opportunity to relax, fellowship, and responsibly care for our bodies. Employing several sporting analogies, the apostle Paul confirmed that “bodily training is of some value (I Timothy 4:8).” We can and should encourage our children to participate in sports. We and our children belong in sports’ nation.

The True Value of Sports

Yet as C.J. Mahaneny noted, “as soon as you introduce the human heart, things get complicated” (Mahaney 2010, 9). We can’t blindly encourage our kids to just “do it” every time the practice field opens. We need to realize that sports are only valuable when done to the glory of God. When we and our children use sports as an opportunity to encourage others, to accept correction, to serve our friends, to praise God, and to share the story of salvation, sports’ nation is a good thing (I Cor. 10:13).

But, we cannot value sports’ nation simply for the sake of sports. If we do, sports’ nation become more dangerous than facing Barry Bonds in the bottom of the ninth inning with the base loaded and no outs. Nothing created, not even the cute, little guy wearing a T-ball jersey two sizes too big, should take the place of Christ. If we covet success and fame for our children, we transform sports into an Idol. And, covetousness is idolatry (Col. 3:5). If we inflate the value of sports, “Worship is happening – on ESPN and in our hearts” (Mahaney 2010, 40).

Admittedly, we cannot keep little, prideful hearts from boasting in thirty mile-per hour fastballs and three inch verticals. We cannot redeem our miniature superstars (Ez. 18:20). But we can point our children to Christ through our actions! Sports played for the glory of god are immensely valuable.

Breaking God’s Rules

Now, it’s time for the practical side of things. If we fail to follow God’s rules and place our children’s sports’ career above the things of God, our lives will show it. As Paul David Tripp notes, “You are always attaching your inner hope and contentment to something, and when you do, those things take on life-shaping value” (Tripp 2012, 103). Family devotions will be replaced with never ending practices. Church attendance will be regularly bumped off the calendar by weekend tournaments. And, our bank accounts will see giving withdraws redirected to season tickets, uniforms, and that all important swag. Words of gracious love spoken to our children will be replaced with criticism, rants against officials, and complaints about coaches. By virtue of our actions, we will teach our children that the gods of sports’ nation will give them, “what the God the Bible cannot give – success by worldly standards” (Baucham 2007, 38). We will prepare our children to gain their lives only to lose them. And at the end of the day, we cannot be surprised to see our children mature into adults who place the world before Christ. As Voddie Baucham warns, “We cannot expect our children to rise above our example” (Baucham 2007, 40).

Playing God’s Way

For our children’s sports’ activities to glorify God, we must place them comfortably behind Christ, our marriage, and our family. We are children of the king, designed to worship Christ. The prize we should most value and most want for our children is the one consisting of eternal glory (I Tim. 4:8). It is the prize that requires one to lose his life to gain it (John 12:25). It’s the prize that our children can get only through hearing the word of God preached and the seeing the word of God lived out faithfully by their parents and other believers (Deut. 6). Such instruction is far better than any scholarship, trophy, or medal.

Below, I’ve list a few practically ways we can use sports to point are children to Christ. The following is taken mostly from C.J. Mahaney’s book Don’t Waste Your Sports:

Celebrate godliness. We should praise our children for making it to the podium and for hitting a homerun, but we should praise their humility, diligence, and self-control even more.
Prize your family. If your children’s gymnastics event or if watching the Olympic snowboard competitions dominate your family life, cut back on your sports. Skip a practice, turn off the T.V. and spend time studying the word and/or praying together as a family or take your wife on a date.
Guide Your Speech. Speak truth in love. Strive to only say things that support, encourage, and build up your children, the coaches, and the officials. God is sovereign even over peewee football. Are words should reflect our faith in his control.
Love your local church. Missing a Sunday morning or two “doesn’t make you guilty of idolatry” as C.J. points out (Mahaney 2010, 41). But, we can still help our children understand that God comes first. When events fall on Sunday, we can miss practice, arrive late, or visit other Bible believing churches.
Train for life. Use your children’s sporting failures and successes as opportunities to teach them about their hearts and about the character of the one true God.

Game On

Sports are a blessing. For the sake of for disclosure, I must confess that I am sports’ enthusiast. I played baseball until my sophomore year of college. My office is decorated with mini football helmets. I celebrated the coming of my first son by purchasing Chicago Cubs onesie. I even find aspects of Olympic curling to be interesting. As my wife can attest, I am a sports’ junky.

But for all of its benefits and life lessons, sports’ nation will never save. Red Sox Nation, Wrigley Field, and Sochi will all burn. If you start place sports’ nation behind your marriage, family, and church, your child may slide from starter to sub. But isn’t eternal life worth the earthly cost? Is there anything that we or our children sacrifice on earth that will not be returned a thousand times over in heaven? Let’s encourage our children to use their athletic ability to glorify their creator. Let’s point them to salvation!