Peter Witkowski Discipleship

How Serious Are Our Sin Problems?

doctorI once heard of a man who went to his doctor  because his side was hurting. After a brief examination, his doctor informed the man that he needed to have an appendectomy right then. The patient was not convinced. And politely told his doctor, “I think I’ll get a second opinion and let you know what I decide.”

To this, his doctor replied, “No you won’t. If you leave here today, you will die. You will be dead within 24 hrs. if you don’t have the surgery.”

Often when it comes to our sin, we take the same exact view as patient. When we are confronted about our gossip, or about your infidelity, or my greed, we tend to minimize the other person’s concerns. We blow off our spouse; we ignore the pleas from our kids; and, we discount the concerns of our small group leader. Our sin is not that big of a deal. Christ died for it. We are done here. Move on, please. I’m do not need surgery. I am fine.

Although this is often the approach we take when coming face to face with sin, this is not Jesus’ approach to sin. In Mark 9:43-50 Jesus says these shocking words,

And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell,[a] to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell, ‘where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.’ For everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.

Sin is not small matter to Jesus. He tells us to flee it at all cost. Even if we have to cut off a hand or a foot or pluck out an eye to be free from sin, the cost is worth it. Sin is death and all who love, minimize, and ignore their sin are on the path to death both physically and spiritually. Those who love Jesus will not coddle or ignore their anger, their porn addiction, or their frequently lies. They will confess them. They will seek out help from their pastor or from another mature man or women in the faith. They will do everything and anything they can to be free from sin.

Now a quick aside, I do not think Jesus is telling us to physically mane ourselves to achieve victory over our sins. Think about it for a minute. Jesus did not tell Peter to cut out his tongue because he denied Christ three times during the crucifixion narrative. And Jesus does not want us to cut off our hands because we steal, to cut off our feet because we speed through stop signs, or to pluck out our eyes because we look at porn. We do not sin because of our body. We sin because of our hearts. Our hearts and our thinking direct the actions of the body. Jesus clearly states this truth back in Mark 8:21-23,

For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride,

We sin because our souls are corrupted and not because our bodies are fallen. Rather than encouraging us to hack apart our bodies, Jesus is calling us to sacrifice all for righteousness. He is calling the angry man to work fewer hours so that he can sleep more and spend more time with his family, creating a home of peace. He is calling the porn addict to give up his smart phone and to burn his computer. He is calling the drug addict to surrender his stash and to turn himself into the police. He is calling the liar to confess his sins to his wife, pastor, and friends. Jesus is saying we must being willing to lose all, including our good reputation, our friends, our family, our wealth, and every worldly thing to enter the kingdom of heaven. If we do not, we cannot reach heaven.

At some point, all of us will be tested. Everyone will face the pressure of divine inspection. The lies that masked our want of faith will be ripped away, revealing all the deeds that we have done in secret (both good and bad). The reality of whether or not we trust in ourselves or in the great physicians for salvation will be made known.

Those who refuse to flee from their sin will die. They will be cast into the fires of hell. Don’t mistake this. We may not take our sin seriously. We may not think, we have an illness leading to death. But God does. He is not fooled. He will judge us for our sins. All who love sin will die. And all who flee from sin will find eternal life.

And it is not enough for us to be around Christians. It is not enough for us to come from Christian families. It is not enough for us to flee secular friendships and to come to church. We must have true life within our very souls. Notice what Christ says in verse 50.

“Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves and be a peace with one another.”

If we embrace sin, if we view sin as insignificant, and if we love lawlessness, we are not the children of God. I once heard an old-time preacher tell a family that they had good genes and that he expected a lot of them spiritually because they were descended from a godly lineage. It was a nice sentiment. But, it is not true. Grandma’s righteousness does not mean you will be righteous. Your parents faithful church attendance does not mean you are a going to heaven even though you are always mean. Walking the aisle, talking to your pastor, getting baptized, and memorizing Bible verses does not compensate for your constant lying. The man, woman, and child whose life is characterized by disobedience cannot be redeemed or fixed by his or her surroundings. Salt that has lost its saltiness is worthless. Faith that clings to sin is worthless. Do not be deceived.

But that is not the end of the story. If you love sin, you can stop today. You can repent of your sin. You can confess that your are evil and in need of God’s righteousness bought for you by Jesus’ death on the cross. And then you can confess Jesus as Lord. If you do, he will liberate you from your sin. He will make you salty again. He will save you. He will fix your broken relationships; he will give you peace on earth and in heaven.

Guys and gals, God is good loving and full of glory. Anything we give up including wealth, prestige, power, and earthly satisfaction will be more than made up for in Christ. As John Piper often says, “We are most satisfied when he is most glorified.”

Our patient from before had an option, surgery or death. He choose surgery. He cut out part of his body so that he might live. He listened to the doctor and found life.

Friends, lets listen to our heavenly doctor. Let’s take sin seriously and cut it out of our lives so that we too might live.

Peter Witkowski Babies and Birth, Discipleship, Parenting

Can A Baby Solve Your Marriage Problems?

marriage-baby-1.jpgWe all long for community. We all long to be known and to know. When our relationship with our spouse begins to fracture, we look for solutions. We look for ways to fix the every widening gulf between our loved one and ourselves. And quite often, many settle on the idea of a child. “What is more intimate and more glorious than having a child” is the thought process. But it is correct?

At one level, the answer does seem plausible. Children are a blessing from the Lord. Psalm 127 makes this point abundantly clear. Having children in our homes is a very good and a very God thing. But are children the solution to our marital problems? Does their blessed nature help us overcome our lack of trust or poor communication issues? Will creating another life and building a relationship with that small person empower us to reshape our relationship with our spouse?

The answer to this question is, “No.” Children cannot restore or fix our marriage because they were not designed to be marital talismans or good luck charms. If anything, they are the opposites. According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, children actually exacerbate martial tensions and stresses. The common idea that having a child will improve your already troubled marriage is at best a myth; and at worst, it is destructive and harmful.

Marriages struggle not because of children nor because of a lack of children. They struggle because men and women are putting their own needs and their own desires above their spouse’s needs and desires. They are selfishly deciding not to share about their day or about their recent success at work because they do not trust their spouse. They do not want to get hurt, so they withdraw from the intimacy of the marriage. Or perhaps, you have already been hurt by your spouse’s anger, cutting words, or neglect and you do not want to do the hard work of helping your spouse change. Regardless of the issue, the temptation to run to children is often nothing more than a distraction and escape. It is an attempt to fix deep spiritual and heart issues with physical things, i.e other people.

Having a child to fix your marriage would be like going on a cruise ship to cure your cancer. It may provide a brief rest from cancer, but the cancer remains. The disease will get stronger and will hurt you more and more. A child may briefly distract you from your conflict with your spouse, but eventually the arguments will come back. But now, you struggles occur within the frame work of sleep deprivation, poor eating habits, and the despair that comes from listening to a baby cry for hours upon hours.

Ultimately the marriage that is weak, broken, and defined by a lack of trust does not need more children. It needs more of Christ. Both spouses need to reengage Jesus. Instead of channeling their marriage through their sinful desires, they need to channel their marriage though Christ. They need to remember that Christ loved them long before they loved Christ (1 John 4:10). And they need to remember that they need to love their spouse regardless of what their spouse does. Love is not conditional. It is a free gift that we must daily work to extend.

All marriage problems have one source: our sinful hearts. As James 1:14-15 says,

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

Our marriage problems are sins problems. And sin problems can only be fixed by refocusing on the heavenly dwelling of Christ. There is no other way. Kids will not make our marriages great again. Are you ready to deal with this reality?  Are you ready to do the hard work and get serious about your marriage issues?

Peter Witkowski Parenting

Why So Many Angry Parents?

parents-madHave you ever wanted to throw your kid through the window? If you are a parent (or at the very least a dad), I think most of us would have to say that at some point we’ve had that thought.

We like to portray parenting as a never ending series of Instagram moments filled with cuteness and joy. And a many times, our parenting calendar is full of these days.

But there are also all those moments when your son head-butts you for the umpteenth time, or pees on the floor, or talks about candy for hours on end. When those moments come, I find it easy to think, “I’m over it! Out he goes!”

Now for the sake of full disclosure, let me emphatically state: “I have never thrown any of my children or anyone else child out a window. Nor, have I ever come close to doing so.” However, I have felt the frustration, the anger, that is common to all of us parents. Parenting is tough stuff that challenges our very souls.

Understandably, we don’t like our anger. The Bible commands be angry and to not sin (Eph. 4:26). Moreover, the sinful anger that we are prone to disrupts our life, the life of our kids, and often turns an already bad day into and even  worse day. Our anger at its best does nothing to advance God’s agenda (James 1:20). So, we don’t like it. And we shouldn’t. But we keep getting mad. What gives?

Well it’s our desires. Notice what James 4:2-3 says:

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

We get mad at our kids because they frustrate our desires. We want to take a nap, we want to eat without having to get up 20 times, and we want to read three pages (just three pages mind you) without being interrupted. And when our kids keep us awake, when they force us to get up, and when they smash into our head without warning, we lose it. Why? We are angry because we did not get the peace and quiet, we wanted. We did not get our idol. And so, we lash out at the person who just interrupted our worship with an angry tirade of “If I have to tell you one more time….” (You fill in the blank.) Instead of our longed for peace, we find ourselves battling sin with sin. And Instead of our longed for tranquility with now have a home filled with fighting and quarreling.

Now some of you might be more spiritual than me. You might actually confess the whole situation to God saying, “Please give me a moment of peace from my kid (s).” And yet, your house still explodes three seconds after you crack open your book. What went wrong?

Well, you prayed and you implored God to work for the wrong reasons. Perhaps, you wanted peace so that you will not be embarrassed with Aunt Jane comes over. Perhaps you wanted peace because you were tired of parenting. Perhaps you wanted peace so that you could be more influential in your church. Regardless, you wanted peace so that others would think more of you and so that you could spend some time worshiping yourself. In that moment, you are not crying out for help; you are crying out for God to vindicate your idols. God does not do that. Hence, you wind up frustrated and angry all over again. (I’ve been here over and over again.)

The solution? Change our desires. Instead of getting mad at our kids, we need to confess to God that we want things, honors, and earthly pleasures that God has not called us to. We must confess that we have taken nice good things and transformed them into our god. We have to refocus our hearts on our calling as parents. We must realize that parenting is not an imposition to our well-being and happiness. We have to realize it is our calling. Through parenting, God shapes us, matures us, and sanctifies us. Instead seeking to make our name great through parenting,  we should implore God to give us the wisdom and patience that we need to parent well, trusting Him to show up! If we will confess our sinful desires, and replace them with a desire to see God glorified, we will find rest from our anger and peace.

Parenting is tough. Soon and very soon, our kids will put our faith to the test once again. But as we encounter our kids’ sin and prepare to correct them, we must remember that our kids are not responsible for our sin. Our kids do not make us angry, impatient, or unkind. Our hearts do that all on their own. As James 1:14 says, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.” Are you ready to deal with your angry heart?