Do pastors need friends? – Witkowski Blog

Under the guidance of divine providence, King David achieved great political success in part because he valued the wise counsel of others. David’s love for wisdom kept pace with his heroism. The man who rose to fame through the slaying of giants and armies was just as approachable as he was brave. He valued the counsel of women, prophets, and common soldiers. In other words, to lead well like David, pastors and elders must listen to and heed biblical counsel irrespective of its source.

The King Who Listened Well

The first person to gain an audience with David was Abigail, the wife of Nabal, the man David was marching to kill. After providing David and his army with food whose previous lack thereof had precipitated David’s spat with her husband, Abigail reminded David of the Lord’s faithfulness. She pleaded, “Please forgive the trespass of your servant. For the Lord will certainly make my lord a sure house, because my lord is fighting the battles of the Lord, and evil shall not be found in you so long as you live (1 Sam 25:28).” David quickly recognized the rightness of her cause and abandoned his lust for vengeance that would have prevented him from reaching the throne. David understood that Abigail had been God’s mouthpiece. He praises her saying, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! 33 Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from working salvation with my own hand (1 Sam 25:32-33)!” David rose to power through the godly counsel of wise women.

He then ended his life as he began listening to the counsel of another woman, Bathsheba. When she learns that Adonijah is attempting to supplant Solomon on the David throne, she with the help of the prophet Nathan made David aware of the coup. Spurred to action, the now well-aged King David quickly reaffirms his commitment to Solomon, declaring, “‘Solomon your son shall reign after me, and he shall sit on my throne in my place,’ even so will I do this day (1 Kg 1:30).” King David then orders Zadok the priest to anoint Solomon as king in accordance with God’s prophetic word. The faithful leader will recognize and heed the wisdom of God that flows through his sisters in Christ.

Secondly, David listened to the prophets in his life. When David seduced Bathsheba and then killed her husband Uriah, the Lord dispatched the prophet Nathan to rebuke the unrepentant king. After being cut to the heart through Nathan’s story of a rich man stealing a poor man’s one sheep and then learning that he was the thief, David grasped his sin and repented. In 2 Samuel 12:13, David proclaims, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Though consequences of his sin would follow him, David maintained his kingdom through God’s mercy because he heeded the wise rebuke of the prophet.

Lastly, he listened to the wise counsel of the lowly and even the foolish. Though the soldier in King David longed to join the fight against Absalom’s revolutionary army, the king did not go to battle because he heeded the counsel of his troops. They reminded the king that his death would bring an end to their cause and to the Davidic kingdom. The Scriptures report, “But the men said, “You shall not go out. For if we flee, they will not care about us. If half of us die, they will not care about us. But you are worth ten thousand of us. Therefore it is better that you send us help from the city (2 Sam 18:3).” David deferred to the wisdom of his men and replied, “Whatever seems best to you I will do (2 Sam 18:4).” In so doing, he avoided the fate of Absalom who went to battle, died in battle, and saw his revolution and monarchy come to a quick end.

Though his troops proved victorious, David would once again need the wisdom of others to keep his kingdom. When King David heard of Absalom’s death, he mourned so loudly that his troops’ victory procession turned into a funeral. In God’s providence, his general Joab, a murderer and often unfaithful man, saw the looks on the troops’ face and rebuked David for his excessive sorrow. If left unchecked, David’s grief would have produced a political dynamic that would have been “worse for you than all the evil that has come upon you from your youth until now (2 Sam 19:7).” Again, David heeded the wise counsel Joab offered him. The Scriptures report, “Then the king arose and took his seat in the gate (2 Sam 19:8).” David left his grief and the crisis was avoided.

The King Who Listened Too Much

But the counsel must always be infused with Scripture and Scriptural principles. Counsel for counsel’s sake proves no more edifying than solitude for solitude sake. David suffered great harm when listening to the foolish counsel of Joab. Using a story, the general convinced King David to suspend justice and to allow Absalom to return from exile. Because of this advice, Absalom managed to gain the power and influence needed to bring about his revolution. Had David executed Absalom for Ammon’s murder, 2 Samuel would have been much shorter and happier. In other words, the validity of one’s counsel rises and falls in accordance with its adherence to the Scriptures and Scriptural principles.

New Covenant Leaders Listening

Though the people of God no longer abide under the Davidic covenant, the principle of heeding wise counsel irrespective of its sources should be heeded by those pastors and elders that lead the new covenant people. The wise elder or pastor will value the biblical counsel of others. He will not assume that he always knows best, recognizing that God conveys wisdom through his spouse, the men and women in his church, his fellow elders and pastors, and even at times (especially about non-biblical matters) even through unbelievers. Whenever a pastor or elder encounters counsel infused with biblical principles, the new covenant leader should listen and apply the counsel he has received. When his wife encourages him not to speak so rashly and unkindly to others he should heed her, repent, and change his ways. When his fellow elders rebuke him for posting a foolish comment on social media, the pastor should take it down and ask for forgiveness. When church members encourage him to rest and take a sabbatical, he should heed them. And when the unsaved but gifted electrician warns him that the church will burn down unless the wiring is replaced, he should heed him. The wise pastor – and by extension Christian – will welcome the wise counsel of others. As King David’s son Solomon wrote in Proverbs 11:14, “in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” May God give us all the grace to listen well.

airplane “I don’t like this,” were First Officer David Hare’s final words. Six brief seconds the later, the Boeing 737 that he and Captain Blair Rutherford were piloting slammed into the side of a hill killing 12 of the 15 people aboard the aircraft. Prior to the crash, Hare made six statements to Rutherford concerning the planes trajectory. Tragically, Rutherford ignored them all.

Captain Rutherford is not alone. Most airplane crashes result from similar circumstances. Almost all of the planes encounter some kind of small mechanical error while their tired crews navigated through bad weather. These circumstance in and of themselves do not doom the aircraft. Everyday, tired crews land planes safely in less than perfect conditions. Crashes occur because the Captains flying in the doomed aircraft have a large Power Distance Index.

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In 1997, Korean Air Flight 801 infamously slammed into the mountains of Guam. Like Captain Rutherford, the Captain of flight 801 refused to listen to the concerns of both his first officer and his flight engineer. Although the first officer and the flight engineer had quickly realized that the plane was in trouble, they were slow to speak up because the Captain’s authority was rarely challenged. When the crew did finally directly challenge the Captain’s piloting, he ignored them because they were after all subordinate and inferior. By the time the Captain realized that he had misjudged their approach, the time for his 747’s salvation had passed. Less than two minutes later, flight 801 barreled into the jungle hillside killing most everyone on board.

After many crash investigations, researchers have discovered that a crew’s leadership style often determines whether they crash or land peacefully unnoticed by the media. Crews with a strict hierarchy are more prone to crash than crews with first officers and flight engineers who were encouraged to challenge a captain’s authority directly.

In much the same way, Christians can determine the future of their church and the children’s ministry by looking at their leaders. All leaders fly through the storms of life. But, leaders who distance themselves from accountability and from their church members during their flight are destined for disaster. Their mountain could be a whole host of things including sexual immorality, drunkenness, pride, or theological error. But, it is coming. To have a healthy church, pastors and leaders must invite others to speak into their lives.

In Mark 10:42-44, Jesus says,

You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles Lord it over them, and their great ones exercises authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever who be first among you must be the slave of all.

Christians cannot lead well if they have created a hierarchical structure that prevents people from challenging their authority. To be the servant of all, Christians leaders must being willing to pour coffee and stack chairs. But servant leadership also means that pastors, elders, and leaders must be willing to listen to the concerns of those around them. Think about Paul, Peter and the church at Antioch. The early church leaders constantly listened and responded to the concerns of their people They had a low level Power Distance Index. Like Jesus, the early church fathers were approachable and humble. The church today is not captivated by legalism because Paul spoke up and corrected Peter when he started building additions on the the gospel. Christian leaders must continue to model these qualities. If they do not, they will depart from Christ’s example and will slam into failure. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer correctly noted,

He who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either… This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual life, and in the end there is nothing left but spiritual chatter and clerical condescension arrayed in pious words”

As the first officers and flight engineers of God, church members also must be willing to speak up and express their concerns when they sense disaster approaching. When members care enough about their pastors to talk to them, the church functions better. As Gabe Lyons said, “Our friendships and personal growth opportunities come when we step into the uncomfortable space of conflict, not when we evade it.” “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” (Prov. 27:6a).

Christian leaders are not meant to function alone exhausted by the cares of ministry. They are called to equip others by teaching and modeling the gospel, inviting others to be a part of their life. As they do so and as church members join them in the cockpit of ministry, our churches will experience unprecedented safety and success.

Are you ready to be part of your church’s flight crew? Are you ready to advocate for small Power Distance Index?

Tag: Do pastors need friends?

The Love of Counsel: A Key to David’s (and our) Effective Leadership