Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Why Church Members Need To Be In The Fish Bowl

fish-bowl“Don’t be a goldfish; be a shark,” is a phrase that has stayed with me. The zealous motivation speaker who had chucked her family overboard to achieve her dreams used the phrase to encourage people to jump out of their mind numbing  goldfish bowls of low expectations for the purpose of devouring their dreams. Yum!  No one likes the fish bowl and those flakes floating down through the water.

Yet almost every pastor and his family will find themselves swimming in circles in full view of every kind and judgemental eye. Those occupy the senior pastor’s chair, the music pastor’s bench, the youth pastor’s closet, or the children’s pastor’s office which used to be the janitor’s closet all swim in the fish bowl. All fall victim to the church member’s opinions which ranging from comments about the guys tie, his wife’s cooking, and his understanding of ecclesiology.  Nothing is off limits. Just try putting a new house or a car into the fishbowl and see what happens.

Some pastor respond to the challenge of always being observed by taking a shark like approach. They actively find ways to close the blinds to their homes, to fence their kids away from criticism, and to protect their wives from all those ‘helpful’ comments. They proactively find ways to escape or at the very least hide their family fishbowl from view.

Though I lived this way at times, I think this approach to the fish bowl can prove to be extremely dangerous. Security, safety, and good relationships do not come from hiding from the people in our churches. These things can only be attained by transparency.

The solution to the fish bowl is not to hide nor is it to swallow the congregation. The solution is to get more fish in the fish bowl.

The family is a delicate, private, and precious thing. But our greatest family our truest mothers, brothers, and cousins are not the people with whom we share our DNA. They are the people who share are love for Christ. The truest family is the family who sees your weakness and encourages you to follow Christ. The truest family is the family who is willing to welcome your into their lives, allowing you to see their faults so that you can help them while embracing your faults. We need friendships with fellow Christians that are, “extensive enough, intimate enough, and above all long lasting and committed enough to really uncover our deepest foolishness and cowardice and to draw out our deepest capacity for wisdom and courage.”

The apostle Paul said it this way,

For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. – 2 Thessalonians. 

Christians need both the word and relationships to thrive. Paul taught the gospel and he lived the gospel. He was with people showing them how to apply the gospel to everyday life.

Pastors must be doing the same thing. We should embrace the fish bowl, happily working out their faith before others. We must show others how to work by working and how to parent by parenting, and how to manage a budget by budgeting. We must invite people into our lives for the expansion of the gospel. By God’s grace, We must reveal how the gospel can and should transform everyday life. We are to model both the weakness of our flesh and the amazing power of the gospel. As we depend on God, the gospel will go forward in the lives of others.

Pastors need the fish bowl and so do you. Andy Crouch warned

“If you don’t have people in your life who know you and love you in that radical way, it is very, very unlikely you will develop either wisdom or courage.”

If your local church is never in your business, you will be one stunted Christian.

The fish bowl is only a problem because it is a one-side affair. Church members want to reserve the right to attack, demean, and belittle the pastor and his family every time one of their sins bubbles to the surface. When the Pastor comes to confront the deacon about stealing or the piano player about her sexual dalliances, the church holds an impromptu business meeting to tell the pastor to stand down. As one church member told a pastor friend of mine, “I wish you would stop applying your sermons to our church.”

Church members often refuse to swim with the pastor because they do not want to their pastor to challenge their sin with the gospel. Quite often, we pastors are ok with this arrangement because we do not want to have to spend hours counseling messy, dirty church members. As a result, the church creates a dangerous fish bowl for one instead of an aquarium for many. Dietrich Bonhoeffer rightfully said,

A community which cannot bear and cannot survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping its illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community

The Christian community that fundamentally fails to grasp that we are all sinners in need of saving is ultimately not a Christian community. A church membership that consists of people who maintain an air of self-righteousness by never inviting others into their homes and hearts is not the church God sent his son to redeem.

For pastors to pastor well, we have to model the gospel, confront sin, and be open to correction.  We have to embrace the fish bowl. For the church to function well, all of its members need to jump into the fish bowl with their pastor.

Are you ready for the fish bowl?

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Programs Will Not Fix Our Church

programGreat Christians get plugged into their church. I generally agree with this principle. I know there is great wisdom in plugging guest and new members into the various ministries of the church. A church that serves together appears to grow together. As church guru and Lifeway President, Thom Rainer said, “If you are not in a group, you are not really committed to your church.”

I agree to a point. Good church members, godly ladies, and sincere men should readily be about the business of the church. They should be ready to serve in the nursery, to attend a life group, and to take serve on the properties committee. If our church members do not do these things, we have a problem. Our churches have a problem. Only 16% of people who attend only the worship service are still in the church five years later.

To combat this problem, we try to plug people into every and any program. We create programs for our golfers, for young moms, for old moms, for senior adults, and for the youth. If you are alive, we have something for you. We tend to assume that getting someone into a program equals discipleship and growth.

Sadly the program method of discipleship is not working. I regularly run across Children’s Pastor, Minister Directors and scores of workers who have more burn mark than and 30 year-old spark plug. They are worn out, discouraged, and ready to quit. Yes the stumble past the five-year bench mark. But during that time, they have only given. They have not received And now they are ready to quit.

My experiences are not unique. Back in 2007 Bill Hybels the lead pastor of the Willow Creek Mega Church discovered that no correlation existed between one’s program participating and their love for God and others. He reported, “Some of the stuff that we have put millions of dollars into…wasn’t helping people all that much.”

Programs do not mature people in the faith. I would argue that many of our programs actually hurt the faith. I do not believe basketball camps, small groups, and women’s bible studies are bad per se. But often, they become a substitute for real relationships. Instead of having the grieving widow into our home, we rush off to watch a video driven Bible Study on friendships. Instead of spending time witnessing to our neighbors, we are at church preparing crafts for VBS. Instead of taking the new mom a meal, we are rushing off to choir practice. We are doing things for the gospel. But in reality, we are actually substituting programs for ministry. We feel good about our church and our faith. But we have not expressed our faith nor actually functioned as the church.

Consequently, we are surprised to learn that the Dad helping with Awana struggles with drug addiction. We are shocked to learn that our friend in Bible study is getting a divorced. And we are caught off guard by the news of that our daughter’s best friend mom embezzled money. We saw all these people week in and week out and had no idea that they were struggling.

Relationships built upon the Word of God are the power of the church. We exist not to run programs. We exists to stir each other up to good deeds. We come together as the people of God to call each other to repentance. We visit each other to encourage the weak and broken hearted. We are called to exist together in community because the community is where the gospel goes forward.

As Pastor and theologian Jared Wilson reminds us, togetherness is the heart of the gospel (p149). In Galatians, Philippians, I and 2 Corinthians, and 2 Thessalonians, Paul over and over again expresses his desire to be with people. “For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.” God calls us to community built on the mutual sharing of the Word of God.

The same is true of our savior. He spent time eating, talking, and living with those who he tried to reach for the kingdom.

He does not hide behind his office labeled “Messiah For Preaching and Vision.”He is sweating and crying and sleeping in from of them. And he dies for them. Jesus the pastor know that the sheep need a shepherd (Matt. 9:36).” – The Prodigal Church

I think many in our churches today prefer programs over community because community is hard work. Most Christians do not want others to know their sins and to be called to repentance. If believers are doing well, they fear interacting with the hurting because the healthy do not know how to apply the Scriptures to life.

Moreover, programs are easy. We can be busy about our Lock-in’s, our children’s camps, and our relief ministries and not even be saved.  Programs do not require the gospel. They only require our effort, ingenuity, and time. Hopeful the Holy Spirit is directing all those things. But when he is not present and a program is sustained only by human effort, God is not pleased. Notice what he told the sinful Israelites in Amos 6:21, “I hate and despise your feast, I take no delight in your solemn assemblies.” God does not like program for programs sake.

I do not believe we need to end all programs going forward. There is a place for all kinds of ministries ranging from food pantries to overseas mission trips. Yet, the ministries are only good if they foster relationships on the gospel. Yet, any program that distracts from community should be jettisoned and jettisoned quickly. If we refuse to confront a brother in sin, to hear the sorrows of our sister, and to bring food to the hungry because we are too busy doing gearing up for VBS, we have a huge problem. We have actually missed caring for the church in our effort to be the church.

If we do not get back to the basics of the church gospel proclamation and discipleship eventually our programing will fail. Our programs cannot restore the broken marriage, help the teenager overcome their eating disorder, and empower the child escape the burden of worry. The gospel preached through the mouths of our brothers and sisters can.

The German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer rightfully said,

The Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s Word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged, for by himself he cannot help himself without belying the truths. He needs his brother man as a bearer and proclaimer of the divine word of salvation. 

Because we desperately need our brothers and sister in Christ that God has given us, we must be willing to sacrifice all to have meaningful relationships with them. We must throw off every program that keeps us from living out the gospel together. Are you ready to deprogram your church?

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Christians, Don’t Listen To That Other Voice

voice-in-your-headWhen Christians make decisions, they fundamentally only have two options. Either they can listen to the word of God or they can listen to themselves.

Admittedly, many of the choices that we make in this life are not directly mentioned in Scripture. The Bible says nothing about whether or not a person should eat at McDonalds as opposed to Burger King. The divine text does not tell Christians to skip basketball for piano lessons. And, the scriptures tells us little about which sofa to select.

But the Scriptures address the heart attitudes behind such decisions. Philippians 2:3-4 tells us,

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interests of others.”

If we choose McDonalds even though our wife hates it, we have sinned. If we put our kid in piano lesson because the lessons will help her thrive we have done well. If we force our husband to buy the chair that he hates because we love it, we have sinned. The actually eating, playing, and buying are neutral. One can eat McDonalds having a great heart. Another can eat there with a selfish heart. By addressing the motives behind our actions, the Bible speaks to all of our lives decisions even the gray ones.

The Bible also speaks to the black and white issues. The Bible condemns sexual immorality, adultery, drunkenness, anger, and greed. If we choose these things, we sin and we must repent.

The question then becomes, “will we listen?” Will we obey the Bible even when it tells us to do things we do not like such as staying with our spouse, such as loving our dishonest coworker, and such as caring for our sickly mother-in-law? If we answer no and reject what God’s word says, we are left only with our own opinions. We have decided like the people of Israel of Old, that we know better. Yes, sin and slavery were never really that bad, where they?

Often our answers are not this blatant. We mask our disobedience behind wanting to be happy, behind the well wishes of our friends, and behind the norms of society. We cannot imagine that God will still disapprove of our actions after we won the support of our earthly friends. But he does. Sin by any other name is still sin.

Though our own opinions seem right, helpful, and able to expedite our goal of attaining a happy, fulfilled life, they will ultimately do none of the above. The apostle Paul said it this way,

“To set the mind on the flesh is death…those who are in the flesh cannot please God.” (Roman 8:6-8). If Christians disregard scripture if they shut out the voice of God and if make become their own god, they will not find joy. They will find death, bitterness, and despair. As Bonhoeffer said, “The basis of all human reality is the dark, turbid urges and desires of the human mind.” (Life together p.31.). Do not listen to this voice, however, appealing. Do not listen to the voice in your head that promises life and happiness apart from the commands of God. The promise is a lie. It is the promise the snared Adam and Eve and brought death into our world. It is the promise, the continues to destroy relationship after relationship.  And if you or I believe this promise, it will bring death to our lives. Do not listen to your mind and heart. Don’t listen to that demonic and alluring voice of death. Listen to God.

Will you stop listening to the voices in your head?