Weddings – Witkowski Blog

When the darkness of April’s death swept across my soul, all but the tiniest pinpoint of hope disappeared. Everything hurt. Everything from the writing of my dissertation to the microwaving of chicken nuggets for the millionth time was marred with bitterness. Though I knew God to be all wise, all good, and all powerful, my circumstances much like Job’s seemed to tell a different story. The pain stung so deeply, I longed for the escape granted to many a faithful martyr. But I knew that was not to be my path for God had called me to care for my children and my church family. Many a late afternoon, I would walk between the deserted pews of my church audibly questioning the Lord. I could not see how anything good or profitable could come from such pain, such sorrow, or such brokenness.

During that season, a kind, old professor after discerning my intent to remarry remarked with subtle confidence, “God will do something really good for you Peter.” I too had read Ephesians 3:20, and intellectually assented to his sentiment. But I could not imagine how that could be…how darkness could ever give way to light.

In time, I once again began charting a course through that strange and rocky land known as “Christian dating.” Though I encountered many a godly woman worthy of respect and admiration, none of their hearts contained the providential contours needed to transform two into a unified whole. Discouraged, I defaulted to that thing which I should have done more of all along. I prayed.

And as I sought divine wisdom about how to proceed, I sat down to a farewell luncheon with a faithful colleague and friend. Somehow or other (and to be fully transparent – much to my liking), the conversation turned into a review of my dating life. The friend then encouraged me to consider one more name, Jenny Apple. As we reviewed her LinkedIn profile and my friend described how Jenny’s range of character enabled her to do everything from serve on executive boards to bounce babies on her knee, a wave of pure joy swept through my soul. More than ever before, I knew I needed to ask that beautiful woman out.

And so, off went my first message to Ms. Apple…albeit somewhat apprehensively. I had learned long ago not to trust my emotions, even when they were informed by prayer. But when I met Jenny that first Saturday in March for a casual conversation over coffee and discovered that she had read Grudem’s Systematic Theology in its entirety, possessed a heart for people, and was attempting to visit all 32 major league baseball stadiums, I knew my emotions were properly ordered. By the end of our second date during which we covered our philosophy of family and her love for the Ravens, and host of other things, I came to believe that Ms. Jenny Apple was something special…something uniquely and gloriously good!

Over the next several months as we climbed mountains, met family, and went to church together, my impression gave way to a settled determination to marry her…a determination also shared by my dear children. The night they first met Ms. Jenny, one of my kiddos lacking the word for ‘proposal’ dropped down on one knee (thankfully out of Jenny’s view) and said, “Dad, you know… you should do this tonight.” Though I did not propose that night and have had to warn my kiddos against proposing on my behalf on multiple occasions, I too share their admiration for the amazing Ms. Jenny!

Jenny possesses a generosity of spirit, a humbleness of character, and a sharpness of mind that makes her a jewel beyond value. To converse with her is to converse with that joyful wisdom that can only be found in the deep well of biblical knowledge and faithfulness. She also possesses a seriousness that can engage the most complex of interpersonal issues and a playfulness that enables her to connect with kids as jump waves and build sandcastles at beach.

Perhaps most marvelous of all, divine providence has shaped the contours of her heart in such a way that they fit perfectly into the boundaries of my soul. As I have stepped into Jenny’s world and she into mine, we have both at felt home. Indeed, few things feel as gloriously right as spending a day with her walking about Capitol Hill or having her curl up with the kiddos for family movie night. The kind, old professor was right, God is do something really good for me. He is cementing my heart to Jenny’s!

Wise king Solomon once said that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Prov. 18:22).” I can joyfully say I have found such goodness and favor in the glorious Jenny Apple. I love this beautiful woman without qualification or nuance!

Operating on this knowledge, I did what biblical reason, wisdom, and love demanded: I asked the amazing Ms. Jenny to marry me while kayaking the Shenandoah River on Sunday, August 25, 2024.

I am happy to report that she said, “Yes!”

We are engaged to be married!

For more information on the Apple Witkowski wedding visit our Knot page.

Among pastors a well-known maxim exists that funerals are better than weddings. While weddings can be destroyed by bridezillas and can be dissolved quicker than they can be planned, funerals universally succeed in their mission. No one pops out of the ground two years later, declaring that they never truly were in love with that piece of ground or that they found death to be a rather antiquated idea derived from one’s patriarchal forefathers. The above maxim transcends denominations for it rest upon the certitude and the inescapable finality of death. But for all its common sense, the maxim fundamentally fails to account for one basic reality of death: those saints left behind have every reason to envy those who have gone before.

Marriage, Singleness, and All That

I have never stood up for the bridal march and thought, “I wish I were the groom.” Sure, I rummage through the rhetorical questions that everyone asks such as, “Him and her…how; she’s seen his dumbo ears, right; and surely, he knows about the doll collection?” But, I never once wanted their relationship or their wedding.

Once while at a ‘seminary’ wedding, I had the good fortune of being seated next to two other former boyfriends of the bride. Seemingly, we all earned our invitation through having sacrificially feed and entertained the bride-to-be in the months leading up to her relationship with her soon-to-be husband. Though we collectively spent that wonderfully awkward afternoon mulling about as the seminary version of the lost boys, none of us objected to the marriage. None of us shared her desire to ‘redeem’ October 31 through a Christian marriage service. (Again, score one for the seminary bubble). But thankfully, the bride had found a man who did and rightfully became one with him.

And the three of us? We were all the better for their decision. You see, the glories of marriage depend upon the object of that marriage just as much as they do upon the institution itself.

Over the next few years, that conclusion became solidified in my mind as I watched poor marriages sideline men from ministry and women from the mission field. Few things prove more damming and destructive to one’s life than marrying poorly. In other words, what do those who trade their whole life for honeymoon sex or a ticket out of mom and dad’s house get in return for their sacrifice? Not much. As wise king Solomon noted a few thousand years ago, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house share with a quarrelsome wife (Pr. 21:9).”

Still the thought of being single and thirty seemed rather depressing to my very, single and aging twenty-something self at that time. In addition to adopting some very sad dating strategies, I also decided I would head off to the jungles of the pacific if I reached thirty with no wedding ring. In my mind, the solution to the loneliness of singleness was to maximize the usefulness of that singleness. As the missionary and martyr, Jim Elliot, famously said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Why not hold my single life loosely and give all for Christ or die trying? In one sense, that sentiment was a jest. But in another sense perhaps, it was more real than most realized.

Thankfully, I never reached that moment of decision as I encountered the glorious and very purplely April Gentry at the seasoned age of 27. I got that ring and a marriage far more wonderful than I could have ever imagined with more than 22 months to spare. God was kind.

But with the passing of my dearest love, the thought of seeking an opportunity where I might once again give all for Christ has become more appealing. My soul resonates with the idea of being a chaplain in the killing fields of Ukraine or of working discreetly in Afghanistan to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. Why not risk it all for God?

Of Puritans and Dying

The Puritan writers of old spoke of death as being a harbor from the of storms life…a kind of Ellis Island like portal to heaven. Indeed, those who have trusted in Christ at death get to leave their ships riddled with temptations and infected with the lust of the flesh. At death, the Christian exchanges all that misery to gain residence next to Jesus for eternity. As Thomas Watson noted, “Death…takes away a flower and gives a jewel.”

And what of you and me? We remain in the storm, bracing for the next wave of trials and temptations that is sure to come crashing over us. The choppy seas of sorrow churn without end.

While I would never swap places with any other soon-to-be husband no matter the bride’s looks, bank account, or character, I would eagerly trade places with any saint now at my Lord’s side no matter how impoverished their faith was in this life. The glory of heaven has one object, Jesus Christ. In other words, death contains a universal object while marriage has many ends. Thus, we have every reason to be envious of the dead for our path to heaven proves to be the same as there’s. To quote John Flavel, “[We] are yet rolling and tossing upon the tempestuous sea, but your friend is gone into the quiet of the harbor; desire rather to be there than that [she] were at sea with you again (71).” Oh, to be in the harbor with my late wife.

What Now?

Though I long for heaven, I suspect I still have a good many days left. I won’t be running off to the wilds anytime soon. The Father has lovingly anchored my life in the sholes of normalcy next to my three precious children and my loving church family. Said another way, my life will not be shaped through the extraordinary storms of bullets and bombs but through the ordinary storms of less-than-stellar family meals and full laundry hampers. I also suspect this route to be the harder of the two since my imagination projects the battlefield as being the path of least resistance. But alas, here I am.

Still, I concur with Thomas Brooks who said, “all the strange, dark, deep, and changeable providences that believers meet with shall further them in their way to heaven, in their journey to happiness.” While to die is gain, to live is Christ. I very much believe that new joys will continue to accumulate. New loves will come. To quote King Solomon again, “There is a time to mourn and a time to dance (Ecc 3:4).” And just as God guided David when he fought Goliath, I know he will walk with me as I make a mess of my girls’ hair for umptieth time in our quest for a new normal. My battle is the Lord’s just as much as was David’s. His steadfast love will guide me. Hope remains.

But the realities of the storm will also continue. New waves of grief, temptation, and sorrow will come. Funerals will still find me out. And when they do, I suspect I will once again leave envious of the saint in the coffin before me. Indeed, the end of the thing is better than the beginning (Ecc. 7:2; 8).