April Witkowski Parenting

Does the Bible tell me to have children?

april-and-lukeAuthor: April Witkowski  

How do you decide when or if to have children? If you have a child, how do you decide whether or not to have more?

It’s a basic question. If you are young and married I’m sure people ask you some form of a child question on a regular basis. It might be asked by family members, friends at church or a stranger in Wal-mart. People are curious about this basic idea of family and everyone has their version of an opinion.

So is it really just a question that each couple comes to an answer on their own? Are there guidelines to help us? Wisdom that culture provides that must not be disputed?

It seems the prevailing advise I hear around has to do with being “prepared.” “Don’t have kids right away, enjoy just being married first.” “Save up some money and buy a house, car, etc. before bringing children into the picture.” “Parenting is hard work, make sure you are ready for it!” And then there are the awful stories told designed to scare mostly women of the horrors of childbirth and motherhood.

On top of the prevailing wisdom of our time, we have our own internal thoughts about the subject of family planning. I will speak only to the woman side of things since I understand that better. We like to think. And we have a host of ideas about whether we are willing to risk our bodies for the sake of bringing one or more babies into the world. What about the weight gain, the labor pain, the postpartum depression? What about my job? What if I’m a terrible mother? The list goes on.

I get it! I’ve thought through many of these angles.

Why have children? I mean, really, why? Is there a way to know?

Let me ask you a question… Have you ever prayed about whether or not to have kids? Have you ever opened your Bible to help you make this decision?

3 Questions To Consider

1. Are we willing to submit to God and His will for our life, and not be selfish?

Most of the reasons we have for delaying or not having children are ultimately selfish. And most of that comes from the fact that we aren’t interested in asking God about the decision before we make it. It’s all about heart attitudes.

brothers-457234_1920I committed my life to the Lord Jesus Christ over two decades ago. I’m still finding sin in my life that needs to be repented of. I’m not perfect so I know I need to continually submit myself to the Lordship of Christ. It is through the Bible that we grow in knowledge about God. So for any and all life decisions I need to first and foremost look to His Word to guide me.

I don’t think the Bible says you should have as many children as you can possibly have. The more children you have does not mean the holier you are. But the Bible does have a lot to say about what our families should be like.

Are we willing to look to the Bible for answers and obey them if we find them?

 

2. Are we going to value what God values? He loves children.

And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. – Genesis 1:28

Ok, so whether you think this command to be fruitful and multiply is still in effect or not, you at least have to agree that God values children. The next generation is always important to Him.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. – Psalm 127:3-5

Some people say we don’t need a lot of kids today because we aren’t farming and need the extra help that seven plus children bring. But I don’t see where farming or any economic incentive has a place here. God just says children are a blessing, i.e. kids are good. Period.

but Jesus said,

Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” And he laid his hands on them and went away. – Matthew 19:14-15

Jesus took time to hug on children. When others thought they were a bother, He took time out of His schedule to talk to them. If Jesus made it a point to teach His disciples the importance of children, then shouldn’t His followers today make it a point to be known for loving children?

Search the Bible and see that children are always equated with blessings and good things. Maybe the smartest most mature decision isn’t to “wait of few years” to have kids after all. But you search the scriptures and decide.

 

3. Are we committed to trusting God to provide for all our needs (physical, financial, emotional)?

Physical Needs

To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. – Genesis 3:16

The physical demands of pregnancy and motherhood are real and ugly. They have to be because they are cursed. Cursed things are not all nice and rosy. But God has promised to provide grace to believing women who have children.

Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control. – 1 Timothy 2:15

Here Paul writes that Christian women will be “saved” or delivered from the curse of childbirth. Is it hard? Yes, definitely yes. But God has not forgotten women. He walks with His daughters through the pain. So as we continue in the faith (and love and holiness with self-control) God helps us endure labor and delivery. He is with us through the depression and weight struggles. We can trust our awesome God and not let fear talk us out of having girl-1250679_1920children.

 

Financial Needs

We are on a take-a-calculator-to-the-grocery-store-and-put-something-back kinda budget. So believe me when I say I know children take a toll on your income. Children cost money. But Proverbs 10:3 says,

The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry.

And you know what? We haven’t gone without food yet! Things are tight but God continues to provide for all our needs. God knows we only have one income and we still need to buy diapers.

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. – Matthew 6:31-33

 

Emotional Needs

and so train the young women to love their husbands and children – Titus 2:4

I think the fact that Paul tells older women to train younger women to love their husbands and children means that sometimes they don’t! Sometimes you don’t feel like being a wife and mom and loving your family. Does it help you to realize that the Bible addresses that? It does for me. God knows that motherhood is emotionally taxing. He hasn’t called us to the great task of motherhood to preform some cold duty. His word provides the answers to having joy in the midst of potty training! God even realizes the importance of “girl time” since He says that these older ladies should be coming by to talk to these younger ladies. He knows what we need. Look to His Word and trust God to provide for your emotional needs too.

I don’t know what size family each should have. I don’t think the Bible gives a number or a timetable. But the Bible does give us knowledge about God, wisdom about life and principles to guide us. Will you commit yourself to God and obey what He shows you in His Word?

 

 

Peter Witkowski Children's Ministry

5 Habits That Kill Kids’ Ministries

kid toys freeI think its fair to say that every kids’ ministry needs more staff. And I don’t mean the creepy kind with no teeth and a criminal background. We need kid’s workers who love Jesus and who love kids, (even the screaming toddlers). And, I believe that God will provide all the laborers we need. The ministry and the mission is his!

But with that being said, we can still do things that undermine our kids ministry. Below are five deadly habits that regularly keep people serving and some tips for overcoming them.

  1. Poor Organization:

Nothing scares committed volunteers away faster than chaos. And we can’t blame people for avoiding a human zoo. No one would board a cruise ship whose final destination was the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. And no one is going to work with our kids if they think someone may die before the night is over.

Quick FIx:

Get organised. If we want people to work with our kids, we must empower them by creating schedules, using great curriculums, and enforcing discipline. We, the children’s leaders, must have a practical vision for our ministry that others can respond to.  Now vision will not  win everyone over on its own. But you can’t succeed without it.

  1. Lack of Vision:

Many adults think kids’ ministry exists as a holding cell for whinny, noisy, stinky kids. Many don’t serve because they don’t think kids’ ministry is a ministry. They view the kids’ wing as a swanky, religious nursery that frees adults to worship without anyone asking to go to the bathroom.

Quick Fix:kid anger free

Share our vision with our church through discussions, sermons, and training events. We need to help others see that kids’ ministries exist to strategically equip parents (and the entire church body) to declare the glory of God to the next generation! Sunday school, Wednesday night activities, and those wacky events happen because churches want to see everyone worshiping Christ together! Kids’ ministry is not just nursery, its intentional, hands-on mission and discipleship work! We need to get the word out! 

  1. A Selfish Mindset:

Those who’ve fallen into this category believe “Church is me time.” They don’t serve because God only called them to attend church. Because their life is crazy and/or hard, they think God has freed them from serving others, especially kids. Even if they have kids, this group knows that God called them to only attend Bible studies and concerts. 

Quick Fix:

First, We need to invite people to serve. Second, we explain the danger of not actively serving in church. Admittedly those who make Sunday their “adult time” or their “time away from the kids,” will have an easier day. But their day will also be far less biblical. We are called to put the needs of others before our own. (I.E. the church is not about you or me). We read in Philippians 2:2-4:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

“Yes,” some will say, “but you have no idea what my kids are like or what I have to put up with on a regular basis.” A We don’t. And we need to be considerate of others struggles. But, we need to help all see that service is not based on feelings. We serve because the God of the universe put our needs before his own comfort. We want to be like him! Help others see that our earthly comfort is not more important than a child’s salvation and find a reasonable place for them to serve. 

  1. A Quitter’s Mentality:

These adults say things like, “I did my time and my kids are grown.” In short, they’ve tapped out and have done their time.

Quick Fix:

We need to encourage people to refresh and to follow God’s call on their life. Many people exit kids’ ministry for great reasons. We should support God’s work in their life!

But we should pursue those who leave the kids’ program to retire from ministry all together. We need to remind quitters that God doesn’t put a time limit or a quota on serving the next generation. God’s missional call to reach kids involves all of his church. Ands, kids need older adults to teach them. The energy of young singles and new marrieds cannot compare to the wisdom possessed by older believers. If we want to see our kids greatly influenced for Christ, we need to expose them to the Godliest men and women in our church. And not surprisingly, most kids actually want to hang with wiser men and women!

  1. Lack of Communication:

There are people in our churches who are sitting out because they’ve never been asked to help. These adults never interacted our kids’ zone because they are single or empty nesters. They are open to serving. But they’ve never connected with a kids’ ministry worker or leader. They may have heard that their kids’ ministry needs help, but they don’t know where to begin.

Quick Fix

The solution is for somebody to directly ask them. As kid’s ministry people, we need to make an effort to interact with the whole body, inviting health believers from all walks of life to be part of our kids’ ministry.

Now its your turn! What struggles does your kids’ ministry face when it comes time to recruit?