Peter Witkowski Discipleship

How Joshua Transforms the Way Christians Think About Dating and Marriage

 Most Christian stepping into the dating pool would not look to Joshua for dating or marriage advice. But they should. Moses’ second in command offers Christians a profound and yet often overlooked piece of advice that will save believers from a life time of heartache.

Joshua’s Advice

With the famous battles of Jericho (where the walls came tumbling down) and of the Valley of Aijalon (where the sun stood still) complete, Joshua understands that his leadership of the nation of Israel is at its end. As Moses before him, Joshua the now elder statesmen ends his reign with a farewell address that encourages the nation of Israel to “love the Lord your God (Jos 23:11).” While that sentiment can be found all throughout Scripture, what comes next proves unique to Joshua and will not be picked up again until Paul pens his second letter to the Corinthians. Joshua’s next instruction consists of an order that prohibits the Jews from embracing the cultures and religions of their pagan neighbors. However, Joshua’s warning looks not to geopolitical structures but to the marriage bed. Joshua instructs the Israelites not to “make marriages with them (Jos 23:13).” Though many Christians have dated the bad girl or accepted a proposal from the bad boy in hopes that they would intime redeem their significant other, Joshua says the opposite happens. Joshua says of the bad girls and boys, “they shall be a snare and a trap for you, a whip on your sides and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from off this good ground that the Lord your God has given you (Jos 23:13).”

To marry an unbeliever is to unite one’s soul to hardship, suffering, and judgment. The unredeemed spouse will turn the believer’s church attendance into a burden, her parenting into a battleground, and her finances into a point of constant tension. The unequaled yoked believer will wake up every morning to find him or herself trapped in a loveless marriage that must be endured until the spouse dies, leaves them, or commits adultery (1 Cor 7:15). As the Disciples noted in Matthew 19:10, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” In short, those believers who knowingly join themselves to an unbeliever join themselves to a lifetime of being whipped and stung.

Given the hardship that comes with uniting oneself to a sinner, Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:30 should be applied to the dating context: “And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” Do not unite your soul to a living hell; do not knowingly date, get engaged to, or marry the unbeliever. Do not embrace sin and thereby lose your life if not even your soul. Run in the opposite direction. To quote Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 (the passage that picks up Joshua’s early warning): “14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?”

Will You be Different?

I suspect some who have arrived at this sentence still believe that their relationship will be different. Their significant other is not all that bad and is truly searching or profoundly spiritual. Moreover, you have promised the Lord that you will not stop praying, never stop talking to the boyfriend about God, and never stop urging him to church. With God’s help, this time will be different. He will change. Your faith will not waiver.

Again, the testimony of the Scriptures is clear. The marrying of unbelievers leads to ruin. Solomon who built the temple turned his back on the Lord because he had become one with multiple pagan women. The author of 1 Kings offers the following commentary on Solomon’s sin, “For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.”  Because of Solomon was unequally yoked, Solomon ends his life surrounded by rebellion, hardship, and afflictions (1 Kings 11:4). He felt the whippings and thorns of God. You will not do better. Do not listen to your heart. Heed the life-giving warnings of Scripture.

An Important Exception

While this blog has been focused on those who willfully enter marriages with unbelievers, I also recognize that not all believers married to unbelievers have done so intentionally. Some believers repented and believed post marriage. Others tied the knot believing in their heart of hearts that their spouse was saved and then tearfully watched that profession disintegrate into open rebellion as their marriage unfolded.

In both cases, the Scriptures offer hope and encouragement to the trapped spouse. Paul encourages these men and women to remain in their marriage if they are able because “the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy (1 Cor. 7:14-15).” Sometimes, God ordains the unequal yoking of some believers so that they might keep the unbelieving spouse from falling further under the influences of sin and that they might evangelize their children. And if the unbelieving spouse decides to leave them, the believer is free to remarry. To quote Paul, “In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace (1 Cor 7:15).” Though such marriages will prove hard as one is still in union with a fool, God is not against said brother or sister but is rather glorified by their faithfulness. He will sustain and will not afflict.

But I also encourage my readers not to pit God’s word against itself. God’s grace and mercy for those in such difficult situations does not negate the warning of Joshua, Paul, or King Solomon. Those who willfully go against the command of the Lord and date, get engaged to and marry an unbeliever will not find heaven on earth. They will find hell. Still, God will sustain you. He will be faithful, but life will be hard.

A Caution to Sisters

Dear sisters, if you are concerned about a man’s lack of faith as evidence by his failure to attend church, to cultivate the spiritual disciplines (prayer, bible reading and fasting), to encourage you in your faith, and to guard your physical purity, do not continue to date him. Do not contemplate marriage to him. He is a fool, an unbeliever, and destined for a fool’s punishment. To quote Psalm 10:4: “In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, “There is no God.” Do not attach your soul to a man who will lead you into sin and sorrow. Happiness is not ultimately found in relationship, sex, or marriage but in the Lord. Love him with all your heart.

A Caution to Brothers

Dear brothers, if you are concerned about a woman’s spiritual immaturity as evidenced by her lack of interest in spiritual conversations, her abandonment of the spiritual disciplines, her lack of church attendance, or her open embrace of sexual sin, I encourage you to flee from her. She too is a fool destined for fools’ punishment and will bring harm to your soul. As Solomon knew from personal experience, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife (Prov 21:9).” The man who marries an unbeliever because she is beautiful, gives him a sense of worth, or promises sex will live to regret his decision. To quote Solomon again, “Like a good ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion (Prov 11:22).” Do not marry a pig, surrender your soul to the evil woman, and endure a lifetime of the Lord’s chastisement. Happiness is not ultimately found in relationship, sex, or marriage but in the Lord. Love him with all your heart.

Final Thoughts

Dear brothers and sisters, if you hope to experience happily ever after, I encourage you to heed the warning of Joshua 23. Neither pursue nor encourage the pursuit of the fool and suffer a lifetime of chastisement and sorrow. Happiness, joy, and life are found in obeying the commands of God. To quote Solomon: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.  It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones (Prov 3:5-8).”

Dear single friend, heed the warning of Joshua; trust the Lord; don’t date or marry an unbeliever. Happiness and life our found in the Lord.  

Peter Witkowski Apologetics, Discipleship, Pain & Suffering

How Amos Helps to Shape the Christian Response to Wicked-on-Wicked Violence

When the world of sin and darkness turns in upon itself producing horrific results, Christians should neither rejoice nor participate in such evil. Rather, they should call both those attacking and those being attacked to repentance.

Two Nations Steeped in SIn

In Amos 2, the Old Testament prophet declares that the nation of “Moab shall die amid the uproar, amid the shouting and the sound of the trumpet (2:2).” The prophet’s listeners would have readily assented to Moab’s judgement. Moab which came into existence through incest (Gen 19:36-38) was forever and always at odds with Israel. They hired Balaam of talking donkey fame to curse the Jews as they entered the promise land (albeit unsuccessfully) and kept up the attacks long after Israel became a nation. One of Israel’s first judges, Ehud, famously delivered Israel from Moabite rule when he thrust a sword into the Moabite king who was so fat that “the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade (Jg. 3:22).

Though God’s declarations of doom against Moab were rather standard affairs by the end of the Judean empire, God’s justification for punishing the Moabites would have surprised Amos’ original audience. This time Moab will be destroyed for their sins against other sinners. Amos predicts that Moab will be burned with fire because it “burned to lime the bones of the King of Edom (Amos 2:1).”

Like Moab, Edom excels at persecuting the Jews. Amos chapter one records that the nation of Edom had partnered with Philistia and Tyre to betray and enslave God’s people (Amos 1:6, 9). Next, Edom took up arms and violently pursued the Jews to whom they were distantly related. The Edomites lacked compassion, loved evil, and delighted in opposing God and terrorizing the Jews. According to the prophet Ezekiel, the descendants of Esau rejoiced “over the inheritance of the house of Israel, because it was desolate (Ez 35:15).” Because of Edom’s sins, Amos reports that God “will send a fire upon Teman and it shall devour the strongholds of Bozrah (Amos 1:12).” As the prophet Joel notes, the cities of Edom would become in-turn “a desolate wilderness (Joel 3:19).” The prophet Obadiah concurs writing of Edom that it “shall be as though they never had been (Ob 16).

In short, Amos has declared that God will judge the wicked nation of Moab for having abused the wicked nation of Edom. The sin of one nation or people against another person or nation (regardless of how wicked said person or nation is) is never excusable. The Lord who rules over all will hold all to account for their sins, irrespective of their victim’s merits.

Lesson’s From The Fallen

Amos’ prophecy reveals that the proper response to Moab’s vengeance and Edom’s calamity is not rejoicing but warning. When false churches burn down, when cult leaders are murdered, or when one war lord is violently dismembered by another war lord, Christians should not sin against their enemies through misplaced rejoicing, a neglect of justice, or participation in said sins. Christians should not berate the followers of cults on X as they grieve the deaths of their loved ones. They should not turn a blind eye to the brother who murders an abortion doctor. And, they should not join those rioting because they disagree with a court’s unjust verdict. The sins of others never excuse or justify new sins, especially the sins of God’s people.

When Christians see a Muslim attacking a Buddhist, they should lovingly call both groups to repentance. They should call the one sinning to repent for God will judge their sins and hates their violence. And they should call the one being sinned against to repentance. While the attacked will not be judged for their attacker’s sins, they will still die for their sins…for their idolatry, cruel words, and rejection of the Bible. An even greater and more perfect judgement awaits all of humanity regardless of whether they are suffering or cause suffering. Anyone not covered in the saving blood of Jesus will spend eternity in hell. The suffering of the wicked should not move Christians to mock and attack the wicked when they hurt. Rather it should drive them to once again to lovingly call their lost neighbors and family members to repent lest they die.

The Wider Discussion

This response to the suffering of the wicked extends beyond Amos, aligning with the broader witness of Scripture. According to the Old Testament, God not only judges the wicked, he longs to see them saved. Decades after Amos had receded into the background, the prophet Ezekiel declared, “As I live, declares the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live (Ez 33:11)”

Such sentiments also align with the witness of the New Testament. When Jesus was asked about the horrific deaths of the Galileans who had their blood mixed with the blood of animals, the Messiah turned the conversation towards repentance, declaring, “but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish (Lk 13:3). Similarly, Jesus continues to delay the final judgment and the recreation of the universe because as the apostle Peter notes in 2 Peter 3:9, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” While God often uses one wicked nation or person to justly punish the wickedness of another nation or person, the Lord never delights in their sorrow. He desires to see all repent.

Conclusion

When Christians see the wicked attacking the wicked, they should not rejoice in the suffering of the wicked nor share in such sins. God does not rejoice in the calamity of the wicked. Those who faithfully follow the Lord Jesus Christ will use such moments to spread the gospel and to call those walking in darkness to embrace the light of Jesus. They will love their enemies.

Peter Witkowski Discipleship

Lessons from Nathan’s Rebuke: Effective Strategies for Christian Confrontation

Nathan’s rebuke of David in 2 Samuel 12:1-14 establishes both the need for rebuke (see: Rebuke: An Overlook and Yet Necessary Means of Grace) and the structural framework through which rebuke is most effective.

Don’t Tell Stories (Maybe)

To argue that Christian’s should model their rebukes on Nathan’s rebuke of David is not to claim that every rebuke should be built around a moving morality tale. God divinely inspired Nathan’s narrative. Our imaginations and our AI algorithms are not so inspired. For example, when Joab takes his turn at story telling in 2 Samuel 14 seeking to restore David’s relationship with Absalom, the general spawns a civil war.

Moreover, when Elijah confronts King Ahab, the prophet employs only imperatives, telling Ahab, “I have not troubled Israel, but you have, and your father’s house, because you have abandoned the commandments of the Lord and followed the Baals (1 Kg 18:18).”  Nathan’s introductory story proves to be descriptive instead of normative.  Thus, a story could be both helpful and unhelpful.

However, the principles behind imbedded in Nathan’s rebuke can and should be replicated by Christians seeking to restore their fallen brothers and sisters. As Nathan before them, believers should do the following four things when issuing a rebuke: they should identify sin as “sin”, affirm the goodness of God, warn of sin’s consequences, and offer mercy.

Identify Sin as “Sin”

In confronting David’s sin, Nathan drives for a hard edge. He does not suggest that David did something wrong nor ask him to mull over what he did and see if he will do something different next time. Nathan dispenses with all nuance and labels King’s adultery and murder as “sin.” The prophet tells David, “You have despised the word of the Lord to do what is evil in his sight…You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife (2 Sam 12:9-10).”

For our rebukes to be both just and effective, we must show the David’s in our lives that he or she has transgressed not only our sensibilities but the very words of God. Moreover, where the Bible proves clear and unnuanced, the followers of Christ must also be clear and unnuanced. Sleeping with someone other than your spouse (Eph 5:5-6), disobeying one’s parents (6:1), or telling crude jokes (Eph 4:29) are not misjudgments or the byproducts of biology. They are sins. And if we hope to see a sinner repent, we must help the sinner grasp the sinfulness of their actions. Men who see no sin will see no need to turn from his sin. To quote C.S. Lewis, “A man who admits no guilt can accept no forgiveness.”

Affirm the Goodness of God

After establishing sin as sin, the believer should disarm the sinner’s primary defense mechanism with a refresher course in God’s character. Since the beginning of time, humans have been blaming God for their failings. Adam said God was the one responsible for humanity’s fall because after all Eve was God’s idea (and not Adam’s). Adam lamented, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate (Gen 3:12).”

Before David can join Adam in the blame game, Nathan reminds King that God has giving David everything he could ask for and more. The prophet declares on God’s behalf, “‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul. And I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your arms and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah. And if this were too little, I would add to you as much more (2 Sam 12:7b-8).” David did not sin because the Lord failed to keep his promises. He did not sin because his other wives had neglected him or lost their youthful sex appeal. He did not sin because he had a hard upbringing or had suffered trauma on the battlefield. God had protected him, sustained him, and blessed him at every turn and been with him in every hardship. David sinned not because God had forgotten him but because David had forgotten God.

What was true of David is true of every believer overrun with sin. God has withheld nothing good from us nor anything essential for our spiritual well being. Psalm 84:11 reminds us, “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” We have no excuse for surrendering to temptation.

I am not arguing that the Lord gives us all that we desire. We often desire wrong things and good things in wrong ways. Moreover, life is ultimately not found in earthly blessings such as marriage and financial security but in being with Christ. Jesus will give us everything that we need to be with him in paradise if we will but ask. As Paul reminds us, he “is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us (Eph 3:20).” In other words, we fall into sin not because God is deficient but because our faith is deficient. The Lord is good.

Warn of Sin’s Consequences

Though the Lord will forgive David and all who repent, Nathan still reminds David of the consequences of his sin: “because by this deed you have utterly scorned the Lord, the child who is born to you shall die (2 Sam 12:14).”  At first glance, this punishment appears unjust. The son should not die for the sins of the father. But such a reading grants David far too much power.

The child’s death was not caused by David’s sin. The child would have died no matter what David did or did not do because the child descends from another father: Adam. As the Apostle Paul notes in Romans 5:12, “sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.” David’s son, like all sons of Adam, dies because he had a nature like Adam. David’s sin does not create death. It shortens life.

The same proves true of sin today. It’s consequences reach far beyond the sinner’s immediate life. For example, Children of divorce are 33% more like to live in poverty than those with intact families (Get Married). Children with parents in prison are more than 40% more likely to struggle with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and a wide spectrum of health issues from migraines to obesity. Sin always produces the fruit of sorrow and destruction.

To effectively rebuke others, we must help them appreciate the deadly consequences of their sin so that they can grasp depth and width of their sin’s true cost. Confession can and does prove costly. Confessing fraud could lead to one’s firing, confessing an affair could wreck one’s marriage, and confessing abuse could lead to imprisonment. An effective rebuke will lay out the full cost of one’s sin so that the believer can appreciate the wickedness of their sin and thereby be turned from it. The goal of rebuke is for the David in our lives to understand that they have “sinned against the Lord (2 Sam 12:13).”

Offer Mercy

Lastly, Nathan offers David the hope of divine forgiveness. Though the consequences of David’s sin remain, the Lord’s judgement does not. Nathan reports, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die (2 Sam 12:13b).” God’s forgiveness explains both why Christians should use rebuke and why those in sin should heed those rebukes. Everything David lost because of his sin and its consequences will be regained in heaven. In other words, David will go to his son because a future heir of David will be born in a manger, resist all temptation, and then die on the cross and rise again thereby canceling the record of sin and death.

Like, Nathan we too should remind the David’s in our lives of the goodness of God’s mercy. Though our sins maybe large, complicated, gross, and intricate, Christ blood is more powerful still. James the brother of Jesus offers the following comfort to the contrite soul, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you (James 4:8-11).” All who turn from their sin will be exalted to live with Christ. Like Nathan before us, we should infuse every rebuke with the promise of forgiveness and restoration.

Final Thoughts

Though these principles of confrontation come the Scriptures, their power lies not in our use of them but in Spirit working through them. David repents because the Lord opened his eyes. We cannot restore anyone in our strength. But we can faithfully apply the truth of God’s word to the David’s in our life, calling sin “sin,” affirming the goodness of God, warning of sin’s consequences, and offering mercy.