Peter Witkowski Parenting

Should We Be Quick To Buy Things For Our Kids?

should we give our kids stuff blogMost every parent has been there. You are walking down the store aisle minding your buisness when your child spots a brightly colored new toy. You feel the tug at your heart strings. You love your little guy and can see that the yellow ball with an odd bumpy texture is bringing him unlimited joy. But at the same time, you had not planned to buy him anything. But then you look back into those little eyes, and his kindly, sheepish grin breakouts. What do we do?

Well if you grew up in a situation similar to my background and to my wife’ background, we simply tell him,  “N..O… no.” Our parents had no quandary when we asked for them stuff because they had no money. “We can’t afford that right now,” was a common mantra for both of us.

But what if we do have money, what if we can afford to buy our kids a new toy or video game when they ask? Should we do it?

On the one hand, God says it is good to give gifts.  And, we should seek to imitate our heavenly father by giving our kids good things (Matt. 7:11). We should seek to loving care for our children by sacrificing our wants for their needs.

But before we rush to the checkout line with our kid’s new ball, we also need to think about what our new purchase will teach our child. Often when our child becomes fascinated with a new ball, video game, or pair of shoes, she is coveting. She is seeking satisfaction in something other than Jesus. And when we buy our kid the latest copy of Madden or the new pair of Nike’s, we are helping him pursue his latest idol. We are enabling him for a brief moment to find his happiness and identity in something other than Jesus.

And of course our kids will love us when, we give them what they want. They will try to reward us with hugs, complements, and an occasional day of good behavior. They always like it when we help them achieve their idols.

But often giving our kids the things they want is not the most loving thing a parent can do. Satisfaction, happiness, and joy are only found in Jesus. As Psalm 73:25-26 says,

Whom have I in heaven but you?

    And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

    but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever

Consequently, we want to parent in such a way that our kids are taught to find their satisfaction in Christ. We should not throw money and time behind their every desire. We should rebuke a greedy, covetous heart and redirect it to Jesus.

And here is another thing to remember. Even if our kids get everything they want on earth, they will not be happy. Life is found is God and not in video games, shoes, or travel teams. Earthly things will eventually disappoint. Games will become outdate, shoes wear out, and travel ball eventually becomes boring. If you doubt me, just think about how many of your kids’ toys you’ve already gotten rid of.

Now I am not saying that you should never give your kid a gift. And I am not saying that we can always prevent our kids from misusing the things we give them. What I am trying to get at is this: the decision concerning whether or not to buy our kids something is bigger than the size of our budget. It goes to a heart issue. We should be willing to lovingly deny our kids things for the sake of the gospel. Love is not fulfilling our kids’ dreams. Love is pointing them to Jesus. Are we doing this?

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

3 Ways To Reach New Parents

young-families

To reach the next generation with the gospel, we have to reach parents. And one of the best ways to reach parents is to value the things they value. The apostle Paul said it this way,

For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them (I Corinthians 9:19).

To win people to Christ, we must be willing to serve them and to meet their needs. While our acts do not add anything to the gospel, they make gospel proclamation clear. In other words, the message exists but it needs a strong signal to connect with people. If we want to have a strong signal, we must seek to serve others. We must seek to serve young families. In my experience, young families are looking for three things after determining a church’s love for the gospel: cleanliness, security, and relationship. To reach young families we must have clean facilities, promote safety and value relationships.

1. New parents love the smell of Lysol. It proclaims to the world that your church takes germs seriously. New parents also love seeing fresh paint, clean new toys, and fresh books. When I first came on staff at FBCE, my wife and I visited all the nursery rooms. The new born baby room had an external broken pipes in the ceiling and holes in the wall. We both looked at each other. As our eyes met they quietly screamed, “There is no way, we are leaving a baby in here.” Thankfully FBCE understood this principle. The church now has a brand new facility with a great baby room. But the point still remains. If new parents think your facility is dirty or see that every book in your nursery room is ripped in half, they probably will not come back. We will lose opportunities to share the gospel if we have dirty facilities. Value cleanliness.

2. Most every parents comes to our church doubting our ability to care for their child. This lack of trust is not our fault nor indicative of poor parenting. It is human nature. Parents love their kids and rightfully slow to hand over some of that responsibility to the church. We must win the parents’ trust. We must prove to them that we our facilities and programs take their children’s safety seriously. We must show them that we love their kids from beginning to end. Towards that end, we must run background checks and vet our volunteers. We must have check-in and out procedures that keep track of the kids at all times. We must keep proper ratio’s in place at all times. We must make sure 4th graders are not playing dodge ball in the room while babies crawl on the floor. If parents do not think our church is safe, they will not return. Value safety.

3. Young parents value relationships. They want to feel connected. They want to be part of the church. If we want new families to come to our church, we must be ready for them. We need to great them with a smile, help them get acclimated to our church, and walk them to their kids’ rooms. And while we teach and watch their kids, we need to take the time to get to know the kids, asking questions about their hobbies, school, and family. We also need to respect the parents’ wishes if possible. If they want you to get them after little Johnny has cried for 10 seconds, then we go ahead and page them. When the parents come back, we need to tell the parents how much we enjoyed meeting their child mentioning specific details about the child’s day and/or lesson. And it would not hurt for us to ask them to lunch! Value relationships.

All three of these things are ongoing. We are always cleaning, improving safety and building relationships. You never “arrive” in kids’ ministry. But if we spend time, money, and energy cleaning, protecting, and building relationships, we will have more and more chances to share Christ. Are you ready for new families?

Peter Witkowski Vacation Bible School

3 Truths That Make VBS Survival Possible

VBS is an amazing week. It’s also an exhausting week. On VBS nights, I celebrate the end
of the day, with silence. Just the sofa and silence. After a few minutes, my mind is able to reboot from its recent information overload. VBS can knock off the best of us. And if we are not careful, we all might need to spend some time recuperating on a counselor’s sofa, talking about our childhood. To keep that from happening and to find joy during VBS, I have encourage you to join me in meditating on these three Biblical Truths:

1. Remember Joy Does Not = Comfort

Often when life is hard, when there are extra bills, or when the pipe breaks, we assume vbs-blog-2that God is angry with us. We assume that our suffering is directly tied to the verbal barrage we shot at our kids the other night. Thankfully, our God does not work this way. According to the scriptures, we often suffer not because of our sin but because God is working. As Romans 5:3 says, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,” Suffering is for our good. So if the kid who bites, yells, and throws punches winds up in our VBS class, we can still be joyful. That mean kid is here for our benefit. He is here to helps us get closer to God. And he is at our church to be exposed to the grace of God even it comes via discipline.

So are you having a rough day, night, or week at VBS? Take heart. God is at work. You can have joy because the source of our joy, God, never disappoints. Even the hard knocks we are going through right now have a purpose. Rejoice!

2. Don’t compare to others

Because we are people, we love to compare ourselves to other people. We ask: “Who has the better decorations? Who is the most artistic teacher? Who is the most fun? And, who is winning the most souls?” The simply solution is stop. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 3:7, “Neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.” Why are other teachers more popular than you; why do other churches have bigger VBS’s; and, why do other people get to lead more kids to Christ? The answer is simple. God is working. God is the one who saves. God is the one who gives the increase to that class or to this church (Mark 4;26-27). Admittedly, it’s more fun to reap the harvest than to plant the crop. Both tasks are important. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, and complaining, let’s be thankful that God is working in his church. Let’s boast in him (I Cor. 1:31).

Now, I am not against learning from those who do things better than us. Nor am I excusing sloth. But at the end of the day, we are charged with teaching the word of God and loving others as ourselves (Rom 10:17). If we have faithful taught the Scriptures and lived the Christian life, we are doing what God has called us to do. The results, the size of our VBS harvest is given by God (Mark 4:26-27). Don’t compare yourself to others.

3. Stay Focused on Heaven

Dealing with the girl who constantly trips, pushes, and verbally assaults other kids is not easy. In fact, such kids can make VBS seem downright pointless. But we must not give up. As Paul says in Galatians 6:9 “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season vbs-blogwe will reap, if we do not give up.” If we remain faithful to the word of God, we will reap eternal life. We should not be serving in VBS to impress the kids, our friends, or our pastors. We should serve in VBS because the Holy Spirit is working in us. He is motivating us “to do good to everyone” (Gal. 1:10). And when we are tempted to tie up a kid and toss her into the closet, we give her grace. We work with her because our reward is not a calm night and peace. Its heaven. And if we keep sowing according to the Spirit, we will reap fruit. We will reap eternal life.

And, we will reap blessings here on earth. We will see kids come to Christ. We will see people changed by the gospel. It may not happen today. It may not happen this week. And it may not happen this year. But it will happen. If we sow according to the Spirit, we will reap blessings. Don’t let a hard night or week distract you. You are children of the king! Don’t give up!

 

Are ready for another day of VBS?