Our Churches Need Troubled Kids

troubled kids blogWe’ve all been there. We hear the toilet flush. And then, the bathroom door swing opens, and we are face to face with an extended and unwashed hand. Quite naturally, most people like me find the whole situation unnerving because we do not want to touch someone who is unclean. Ugh…that’s gross. And so we find some polite around the situation such as a fist or elbow bump. Anything but a full hand embrace!

Sadly, we tend to treat people who spiritual unclean the same way. When we come across someone who has unwashed hands, we tend to walk away. We prefer the clean people. We prefer the people who dress like us, who talk like us, and who respect us. Let someone else work with the kids and adults who smell bad, steal, and take advantage of good Christians. Of course we don’t say it this way. We hide our disdain in much more religious terms. We say things like, “We want to get deep and serious about the gospel, and those unclean, sickly kids will distract from our program. We don’t want unclean people messing up our building and drinking our coffee. After all, God called us to be good stewards.”

The problem with all of this thinking is that it never justified by the scriptures.  Jesus loved unclean sinners. Jesus reached out to the spiritually sick. In Matthew 2:13-17, we read that Jesus called Levi, a tax collector. Jesus saved a man who made his living cheating his neighbors. Jesus saved the unclean man who was excluded from good church society. And not only did Jesus save Levi, he fellowshipped with him and a bunch of other bad dudes and gals. Jesus ate with them. He cared about them. He went beyond gospel proclamation. He directly invested in them.

If we are going to be like Jesus, if we are going to have ministries the reflect Jesus, if we are going to have churches that embrace Jesus, we have to witness and fellowship with the unclean. We have to care about the spiritually sick, the divorced single moms, the drug addicts, and the kids who get expelled. We have to care about them enough to share the gospel. We have to care about them enough to welcome them into our homes and churches. We have to be willing to make meals and spend late nights talking about the truths of the gospel. Sure we might lose a phone or two, wonder why there is a hole in the wall, and deal with the fact the middle schoolers are drinking coffee. But such is the Christian life. There is no other way. Why?

Jesus came to heal the sick. He came to heal those who need a physician. Friends if any of us are saved and if any of us are respectable, it is purely by the grace of God. We are nothing special. We all were just as sick and unclean as those who ruffle our good church sensibilities. If we are truly those who follow Jesus, then we have love the spiritual sick. We have to be willing to hang out with the unclean. We have to be stop seeing church only as a nice place for concerts. We have to start acting like it’s a hospital for the wounded and weary.

At the end of the day there are two groups of people. Both are sick. But only the first knows it. The second ignores their symptoms and pretends they are better than everyone else. Jesus went to those who knew they were unclean. He went to those who needed the great physician. Which group do we belong to?

Successful Failures

Successful Failures blog post

When we see kids getting drunk every weekend, fleeing church like the plague, and rocking out to obscenities, we naturally start to look for someone or something to blame. Was it the wrong crowd at school, or the tattooed kid next door, or all that secular media? Unfortunately, the answer actually might be in our house and church. It might be you and me.

The Church’s Failure

According to a recent study, those of us who attend church are almost indistinguishable from those who do not. During the typical week, Christians are almost as likely as non-Christians to gamble, gossip, hold a grudge, and sleep with someone other than their spouse. Sadly, Christians are slightly actually more likely than the unchurched, to lie and steal. Now admittedly, there is some good news. Christians are less likely to use profanity, get drunk (though almost 25% of Christians still do on a weekly basis) and seek out pornography (Barna & Kinnaman, p. 131). These stats indicate that our church people remarkably mirror the world. As David Platt laments,

We can’t fathom a Christian on the other side of the world believing that a wooden god can save them, but we have no problem believing that religion, money, possessions, food, fame, sex, sports, status, and success can satisfy (p. 23).

Our Successful Failure

follow meSo what does this have to with our kids? Parents have the greatest opportunity to influence their children. Whatever they
teach their kids, they will pick up. But as the stats above point out, many Christian parents are modeling the wrong message. They are successfully teaching their kids that living for Christ and true joy is synonymous with living for self. By living worldly lives, Christians may actually be the ones encouraging their kids to walk away from Christ.

But, troubled kids do typically reject one aspect of their parents’ lives. They skip church. No longer seeing the need for their parents’ Pharisaical attitudes or guilt complexes, many kids will often happily exchange the closed minded church pew for the open tolerance of the coffee shop. After all if you can be a good person without obeying Jesus, why get up early every Sunday and pretend the white robed dude is a big deal?

Overcoming the World

How do we fix our worldliness and in turn, help our kids understand the true Jesus of the Bible? We embrace as Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, “Costly Grace.” On Sunday morning, we teach that there is no salvation apart from repentance. We affirm that the grace of Christ calls us all to die to sins and to live obediently for Christ. We proclaim that salvation leads to transformation. The old things such as sexual immorality and lying will pass away. The new has come.

And during the week, we live the word. We sacrifice our selfish desires and wants, to care for the sick, to happily wash dishes, to selflessly love our families. We become doers of the word who love Christ more than life itself.

I fear that the many church people are worldly because they have never left the world. As David Platt writes,

People who claim to be Christians while their lives look no different from the rest of the world are clearly not Christians (p. 18).

If we want to encourage our kids to faith in Christ, some of us will need to embrace Christ for the first time. We can only faithfully model what we know and experienced.

Understanding Our Limits

Now with all this being said, we don’t need to develop a guilt complex every time our kids sin or walk away from God. According to God, no parent is ultimately responsible for their child’s salvation or theirs sins. The prophet Ezekiel writes,

The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor shall the father suffer for the iniquity of the son (18:20).

Godly parents raise kids who become drug addicts and drug addicts produce kids who become pastors. Thankfully, God saves kids from all kinds of homes irrespective of ones parents.

Yet, God has still specifically designed us parents to reach the next generation for Christ. (Read Deuteronomy 6 and Psalm 78.) And if our lifestyle is so worldly that our kids miss the beauty of the gospel, we will be held accountable. And even more frightening, we (like the trouble kids around us) may be speeding down the broad road to destruction.

Living For Jesus

Thankfully, the antidote for our sin problem is simple. We start guarding against worldliness. As we interact with the scriptures, we compare our lives against the life of Christ and repent when our lives fail to match up to Jesus’ life. (2 Cor. 13:5). And if we follow Jesus, we will be successful parents.

Works Cited

Barna, G., & Kinnaman, D. (2014). Churchless: Understanding Today’s Unchurched and How to Connect with Them. Austin: Tyndale House.

Platt, D. (2013). Follow Me . Carol Stream: Tyndale House .