Peter Witkowski Parenting

Why’s Is Parenting God’s Blessings So Hard?

kids hard blogFew things beat being greeted by the sound of my son’s, “Hi..Da.da.”  And it is impossible to describe the joy that came with seeing my baby girl’s first smile. Kids truly are a blessing from the Lord. As Psalm 127:3 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” Quite naturally, we should long for our homes and street to be filled with playful little faces (Zech 8:5).

But at the same time, having little ones can in the home can be the ultimate challenge. They wake up all night long. They poop on our clothes. And they throw temper tantrums at the most embarrassing moments. In short, kids are a lot of work. And most every parent needs time away from their little loved ones to maintain their sanity.

The Great Dilemma

And so we face a dilemma. On the one hand, we love being parents. On the other hand, we can’t wait to get away from them. Talk to us one day, and we are ready to compete with the size of the Duggar family. Talk to us the next day, and we want to send all our one kids to boarding school in Switzerland. Why are God’s blessing so hard to parent?

Why is Parenting Hard?

The short answer is sin. Kids are a blessing. But the whole process of child rearing is tainted by sin. Think back to Genesis 3. Part of the sin’s curse is pain in childbearing. As God said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children” (Gen. 3:16). The scriptures anticipate that children can and often do bring pain to their parents as they grow up (Deut. 21:18-21; Prov. 17:25). If kids were naturally obedient, there would be no need for the 5th commandment. But it exists because kids kids hard blogapart from God’s saving grace will not want to obey their parents.  

So can we really consider kids to be a blessing? Yes. But as with all of God’s good gifts, kids are infected by sin. As a result, that which was originally intended to bring only blessing can now bring sorrow. Kids can cause pain, suffering, and sleepless nights. And kids are not the only blessing that has been turned on its head.

Think about wealth. Often wealth is a sign of divine blessing and favor (Deut. 28 1-8). But because of our sinful hearts, money and riches can lead us away from God. Wealth can make us self-sufficient, prideful, and standoffish. Wealth can spawn a ton of sinful habits. As Paul writes in 1 Timothy 6:10 “For the love of money is the root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”

What Do We Do?

So what do we do? Do we pretend that parenting is a cakewalk? Do we write off kids a burden and go travel the globe?

Well, we keep a biblical perspective. We count kids as divine blessings. One of the greatest honors we can get on earth is godly children (Prov. 23:24). But at the same time, we can confess that parenting is hard. And when we do, we aren’t bashing our kids. Nor are we denying the word of God. We are simply affirming that we live in a fallen world. We are affirming the reality that sickness, our kids’ hearts, and our hearts make parenting hard. And we are affirming our longing for the true rest that comes when Christ returns. And as we wait for that day, we have hope. The Holy Spirit is working in us to give us the wisdom, the strength, and the fortitude to parent well. We are not alone. God will deliver us! His grace is sufficient!

So can parenting be both the best thing ever and the worst thing ever? Yes. Kids are both blessing and sinners. 

 

Peter Witkowski Children's Ministry, Evangelism

Will Their Faith Make It To The Fall?

fall blog

Summer is kids’ ministry’s peak season. You have special events, VBS’s, and summer camps. Kids all over the United States will hear the gospel in a variety of setting ranging from mosquito filled fire pits to dodge ball filled gyms. And hordes of these kids will walk the aisle, raise their hands, and sign a card saying that asked Jesus into their hearts. Millions will claim they are now saved.

But will these good times last? Will these kids truly bear fruit, become missional teenagers, and turn into bible believing adults?  Or will they fall away, grow up malcontents, and write introspective books explaining how church camp missed it?

Often kids fall away because they believed the wrong thing. They trusted in a shrunken gospel. Because they never met Jesus, many kids will fall away from their faith as the leaves start to change color. As teachers, we need to make sure offer the complete gospel this summer

So what does a truncated gospel look like?

The Easy Gospel

Often a water down gospel looks easy. We simply call kids to accept Jesus as the savior without explaining the cost. We reduce the gospel to a repeat-after-me prayer, or to a hand raised while everyone closes their eyes. As a result, we zap the power right out of the gospel. We turn salvation into a game of follow the leader.

If kids (or anyone else for that matter) truly understand their sin, and the glories of God, they do not have to be spoon feed salvation. They do not have to be coaxed into a divine agreement. Those who love God, will willingly repent. You can’t find one example of someone being forced by the disciples or Jesus into believing. Jesus never told people to close their eyes and then raise their hands if they said a secret prayer.

I knew of one student who professed Christ at a revival. She prayed a repeat-after-me prayer. She walked the aisle while emotion music played. And, she filled out a card checking the “saved” box. She performed the salvation trifecta. She is now a number in someone’s newsletter. But, she did not get saved.

As I followed up with her, I saw that she never understood the gospel. She never grasped what it means to die to sin and to live for Christ. She never understood that to love God we must obey him (John 14:15). She simply followed the easy, socially acceptable path to salvation, seeking to please the adults in the room. She never repented and believed.

The gospel is not easy to believe or accept (Matt 7). The crowds that followed Jesus found the gospel offensive. The rich young ruler walked away from Jesus. The gospel is foolishness and a stumbling block (I Cor. 1:23). The solution is not to make the gospel easier to follow. Apart from the Holy Spirit no one can come to Christ. Our best efforts to save people can never replace the work of the Holy Spirit. The solution is to preach the full gospel and to trust God to do the impossible.

The Horror Film Gospel

We also short change the gospel by turning it into a horror Film. It’s easy to scare kids into professions. Spend a few minutes describing hell. Tell the kids the you are going to heaven. And then ask them who wants to escape damnation and join you in paradise. Most every kid will raise their hands. It’s the logical thing to do.

But in that moment, the kids have not embraced the gospel. They do not love Jesus. They simply want to get out of hell. And who can blame them. Hell is a real and very scary place. As a kid, I would pray for weeks at a time for God to save me from hell. But God never answered those prayers.

Salvation is more than just fire insurance. Salvation is trusting in Jesus. Salvation is loving and obeying the heavenly father. To be saved we have to want the gospel; we have to want Jesus. And once I confessed Christ as my Lord and God, he saved me. Salvation is about a relationship with the heavenly father. It is much more than a get out of jail free card!

We can scare a bunch of kids. But this will not get them to heaven. We need to offer them the full gospel!

The Full Gospel

The full gospel is the hard gospel. It is proclaiming that God is the creator,
that man sinned, that Jesus died to pay for our sins, that men and women must respond. The true gospel calls kids to repent while reminding them of the cost of dying to self. The gospel tells kids that they are ugly, horrible people in need of a savior. And it offers kids hope through the life and death of Christ.

We preach the gospel trusting God to work. And guess what? If the Holy Spirit awakens a little soul, we will not have to coax them into salvation. We will not have to pray the sinner’s prayer for them. Yes, we will need to teach them and disciple them. There is no salvation apart from the preached word of God. But once we preach; we are done. We don’t bring conviction and regeneration. The Holy Spirit does that work.

If you are looking for a great resource that explains the gospel, I encourage to grab a copy of Greg Gilbert’s What is the Gospel.

Final Thoughts

So will our kids’ faith make it till the fall? Did they embrace an easy or fearful gospel? Then probably not. But if they embraced the Jesus of the Bible, then yes! And big question we must all answer is this, “Are we going to offer the full Gospel to our kids this summer?”

Peter Witkowski Parenting

Should We Teach Our Kids To Pray?

kids-prayWhen I was five-years-old, I fervently prayed for a little sibling. I hated being the youngest in my family. The idea of a having a younger brother or sister sounded cool. I could play with a baby, the old people would stop telling me how cute I was, and there would be someone else to blame for my messes. By God’s grace, my little sister was born. So did God answer my prayer? Did he answer the prayer of a little unconverted preschooler?

How we answer that question has huge implications for how we raise our kids. The answer to the questions shapes how we teach our kids to pray. So…did God answer my prayer?

The answer is:

How Prayer Works

As one theologian said, prayer is “Our response to God as he speaks to us.” Our ability to reach the ear of God is tied to the work of Christ. To cry “Abba Father,” we must be members of God’s family.  God listens to our prayers not because we are impressive. He listens to our prayers because we are in Jesus. The Father always hears the prayers of his son (John 11:41-42). Since we are sons with Jesus, we can be confident that the Father hears us as well. When Christians pray to the Father, he does not see dirty sinners. He sees sons redeemed by the death of Christ on the cross (Gal 4:6-7). Our ability to reach God is directly tied to our identification with his son. If we have not died to our sin and if we have not been risen again, then we cannot reach God.

Moreover, prayer is based upon the word of God. Good prayers are passed on God’s Word. We ask God to fulfill his will. Those who do not believe the Word, cannot meaningfully speak to God (I John 5:14-15). Yes, sinners can ask for things selfishly. But, they cannot ask for things according to the scriptures that they have rejected. They cannot respond appropriately to the Word of God.

In short, every unredeemed man, women, and child is unable to access the throne room. They are not sons of God but slaves to sin. Most of their prayers but one goes unheard. So did God answer my prayer? No.

What Do We Tell Our Kids?

Should we every encourage our kids to pray? Yes and no. Yes, it is good for kids to learn how to pray. It is good for them to confess to God that every good gift comes from above. By recognizing God’s authority, they may avoid the prideful boasts that doomed both Nebuchadnezzar and Herod. One went nuts; the other died boasting.  Prayers like the following: “I thank you for mommy, daddy, grandma JoJo, the dog, and basketballs, Amen” are good and proper offerings. They help kids understand their relation to their divine creator.

Even more importantly, kids should pray because salvation comes through prayer. When one believes, he cries out to God the Father for salvation through the Holy Spirit. The new believer confesses Christ through prayer. Because prayer plays such a key role in salvation, parents should introduce their kids to prayer. And parents should encourage their kids to pray for forgiveness. Parents should teach equip their kids to cry out to God.

Limited Focus

And now for the negative. While Parents should encourage prayer, they must also place biblical limits when and how their kids pray. Because unsaved kids cannot reach the throne room of God, we should not charge them to pray for the family, to pray in church services, or to pray for those in need. We should let unredeemed sinners (even the cute ones) offer prayers for in our stead. God will not hear those prayers. Rather as believers, we should pray alongside or in place of our children for specific requests and needs. And then, we should explain to our kids that Christ only hears the prayers of his children. In short, keeping a proper perspective on childhood prayer will lead to more gospel conversations with our kids.

Closing Thoughts

So did God answer my prayer for a baby sister? The answer is no. But I still have a little sister. What happened?  God had planned to bless my family with my little sister. He did in fact work out his plans through the prayers of my mother and other believers. But he did not answer my prayer. I had no part in his divine will.  And while it is good for us to teach our kids to pray, we must always remind them that only the sons of God can reach their father.

How do you handle prayer in your family?