Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Lessons from Nathan’s Rebuke: Effective Strategies for Christian Confrontation

Nathan’s rebuke of David in 2 Samuel 12:1-14 establishes both the need for rebuke (see: Rebuke: An Overlook and Yet Necessary Means of Grace) and the structural framework through which rebuke is most effective.

Don’t Tell Stories (Maybe)

To argue that Christian’s should model their rebukes on Nathan’s rebuke of David is not to claim that every rebuke should be built around a moving morality tale. God divinely inspired Nathan’s narrative. Our imaginations and our AI algorithms are not so inspired. For example, when Joab takes his turn at story telling in 2 Samuel 14 seeking to restore David’s relationship with Absalom, the general spawns a civil war.

Moreover, when Elijah confronts King Ahab, the prophet employs only imperatives, telling Ahab, “I have not troubled Israel, but you have, and your father’s house, because you have abandoned the commandments of the Lord and followed the Baals (1 Kg 18:18).”  Nathan’s introductory story proves to be descriptive instead of normative.  Thus, a story could be both helpful and unhelpful.

However, the principles behind imbedded in Nathan’s rebuke can and should be replicated by Christians seeking to restore their fallen brothers and sisters. As Nathan before them, believers should do the following four things when issuing a rebuke: they should identify sin as “sin”, affirm the goodness of God, warn of sin’s consequences, and offer mercy.

Identify Sin as “Sin”

In confronting David’s sin, Nathan drives for a hard edge. He does not suggest that David did something wrong nor ask him to mull over what he did and see if he will do something different next time. Nathan dispenses with all nuance and labels King’s adultery and murder as “sin.” The prophet tells David, “You have despised the word of the Lord to do what is evil in his sight…You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife (2 Sam 12:9-10).”

For our rebukes to be both just and effective, we must show the David’s in our lives that he or she has transgressed not only our sensibilities but the very words of God. Moreover, where the Bible proves clear and unnuanced, the followers of Christ must also be clear and unnuanced. Sleeping with someone other than your spouse (Eph 5:5-6), disobeying one’s parents (6:1), or telling crude jokes (Eph 4:29) are not misjudgments or the byproducts of biology. They are sins. And if we hope to see a sinner repent, we must help the sinner grasp the sinfulness of their actions. Men who see no sin will see no need to turn from his sin. To quote C.S. Lewis, “A man who admits no guilt can accept no forgiveness.”

Affirm the Goodness of God

After establishing sin as sin, the believer should disarm the sinner’s primary defense mechanism with a refresher course in God’s character. Since the beginning of time, humans have been blaming God for their failings. Adam said God was the one responsible for humanity’s fall because after all Eve was God’s idea (and not Adam’s). Adam lamented, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate (Gen 3:12).”

Before David can join Adam in the blame game, Nathan reminds King that God has giving David everything he could ask for and more. The prophet declares on God’s behalf, “‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul. And I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your arms and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah. And if this were too little, I would add to you as much more (2 Sam 12:7b-8).” David did not sin because the Lord failed to keep his promises. He did not sin because his other wives had neglected him or lost their youthful sex appeal. He did not sin because he had a hard upbringing or had suffered trauma on the battlefield. God had protected him, sustained him, and blessed him at every turn and been with him in every hardship. David sinned not because God had forgotten him but because David had forgotten God.

What was true of David is true of every believer overrun with sin. God has withheld nothing good from us nor anything essential for our spiritual well being. Psalm 84:11 reminds us, “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” We have no excuse for surrendering to temptation.

I am not arguing that the Lord gives us all that we desire. We often desire wrong things and good things in wrong ways. Moreover, life is ultimately not found in earthly blessings such as marriage and financial security but in being with Christ. Jesus will give us everything that we need to be with him in paradise if we will but ask. As Paul reminds us, he “is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us (Eph 3:20).” In other words, we fall into sin not because God is deficient but because our faith is deficient. The Lord is good.

Warn of Sin’s Consequences

Though the Lord will forgive David and all who repent, Nathan still reminds David of the consequences of his sin: “because by this deed you have utterly scorned the Lord, the child who is born to you shall die (2 Sam 12:14).”  At first glance, this punishment appears unjust. The son should not die for the sins of the father. But such a reading grants David far too much power.

The child’s death was not caused by David’s sin. The child would have died no matter what David did or did not do because the child descends from another father: Adam. As the Apostle Paul notes in Romans 5:12, “sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.” David’s son, like all sons of Adam, dies because he had a nature like Adam. David’s sin does not create death. It shortens life.

The same proves true of sin today. It’s consequences reach far beyond the sinner’s immediate life. For example, Children of divorce are 33% more like to live in poverty than those with intact families (Get Married). Children with parents in prison are more than 40% more likely to struggle with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a wide spectrum of health issues from migraines to obesity. Sin always produces the fruit of sorrow and destruction.

To effectively rebuke others, we must help them appreciate the deadly consequences of their sin so that they can grasp depth and width of their sin’s true cost. Confession can and does prove costly. Confessing fraud could lead to one’s firing, confessing an affair could wreck one’s marriage, and confessing abuse could lead to imprisonment. An effective rebuke will lay out the full cost of one’s sin so that the believer can appreciate the wickedness of their sin and thereby be turned from it. The goal of rebuke is for the David in our lives to understand that they have “sinned against the Lord (2 Sam 12:13).”

Offer Mercy

Lastly, Nathan offers David the hope of divine forgiveness. Though the consequences of David’s sin remain, the Lord’s judgement does not. Nathan reports, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die (2 Sam 12:13b).” God’s forgiveness explains both why Christians should use rebuke and why those in sin should heed those rebukes. Everything David lost because of his sin and its consequences will be regained in heaven. In other words, David will go to his son because a future heir of David will be born in a manger, resist all temptation, and then die on the cross and rise again thereby canceling the record of sin and death.

Like, Nathan we too should remind the David’s in our lives of the goodness of God’s mercy. Though our sins maybe large, complicated, gross, and intricate, Christ blood is more powerful still. James the brother of Jesus offers the following comfort to the contrite soul, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you (James 4:8-11).” All who turn from their sin will be exalted to live with Christ. Like Nathan before us, we should infuse every rebuke with the promise of forgiveness and restoration.

Final Thoughts

Though these principles of confrontation come the Scriptures, their power lies not in our use of them but in Spirit working through them. David repents because the Lord opened his eyes. We cannot restore anyone in our strength. But we can faithfully apply the truth of God’s word to the David’s in our life, calling sin “sin,” affirming the goodness of God, warning of sin’s consequences, and offering mercy.

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Rebuke: An Overlooked and Yet Essential Means of Grace

Though the idea of “rebuke” makes many evangelicals queasy, the discipline is not an archaic tool of yesteryear. Nor is it the exclusive domain of those discernment blogger types the crawl around twitter and Tik Tok. It is an essential means of grace. As the fall of King David makes clear, even the most faithful of Christians can become desensitized to their sin and stand in need of a rebuke.

David and Nathan

At the conclusion of 2 Samuel 11, the readers find King David moving in with Bathsheba and at peace with having had an affair with her and with having had orchestrated the murder of her husband – one of the David’s mighty men. David no longer thinks of his sins and encourages his conspirator in Uriah’s murder, Joab. to do the same. He tells the anxious general: “Don’t let this displease you (2 Sam 11:25).” Despite David’s self-assurances, God is still displeased with his sins.

Though a reader of 2 Samuel might assume that David stumbled into the muck because he had allowed the Scriptural wall around his heart to fall into decay, the text asserts the opposite to be true. When Nathan tells the story of a wealthy man who had stolen a poor farmer’s only beloved sheep, David correctly applies the Old Testament law which declares that “If a man steals…a sheep, and kills it or sells it, he shall repay…four sheep for a sheep (Ex 22;1).” David tells Nathan that the rich man, “shall restore the lamb fourfold (2 Sam 12:6).” And in that reference of Scripture, David reveals the insidious and blinding nature of sin. David can quickly and correctly apply the Scriptures to the thefts of others but cannot see the adultery and murder that he committed. Well did Jesus warn us: “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye (Matt 7:5).” Thus, the Lord mercifully sends Nathan to show David the tree in his eye and to declare, “You are the man (2 Sam 12:7)!” Apart from Nathan, David could not have grasped that he had sin, would not have sought repentance, and could have perished for his sins. Nathan’s rebuke delivered David from the fog of deception that had enveloped his heart so that he could once again see the brilliance of his Lord and pursue holiness. To quote the words of King Solomon – David next son with Bathsheba, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend (Prov 27:6).”

A Pastoral Responsibility

Though no pastor or elder should delight in the need for rebuke, all must be prepared to both offer and accept rebuke. To neglect rebuke is to neglect the foundations of soul care and discipleship. Paul tells Titus that pastors must “rebuke those who contradict” sound doctrine (Ti. 1:9, 13) and Timothy that, “the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will (Tim 2:24-25). The pastor who loves his sheep neither ignores their sin nor wishes it away. He preaches the warning of Scripture from the pulpit and shares them with those sitting opposite his desk. As with Nathan, obedience and love compels the faithful pastor or elder to rebuke his congregants so that they too may be rescued from their sins.  

A Congregational Responsibility

But what proves true of the church’s pastors and elders also proves true of those in the pew. Jesus invites the whole church to engage in rebuke when he says in Luke 17:3b that, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” When we encounter a brother drunk at work, a sister dating an unbeliever, or a teenager disrupting her class with vulgar jokes, we must tell them that they too are the man or the woman so that they will not be lost to sin. As the theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer noted, “Nothing can be more cruel than the tenderness that consigns another to his sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe rebuke that calls a brother back from his sin.” Or to quote the Old Testament law: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him (Lev. 19:17.” If we love our fellow church members, we will rebuke them.

Your Responsibility

In addition to giving rebukes, we must also accept them. Because as Bonhoeffer noted all evangelical are prone to turning the “justification of sinners…into the justification of sin,” we all stand in need of rebuke. Spiritual health depends upon it. To foster such a spirit, Christians must ground their lives in local church. It exists in-part to foster relationships between future Davids and Nathans so that when the time comes for rebuke someone from your small group, Sunday school class, or book club will lovingly tell you, “You are the man…You are the woman.”

And when they risk the relationship for our good, we should also welcome the rebuke and repent.  We should not recoil at our pastor’s words nor excuse our sins to the small group member. Rather, we should thank them for seeking to help us and ponder the merits of their rebuke against the Scripture. We should have the mindset of David who wrote in Psalm 141:5, “Let a righteous man strike – me it is a kindness; let him rebuke me – it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it.” Though rebukes can be painful in the moment, we should view those faithful corrections as acts of God’s mercy for the Lord has not surrendered us to the power sin and judgment. When confronted about our sins, may God give us to grace to confess as David did, “I have sinned against the Lord (2 Sam 12:13).”

Moreover, we should not despair because someone had to rebuke us for even in the darkest hours Jesus is at work in us. Jeremiah Burrough helpfully notes, “the art of arts and the science of sciences…[is] to understand…that God…will bring life out of death, joy out of sorrow…and many times…grace out of sin, that is make uses of sin to work the furtherance of grace.” Do not sulk about the need for rebuke. Rather praise God for using even your rebellion to grow your faith through repentance and its resulting restoration.

Final Thoughts

The tool of rebuke is neither antiquated nor useless. Its use proves essential to the well being of our churches and our souls. Christian growth cannot happen without it. May God give us the grace to both give and accept rebuke.

Peter Witkowski Children's Ministry

God Doesn’t Want Your Old Toys

When you offer blind animals in sacrifice, is that not evil? And when you offer those that are lame or sick, is that not evil? Present that to your governor; will he accept you or show you favor? – Malachi 1:8

old toys

Instead of retiring Woody and Buzz to Andy’s attic, Christian parents often take the toys to their church. But sadly most of the toys left on the church’s doorstep don’t resemble a freshly minted Buzz Light Year. Often the donations more closely resemble the freakishly destroyed toys of Sid’s bedroom. Nothing like a baby doll attached to a metal spider. (See the video below)  “Sally, the key is pretending that the baby doll is soft.” And if our kid’s ministries take on the feel of Sid’s room, we don’t just a have décor problem; we have a huge spiritual problem. 

The Big Problem

Every time, we donate a broken toy or drop off a stained couch at church, we declare God to be worthless. By giving God our leftovers, we are telling the world that the God who created the universe is second best. We get to Him after we take care of ourselves. Oh and God’s house, it’s nothing more than the closest Goodwill center.

God isn’t impressed by our casts offs. It’s not too hard to get why. You wouldn’t send your old couch to the Governor’s office or give his kids your broken toys in an effort to persuade him to increase teacher salaries. Why? Because the governor and his family already have nice things. Your junk will not move him to take up your cause. And your junk won’t impress God. King David expressly says that we should never give God that which costs us nothing. When we give God our worthless things, we declare him worthless. God takes offense at such actions.

The Solution

Instead of bringing junk to God’s house. Bring your best. Bring your first fruits. Drop off the new toy car at church. Bring the unblemished doll to the nursery. Go get your kids new toys, but bring the best new toy to Jesus. He is the great king. We need to treat him as such. We need to view of him as worthy of our worship, finances, and very life. To do anything else is to commit idolatry.

 We need to change our mindset by remembering what God has given us. First, we recall that God gave us physical life. And second we remember that he gives us spiritual life. In short, He gives us all things necessary for physical and spiritual life. And when we remember this truth, we cannot help but worship him with all that we have.

At the end of the day no one has to give anything to the preschool ministry. We are called to give joyfully as God moves us. But if we decided to bring toys to church, we need to bring the best toys not the broken and the discarded ones. Admittedly our best toys may not always be the newest or the flashiest. The widow’s mite brought God the more glory than all the money bags of the rich. And one of FBCE’s most popular preschool toy was used. But the toys was still a real and costly gift for that person. As such, it, like the widow’s mite, brought glory to God. At the end of the day, God is concerned with our heart more than the quantity or size of the gift.

What are we bringing to God?