Peter Witkowski Memos

Jesus Wept and We Should Too: The Resurrection, Sovereignty and Grief

Jesus wept. This short verse mercifully demonstrates that Jesus can and does as the Bible says elsewhere, “sympathize with our weakness (Heb 4:15).” In that weeping over the death of his friend Lazarus, Jesus legitimized the tears of every grieving husband, wife, child, mother, father, and friend. Jesus knew the soul penetrating pain of our grief.

Should We Grieve?

Though this moment in the biblical timeline grants us the permission to grieve and to grieve deeply, some within the church still find the topic of grief distasteful if not at points unspiritual. They fear that grief could be a denial of the resurrection or of God’s sovereign goodness. Since they know that their loved one is alive with Jesus and that no death is an accident, they view death to be little more than a brief interruption in their daily rhythm. They do not mourn when their husband takes his Sunday nap, why should they now mourn his death?

Such a perspective can be a good and helpful remedy against “excessive grief” or depression. But it cannot banish grief all together, for it was never meant to do so.

Does the Resurrection Banish Grief?

As Martha mourned the death of her brother Lazarus, she tells Jesus, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day (Jn 11:24).” And not only did she have faith in the resurrection, but she also knew the resurrection. Jesus told Martha, “I am the resurrection and the life.” Because Jesus was Immanuel, God with us – the sacrificial lamb who saves us from our sins through his death and resurrection, he can in good faith command: “Lazarus, come out.” John concludes the story with these words: “The man who had died came out, his hands and feed bound with the linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go (11:44).” Jesus did not simply believe in the resurrection. He was the resurrection, the very guarantee and cause of eternal life. In other words, he was the the solution to or the very antidote for death. And still, he wept.

Does Sovereignty Banish Grief?

Moreover, Jesus knew that Lazarus’s death was not an accident brought about by the winds of chance while the heavenly Father was preoccupied with some disaster. The Son in accordance with the Father had ordained the death of Lazarus. Describing the Son’s relationship to the Father, the British pastor Charles Spurgeon noted, “Jesus is to the Father what speech is to us; he is the unfolding of the Father’s thoughts, the revelation of the Father’s heart.” When messengers came from Mary and Martha seeking Jesus’s help – a help that could have resulted in Lazarus’ full recovery, Jesus acting with the Father by the Holy Spirit chose not to come. John’s gospel reports, “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was (Jn 11:5).” Jesus understood the thoughts of the Father and knew that his friend would die so that others might believe. He knew that even death glorified God. And still, he wept.

Why Does Jesus Weep?

Why does the resurrection and the Word become flesh, grieve? Why as John reports was Jesus, “deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled (11:38).”  He was moved by love. Allowing the crowd to interpret Jesus’s action for us, John offers the following commentary on Jesus’s tears: “So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” Deep soul wrenching tears do not convey unbelief but love. To grieve is to express that goodness and sweetness has been lost. It does not deny the goodness that is to come nor the wisdom that has brought us to the point of tears and aching, but rather affirms the unsatisfactory nature of this broken world and our longing for Christ to come again (and to borrow another’s phrase) and “make everything sad untrue.” As the puritan John Flavel noted, “There is no sin in complaining to God…Griefs are eased by groans and heart-pressures relieved by utterances.”

In other words, faith does not call the believer to vanquish grief from his psyche but rather grants him the assurances needed to safely express his anguish. He does not have to fear that his soul altering loss will forever trap him in that dark and swirling vortex of depression. Jesus conquered the tomb and has prepared a mansion for us. As Jesus told Martha, “Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet he shall live,  and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die (Jn 11:25-26).” With heaven secured, the believer can confidently lay claim to the promise of Psalm 23:4 which states, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” We do not grieve apart from Jesus but with Jesus, knowing that grief finds its end, its telos, in the steadfast love of our Lord (1 Thess 4:13). He will guide us home. In other words, the resurrection and God’s sovereignty are not antithetical to grief but the very bumpers that keep us from rolling into the gutters of hopelessness as we traverse the lanes of grief. If ever there should be a people that was comfortable with the uncomfortable nature of tears, it should be the people of Jesus.

Jesus wept. May we go and do likewise.

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

How To Get Ahold Of Your Emotions

emottionsIf the NCAA Tournament has taught us anything, its  that emotions are everywhere. Seemingly after every game, the world of social media was flooded with pictures of depressed girls with tear stained faces. And it is not just basketball or sports. Emotions seep in and out of every area of our lives. Believe it or not, even guys have emotions. Sorry Brohemes; its true.

So  how do we  biblical think through our emotions? Well, we inform them:

The Bible And Emotions

According to the scriptures, emotions flow from the heart. The things we think and meditate on determine what we do and how we feel about our actions and the actions of others. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, /for from it flow the springs of life.” People’s emotions are driven by the things their heart treasures.

Sadly, we cannot trust our hearts. They are desperately wicked and unstable (Jer. 17:9). As Christ says in Mathew 15:19 “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.”  And if we do let our heart be our guide,  we the only path we will find is the one that ends in death and destruction.

 Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, /but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered (Proverbs 28:26). 

Rather than listen or being controlled by emotions, Christians all called to think biblically (Col 3:1-2). They are to let the gospel inform their emotions (Ps 51:1-2). As Proverbs 23:19 says, “Hear, my son, and be wise, /and direct your heart in the way.”

Responding To Sinful Emotions

When we encounter someone overcome with emotion, we should be cautiously thankful. While the emotion is not the ultimate problem, it does reveal what’s is in a person’s heart. Instead of focusing on the emotion, the we should focus on why the emotion is being displayed. If a friend is angry about his wife cooking, we should ask him, “when you sin and shout at your wife what do you want? What would make you stop getting angry?” We should try to get at the thoughts and ideas that are driven the man to snap at his wife instead of lecturing him solely on the evils of anger.

Fixing Our Emotions

To tell the difference between sinful emotions and righteous emotions, we must examine our actions. Righteous emotions lead to godliness, peace and  repentance. Unrighteous emotions lead to worldliness and sin. For example, two men can both feel guilt when they look at pornography. The first responds by asking he wife for forgiveness, places filters on his pc and phone, and  submits himself to accountability and is satisfied with God. The second confesses his sin, but refuses to put filters. He regularly looks at pornography, and lives for pleasure. Emotions are always tied to actions. Good emotions result in godly actions. Bad emotions lead us to sin.  As 2 Corinthians 7:10 makes clear,

For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

To change improper emotions, a we must change the way they think. Instead of focusing upon our problems, our struggles, and our enemies, we need to meditate on God’s character and person.

As Psalm 34:8 says, “Oh, taste and see that the is good! /Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!.

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Should Kids Go To Funeral Homes?

Never had I cried so much. I felt a tinge of embarrassment, a touch of confusion, a Funeral Home Blogsmall amount of fear. As a eight-year-old boy, I hated being noticed by adults. A few years earlier, I had welcomed the arrival of my little sister. Thankfully, I was no longer be the “cute one” getting his cheeks pinched. Praise the Lord! And yet, I kept sobbing quietly at the of front of the church for all the world to see. I couldn’t help it. All I could see was my grandmother’s coffin. And so I cried.

Over the last few years, many parents have questioned the wisdom of exposing kids to funerals. Death is hard. Many adults struggle to grapple with it in a helpful, biblical manner. Can we expect kids to do any better? Consequently, some parents will not let their kids attend their own father’s funeral.

However, parents on the other side of the fence view death to be a normal part of nature. They want their kids to know all about it. Some even go so far as to have little junior slap some painted hand prints on his grandpa’s coffin.

As parents and as those who work with kids at church we need to develop a biblical position on death and funerals.  Should we hide death from our kids or should we encourage our kids to interact with death?  The Bible says: we should talk about death.  Let’s take a look.

The Bible On Death

Almost from the get go, the Bible discusses death (Gen. 2). It is everywhere in the scriptures. In the Old Testament, kids could be put to death for cursing their parents (Lev. 20:9). In the New Testament, Christ talks about fearing the one who can destroy both body and soul in hell (Matt. 10:28). 

The Bible talks discuss death not because it is a morbid book. It talks about death because this is our number one problem.  As Ecclesiastes 9:5 says, “For the living know that they will die.” Everyone including our kids know that death exists. And most everyone is scared of dying. All around us, people are seeking out vitamins, surgery, and even cryonics in an attempt to escape death. Thankfully though, the Bible has a real solution and much less complicated solution. Romans 6:23 says, “The wages of sin are death but the gift of God is eternal life for everyone who believes.”

Kids At Funerals

The Bible exposes kids to death. And, we should not be afraid to introduce our kids to death. It is a part of our DNA.  But more importantly, it is part of our spiritual DNA. We are by nature children of wrath, children of death. And so are our kids. “For as in Adam all die” (I Cor. 15:22).  We shouldn’t pretend otherwise. Rather, we should encourage our kids to mourn the death of loved ones and their own spiritual state.  

Funeral kids 2By letting me attend my grandmother’s funeral, my parents helped to process death from a biblical perspective. I learned that trials of life could not be solved through pretending, new toys, or junk food. And as I mourned the death of my grandmother, I started to get why the world needed a savior. I started to get that we all need someone to save us from our tears. Revelation 21:4 was starting to become real.  “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

By bringing our kids to funerals, we expose them the worst and the scariest aspects of being human. But, that isn’t all. Our story doesn’t end with grief, loss, and hopelessness. It goes on to tell of the savior who died and rose again, the savior who conquered death. By helping our kids wrestle with death, we get to expose them to the beauty of Christ. “In Christ all shall be made alive” (I Cor. 15:22).  Later on Paul sums up things nicely writing: “The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (I Cor. 15:56). By walking our kids through death, we get to show them the beauty of the gospel. As pastor and author Marty Machowski said, 

Knowing one day they would die would remind them to trust God for each and every day. 

 

A Quick Caution 

Before I end, I want to address those of you who passionately disagree with me, those who are determined to shield their kids from death for as long as possible. Let me encourage you to be careful. I can’t see into your heart, so this may not be you at all. Feel free to ignore what follows. But in my limited experience, parents who keep their kids from death often do so out of fear. The parents don’t know how to handle death. They think God unjust for taking a loved.  They aren’t sure of their salvation and tremble at the thought of being laid to rest one day. They avoid the subject of death with their kids because they don’t know handle it.  If this is you, I encourage you to sit down and talk through the scriptures with a trusted friend or pastor. The Bible offers you a lot of hope.

Though we all are prone to fearing death, no Christian needs to fear the coffin. God is the God of the living!  

He will swallow up death for all time, And the Lord GOD will wipe tears away from all faces, And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth; For the LORD has spoken – Isaiah 25:8.