Peter Witkowski Book Reviews, Parenting

Bad Therapy: A Review

Parents and those passionate about equipping the next generation for adulthood should read “Bad Therapy.” The book challenges many popular parenting assumptions, arguing that most children do not need more therapy but more of their parents parenting. As the book’s author, Abigail Shrier notes, children, “aren’t weak – unless you make them that way. They’re remarkably sturdy and naturally very strong (217).” In other words, today’s children need loving and yet strong parents.

Admittedly, I do not agree with the totality of Shrier’s argument. She does not reason from a Christian worldview. She encourages her readers to reconnect with their cultural heritage and the natural order, neglecting the importance of biblical instruction. For example, she reduces successful parenting to the following maximum: “That’s all a happy childhood is: experiencing all of the pains of adulthood, in smaller doses, so that they build up immunity to the poison of heartache and loss.”

She also somewhat ironically puts forward a few logical fallacies in chapter 2 as she seeks to show the nonsensical nature of our therapeutic culture.  

Despite those concerns, the main thrust of her argument should be headed. Her diagnosis and even many of her solutions reflect the realities of nature and parallel biblical principles. Shrier argues that this generation’s excessive self-focus, willingness to allow teachers to playing therapist, endless talk of trauma, and embrace of gentle parenting, and other unproven therapeutic principles has produced a generation of confused, miserable, and angry children. The therapeutic culture has also left the “nice” and empathetic parents miserable and anxious because their kids “are frequently contemptuous of them (170).” Instead of listening to parenting experts (many of whom failed to recognize the danger of smartphones), Shrier encourages parents to lean into the parenting traditions of their communities and to firmly and lovingly…well parent. To quote Shrier, 

“How do you know whether to put your thirteen-year-old in therapy? Simple: don’t take your kid to a shrink unless you’ve exhausted all other options…In all but the most serious cases, your child is much better off without them. In all but the direst of circumstances, your child will benefit immeasurably from knowing you are in charge – and that you don’t think there is something wrong with her (247).“ 

But don’t take my word for it, I encourage you to read her argument for yourself. 

Peter Witkowski Parenting

Churches need Families and Families Need Churches

Christians should champion and defend the family because it serves as foundation for all civic institutions. At this juncture, Christians find great commonality with the advocates of natural law who assert that the family is the foundational building block of society. A quick scan of the Scriptures reveals that the family existed before any other human institution. Adam and Eve walked about the Garden of Eden, petting animals thousands of years before Paul started sailing around the Mediterranean planting churches. Similarly, the philosopher John Locke believed couples mated and formed families long before tribes, cities, and nations began to dot the English countryside. Both worldviews proclaim that the family is the most basic, simple, or natural societal unit. To quote the great Puritan Pastor, Richard Baxter, “The Life of religion, and the welfare and glory of both the Church and the State, depend much on family government and duty.” The family sets the trajectory for both all of society. When family units break down, the church descends into chaos and society falls into anarchy.

Following this thinking many in the church have assumed that the church was birthed out of the family. But while this line of thinking aligns with the naturalistic understanding of the universe, it proves incongruent with narratives of creation, fall, and redemption found in the Scriptures. Christians need to reexamine the purpose of the family in light of the church.

The Fall Reshaped the Family

When God created Adam and Eve, he did not stick them on a desert island. He placed them in the garden of Eden in community with God, indicating that God sustained the family through tabernacling with them. The creation mandate to be fruitful and multiple was a mandate to bring all the earth under the glorious and full rule of God. Adam and Eve were not expanding human society apart from God. They were expanding the tabernacle to encompass the whole earth. In short, they were to turn the globe into a grand church, a grand garden.

Sadly, the first couple never fulfilled their mission. They listened to the snake and plunged the world into death. The effects of Adam and Eve’s sin radical altered every aspect of the natural order from economics to gardening. As expected, the family unit fell under the corruption. In Genesis 3:16, God tells Eve, ““I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.” Redemption could not be found through genetics, marriage, and procreation. A new family was needed.

The Spiritual Family

Jesus came as the new Adam to be the first born of many brothers and sisters. He created a spiritual family that called men and women to be “born again” by the spirit through faith (Jn. 3:7). In Mark 3:35, Jesus defines the spiritual family according to belief proclaiming that, “whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.” This exchange proves more than permissible This new family picks up the creation mandate of the first Adam. The new Adam has commissioned his new family, the church, “to go and make disciples of all nations (Matt 28:16).” In the church, the new spiritual family once again resides in community with God for the purpose of glorifying him through kingdom expansion. The keys to God’s kingdom have been given to the church. 

The Family Church Relationship

The nuclear family still remains the important foundational block of human society. From the family arise culture, society, and government. Civil society cannot exist without mom, dad, Jimmy, and Sally.

The institution also works in tandem with the church to support spiritual flourishing. A faithful marriage provides both the husband and the wife countless opportunities to experience God’s sanctifying power as they learn to love one another. Children remain a blessing from the Lord providing couples with social connections and economic security.

The fruits of marriage also facilitate evangelism. To perpetuate the gospel, Christians need to reach children. Procreation, adoption, and foster care all beautifully facilitate the great commission through family framework. The goals of the Christian family align with the mission of the church, and the mission of the church should align with the goals of the family.

Lastly, the family serves as a good gauge of the a culture’s health. When families descended into relational chaos, both society and the church should take note for the gospel is not going forward and chaos stands ready to invade our culture (Micah 7:6).

The Limits of the Nuclear Family

But for all of its benefits, the biological family cannot rightfully claim to be the foundation of the church. Though the family and the church support each other, Jesus is the bedrock of the church. A wife can come to faith apart from her husband and a husband apart from his wife. The arrival of children also does not instinctively produce faith in either the parents or the children as seen in the legacies of Cain and Nimrod. Salvation comes through the preached Word administered by the local church in coordination with the sacraments. As Baxter noted, the church through the ministry of the pastor upholds “the world, to save it from the curse of God and to perfect the creation, to attain the ends of Christ death 112).” The church supports and redeems souls.

Thus, Paul can encourage singles “to remain single, as I am (1 Cor. 7:7).” Both the married couple and the single adult can glorify God through worship and love of neighbor. Moreover, in the new heavens and the new earth, family structures will pass away. But our identity in Christ will remain. The church sustains the family which in turn helps to sustain both the church and the culture.

Conclusion

The new covenant established by Christ’s death and resurrection has fundamentally altered the definition of God’s people. The family of God is no longer defined by biology. It is defined by the Spirit. The church is the bride of Christ. We should not neglect the local church for our families. Rather, we should locate our families in the church, hoping to guide them all into Jesus’s family. The garden came first and then Adam and Eve.

To fix society, we must advocate for health churches, which in-turn will produce healthy families that produce healthy churches and healthy societies. In other words, those who are Christians must recognize and teach that the Christians understanding of family differs from the natural law view of family.

Peter Witkowski Children's Ministry, Summer Camps

Memo: Summer Schedule and Interns

summer-memo

Today, ABC will be shifting away from its summer intern program. ABC has cherished its relationships with its past interns. Last year’s interns, Katelyn and Elyse, have a special place in our hearts because they loved both our ABC church family and the Witkowski family well, writing notes, playing, and sharing the gospel. I can say with certainty that Katelyn and Elyse were true encouragers and rightfully hold a special place in the hearts of many of ABC’s members.

ABC began 2019 with every intention of continuing the Summer Internship program. April and I and many others of worked tirelessly to recruit interns for this summer, posting the position to several universities job boards and reaching out to contacts and potential interns in Virginia, Georgia, Arkansas, Kentucky, Alabama, Florida, Kansas, New York, and Minnesota. We also shared the position repeatedly on social media. Though a handful of college students expressed initial interest, none have been able to commit to the internship. Consequently, ABC has decided to suspend the internship program for the summer and will reevaluate the program going forward. Ultimately, ABC would love to host one to two pastoral interns during the school year (September – May) believing a yearlong internship would foster deeper and longer relationships that would both bless ABC and the intern. The intern would work with the families of ABC, preach, visit, and study the Word and hopeful receive seminary credit through Southern Seminary or one of its sister’s institutions.
Though this summer has not played out as ABC planned, we know it has played out as God intended. Even in our disappointment, we can be sure of Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” We know Summer 2019 will be the best possible summer that we could ask for because our loving, gracious and good God reigns! We are excited to see God work in the days ahead!
In place of the ABC Kids program, ABC will be launching Wacky Wednesdays. On June 19, July 10, July 17, July 31. On those fours Wednesdays, our families will meet at ABC at 9:30 AM and will head out to Jump four really cool locations! For more info, click here

We also will be investing in the lives of our adult members, launching a new Bible Study! More information will be coming soon!

Church family get excited summer 2019 is almost here!