Peter Witkowski Parenting

7 Signs That Your Kid’s Friend Is A Fool

Ah friends. We can’t live without them. And often, we can’t live with them. Quite bad friendnaturally, we want our kids to have good friends too. At their best, childhood friends are buddies, encouragers, and fellow enthusiasts who create bonds that last a lifetime. As Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” But at their worst, childhood companions are drama queens, bullies, and liars that bring a steady stream of misery into our families.

So how do discover if our kids’ friends are little angles or little demons? How do we help them determine who to get close to and who to run from? We appeal to the scriptures. According to the Bible, bad friends, fools, are defined by these 7 characteristics. Let’s take a look:

1. A Fool Hates God

We must encourage our kids not to trust themselves to those who mock God, the Bible, or the people of God. The kid who makes fun of VBS, says the Bible is not true, and lies about the pastor should not be our kid’s best friend. In Psalm 14:1 and in 53:1 we ready that, “The fool says in his heart, ““There is no God.”” Any girl, boy, or teenager who openly makes fun of church, misrepresents the Bible, and attacks God should not be welcomed as a friend. Those who hate God are by nature fools. Rather, we should encourage our kids to befriend those who enjoy being around other Christians, who read the scriptures, and who love God.

2. A Fool Despises Wisdom

If a kid or teenager is constantly rejecting the advice of his parents, teachers, and counselors, she should not become our child’s best friend. Those who despise wisdom and instruction are fools. Proverbs 12:15 states, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”  And in Proverbs 28:26, we read, “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.” Those who love the Lord know they don’t have all the answers. They also embrace the advice of those who are wiser than them. As Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” We should encourage our kids to seek out friends who love wisdom.

The heart of him who had understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouth of fools feeds on folly (Prov. 15:14).

3. A Fool Disgraces His Family

If the parents’ of your child’s friends are discouraged, exhausted, and frustrated by their child, run. Fools and those who will lead your children to sin exasperate and disgrace their parents. Proverbs 17:25 says, “A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him.” A godly friend will be a blessing and encouragement to his family (Proverbs 10:1;15:5). Encourage your child to seek out friends who have good relationships with their parents.

4.  A Fool Talks A lot

He shares every feeling, every thought, and every supposed insight (Prov. 17:28; 29:11; Eccl. 10:14). And though he freely tells all, he refuses to listen to those around him. The result is chaos both in his life and the life of his friends. He fills his Facebook feed, Instagram account, Twitter handle, and Snap Chat messages with complaints, boasts, and slander (Prov. 10:14). His words (both typed and spoken) lead to fights, drama, and quarrels. As Proverbs 18:6 says, “A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.” Don’t befriend this guy. Fools can’t help themselves from oversharing about pretty much everything. Encourage your kids to avoid the guy who “flaunt his folly” (Proverbs 13:16). Rather, encourage them to pursue kids who are slow to speak, and who are slow to take offense. As Proverbs 10:19 says,

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

5.  A Fool Enjoys Sinning

A bad friend will enjoy sin. They will encourage those around them to cheat, lie, and steal with them. Why? The fools views her transgressions to be nothing more than a joke. As Proverbs 10:23 says, “Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.” The kid who loves breaking God’s laws should not become our kid’s friend. We should encourage our kids to befriend those who love God and flee from evil.

6.  A Fool Harms People

In Proverbs 13:20, we read that “the companion of fools will suffer harm.” If someone is a fool, he will lead his friends into detention, into conflict, and perhaps even into legal troubles. A good friend will never encourage our kid to sin. Good friends direct our kids away from sin. As Proverbs 14:16 says, “One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless.” Let’s encourage our kids to befriend those who love righteousness.

7.  A Fool Is Quick Tempered

Does a kid throw is bat at the baseball game, shout at his parents, and dress down his friends at a moment’s notice? Then we should encourage our kids to avoid him. Those prone to anger are not just over competitive. They are fools. Notice what Ecclesiastes 7:9 says, “Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.” Pursue those kids who are humble.

 

If a child hates God, despises wisdom, disgraces their families, talks a lot, enjoys sin, harms others, and is quick tempered, they should not be our child’s friend. If our kids trust themselves to a fool, they will suffer harm. Their lives will be turned upside down by drama and sin. (This is not to say our kids should avoid all sinners. We should always reach out to unbelievers. But we should not let them direct our lives or speak into our hearts.)  As the apostle Paul wrote, “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Rather, we should encourage are kids to pursue close meaningful relationships with kids who love God and their neighbors. Our kids’ friends will shape our them. Are you ready to help them pick good ones?

Peter Witkowski Evangelism

Our Churches Need Troubled Kids

troubled kids blogWe’ve all been there. We hear the toilet flush. And then, the bathroom door swing opens, and we are face to face with an extended and unwashed hand. Quite naturally, most people like me find the whole situation unnerving because we do not want to touch someone who is unclean. Ugh…that’s gross. And so we find some polite around the situation such as a fist or elbow bump. Anything but a full hand embrace!

Sadly, we tend to treat people who spiritual unclean the same way. When we come across someone who has unwashed hands, we tend to walk away. We prefer the clean people. We prefer the people who dress like us, who talk like us, and who respect us. Let someone else work with the kids and adults who smell bad, steal, and take advantage of good Christians. Of course we don’t say it this way. We hide our disdain in much more religious terms. We say things like, “We want to get deep and serious about the gospel, and those unclean, sickly kids will distract from our program. We don’t want unclean people messing up our building and drinking our coffee. After all, God called us to be good stewards.”

The problem with all of this thinking is that it never justified by the scriptures.  Jesus loved unclean sinners. Jesus reached out to the spiritually sick. In Matthew 2:13-17, we read that Jesus called Levi, a tax collector. Jesus saved a man who made his living cheating his neighbors. Jesus saved the unclean man who was excluded from good church society. And not only did Jesus save Levi, he fellowshipped with him and a bunch of other bad dudes and gals. Jesus ate with them. He cared about them. He went beyond gospel proclamation. He directly invested in them.

If we are going to be like Jesus, if we are going to have ministries the reflect Jesus, if we are going to have churches that embrace Jesus, we have to witness and fellowship with the unclean. We have to care about the spiritually sick, the divorced single moms, the drug addicts, and the kids who get expelled. We have to care about them enough to share the gospel. We have to care about them enough to welcome them into our homes and churches. We have to be willing to make meals and spend late nights talking about the truths of the gospel. Sure we might lose a phone or two, wonder why there is a hole in the wall, and deal with the fact the middle schoolers are drinking coffee. But such is the Christian life. There is no other way. Why?

Jesus came to heal the sick. He came to heal those who need a physician. Friends if any of us are saved and if any of us are respectable, it is purely by the grace of God. We are nothing special. We all were just as sick and unclean as those who ruffle our good church sensibilities. If we are truly those who follow Jesus, then we have love the spiritual sick. We have to be willing to hang out with the unclean. We have to be stop seeing church only as a nice place for concerts. We have to start acting like it’s a hospital for the wounded and weary.

At the end of the day there are two groups of people. Both are sick. But only the first knows it. The second ignores their symptoms and pretends they are better than everyone else. Jesus went to those who knew they were unclean. He went to those who needed the great physician. Which group do we belong to?

Peter Witkowski Children's Ministry

Kids’ Ministry, What Is It Really?

Kgirl blogids ministry is_______________________ ? What do would you put in the blank? Maybe, “childcare, nursery, fun, exciting, chaos, caring, love, etc.” A whole host of things pop to mind. After all there is not a “children’s” chapter in the Bible for us to read every time we baptize or if we are good Baptist “dedicate our children.” There is no New Testament description of kids’ ministry.

So what is kids’ ministry all about? Essentially is about the same thing that every biblical ministry is about. Kids’ ministry is about the gospel. Kids’ ministry is the ministry that faithfully explains the gospel to families. The apostle Paul says it this way:

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” – 2 Timothy 3:16-17

The only way to help parents and the only way to reach kids is to preach the Bible. Sure games are great, crafts are fun, and clean facilities resonate with new moms. But these things don’t save or grow people. As one little boy once told me when I asked him why he stopped coming to church, “X Church has better snacks.” Sugar doesn’t grow the church. What completes, changes, and gives life is the word of God. Salvation comes through hearing the word. Families can always find better music, graphics, and slides elsewhere. But they can never find a better gospel.

Kids loved Jesus not because of his programs (if anything his disciples were rather unwelcoming). Kids loved Jesus because of who he was. He was the loving, gracious, savior of the world. And, He is still the savoir of the world. And He is still the best thing we can offer families that pop into church on Sunday morning.  We need to lovingly preach the word. We need to connect both parents and kids to the transforming power of the Jesus Christ. Games, crafts, and snacks can all help us teach better. But nothing is better than the Jesus of the Bible.

If we want to see marriages last, kids become obedient, and the next generation embrace Jesus, the game plan is simple. Preach, teach, and minister the word by applying directly to people’s lives. Nothing beats the gospel.