Biblical Counseling – Witkowski Blog

Christians typically either grab a magnifying glass or their broom when they discover that their pastor is no longer above reproach. Those in the detective camp pour over the disgraced man’s sermons, his aloof interpersonal skills, and his propensity to arrive five minutes late to everything hoping to create a diagnostic that will save them from future hurt. Those with the brooms take the opposite approach and attempt to sweep away all thoughts of the hurt. They refuse to talk about the sin and work hard to return to normal, excusing, overlooking, and ignoring the scandal. Though common, neither response aligns with scriptural principles. As seen in David’s response to the news of King Saul’s death in 2 Samuel 1:17-27, the appropriate response to the sin of God’s anointed consists of mourning the effects of his sin, hating the cause of his sin, and then celebrating good that God accomplished through this failed leader.

Mourn the Effects of His Sin

Though about to be king himself, David does not begin his lamentation with a leadership autopsy but with mourning. David laments the death of Saul because it obscures the glory of God. According to David, the Philistine women, the most vulnerable of God’s enemies, are gleefully mocking the one true God (2 Sam 1:19-20). They assume that God’s inability to save Saul reveals that God is weak and unable to give his people victory over their enemies. And now the enemies rejoice because they believe that the God of Israel is just another powerless deity crafted by human imagination to suppress and inspire the simple. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob needs no longer be feared or obeyed.

Understanding the confusion caused by Saul’s sin and death, David does not endlessly tweet about event or post YouTube videos discussing how to prevent future failures. He does not invite the world into the problems of God’s people but longs for the event to fade from the public consciousness so that God might once again be worshiped in spirit and in truth. David hates the Saul’s fall from power because it leads the wicked to false conclusions about the God of the universe.

Instead of pointing to the ineffectiveness of God, the revelation of a pastor’s sin points to the credibility of God’s promises. It serves as a foretaste of God’s coming judgement when “whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops (Lk 12:3).” In other words, the rightful removal of a pastor through church discipline pictures God’s final judgment – that moment when all men and women are judged for their actions. In short, God always gets his man irrespective of his degrees, experience, and ministry footprint. Earthly embarrassment and punishments picture heavenly justice.

But what David understands, the world misses. Thus, David longs for the public discussion around Saul’s death to come to quick and timely end and thereby silence the mockery of the gentiles.

Mourn Causes of His Sin

While David wants the world’s focus on Saul’s death to be short, he does not sweep his own sorrow and hurt under the rug. Feeling the weight of Saul’s sin, David expresses a deep hatred for the events that led to Saul’s death. David goes so far as to pronounce a curse saying, “You mountains of Gilboa, let there be no dew or rain upon you nor fields of offerings (2 Sam 1:21)!” In so doing, David does not blame the mountain for Saul’s sins. As noted in 1 Chronicles 10:12, Saul deserved death because he had “broke faith with the Lord in that he did not keep the command of the Lord, and also consulted a medium, seeking guidance.” In cursing the mountain, David desires the destruction of every action that led to Saul’s downfall. In the same way, Christians should so hate the sin that led to their pastor’s removal that they curse the innocent laughs that led to an affair, the covetous urge for better vacations that led him to steal, and the lust for power that led him to abuse his staff. They should allow their pastor’s sin to provoke within them a fresh hatred of sin and a fresh commitment to pursue righteousness. Instead of pretending that their pastor’s sin did not profoundly wound them, Christians have the freedom to mourn these scars.

Celebrate the God’s Goodness

But believers should not remain forever in grief. Rather, they should continually move from grief to thanksgiving. In 2 Samuel 1:23-26, David praises the Lord for Saul, noting that Saul fought bravely with Jonathan and brought about an economic boom for God’s people. David encourages the daughters of Israel to, “weep over Saul who clothed you luxuriously in scarlet, who put ornament of gold on your apparel.” In other words, David blesses the Lord for using an evil king to advance the kingdom of Israel.

Similarly, men and women should praise the Lord for using unfaithful men to advance the kingdom of God. Though a pastor disqualifies himself, men and women can still praise the Lord for using that man to bring to them to faith or for using that pastor to restore their marriage. The power of the gospel resides not in a man nor in a particular pastor’s office but in the Lord. And if the Lord uses a deeply fallen man to advance his kingdom and to bring you spiritual good, praise the Lord for his faithfulness. Do not meditate forever on the man’s failure. End your meditations upon the faithfulness God who uses both the wicked and the righteous to advance his kingdom.

Without question, a greater good is accomplished by those who live out the truth that they teach. David rightfully feels a much closer bond to Jonathan. He encouraged David’s faith whereas Saul defied God and attempted to kill David. Still, David ends his lament for both men on the same note. He praises the Lord for using them to advance his kingdom: “Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely (2 Sam 1:23)!”

A Quick Warning to the Sauls

But in praising the Lord for the good that Saul accomplished, David does not provide justification for sinners and abusers. Rather he entrusts the judgment of the wicked to the Lord who declared in Deuteronomy 32:35 that, “Vengeance is mine.” No unrepentant pastor, elder, deacon, Sunday school teacher, or a parent will be able to defend their slander, greed, or sexual abuse on judgment day with an appeal to their kids’ success, their church’s growth, or the doubling of their budget. Those outcomes will have no effect upon their eternal destiny. Those who live in their sins will die in their sins. They will know nothing of the blessings that came so near to. Take the words of Matthew 7:21-23 to heart,

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.”

Though God uses the wicked to advance his kingdom, such usage grants no one access to Jesus’s throne. To quote the Puritan Joseph Alleine, “You must part with your sins or with your soul; spare but one sin and God will not spare you.” Pastor do not follow Saul, spare your sins, and die under God’s righteous judgment.

Final Thoughts

Scholars believe the ancient Israeli army used David’s lament in 2 Samuel 1:17-27 as a marching song. Imagine them chanting the refrains on their PT runs or as they rushed to the front line. The lament’s common usage as well as the New Testament’s drum beat against false teaching reveal that pastors will continue to fall until Christ return. Nothing can immunize us from the possibility of future betrayal and hurt. But even when those dark days come, God will still accomplish his holy will (Rom 8:28). We need not become preoccupied with analyzing pastoral failure. Nor should we not excuse it. Rather following David’s example, we should mourn the effects of his sin, mourn the cause of his sin, and then celebrate God’s faithfulness. In other words, may we forever and always find our hope in God who will never fail us!

The soul enraptured by sin loves secrecy. Instead of exposing its sins for all to see, the slave to sin seeks to hide his or her errors under a rock. If the soul mentions his or her sin, it often invites only one or two others into its dark circle of despair, requiring its inner circle of spouses, counselors, pastors, and close friends to keep its deeds confidential until death do us part. “Don’t tell anyone,” says the faint heart.

Despite the pleas of their friends, Christians cannot grant others complete confidentiality in perpetuity. To overcome sin, Christians must not depend upon one friend, or pastor, but upon their church family. God charged the entire church to be “devoted to one another (Rom 12:10), “to instruct one another (Rom 15:14),” and to “encourage one another and build each other up (1 Thess. 5:11).” We must not grant secrecy to the discouraged soul. Rather we should rally the forces of the church around them. Paul instructs us “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them (Eph. 5:11).” The good counselor, friend, and pastor will push the hurting sheep out of darkness of confidentiality into the light of Christian fellowship.

Formal counseling or discipleship exists because Christians lose their connection to faithful sermon. As E.M. Bounds notes, “Preaching is God’s great institution for the planting and maturing of spiritual life.” When sin takes root in a believer’s heart, he or she either intentionally or unintentionally cuts himself or herself off from the pulpit, “the of a church’s discipling ministry.” The wounded, isolated soul enters and leaves the Sunday service unchanged by truth and in danger of destruction. As Bonhoeffer notes, “You cannot hear Christ because you are willfully disobedient.”

As Deepak Reju has noted, Christians cut off from the power of the sermon should be rushed from the battle line of Christian service to the counselor’s hospital tent. Away from the pressing attacks of this world, the counselor and/or pastor can revive the downcast soul, applying the anointments of God’s grace to their wounds. Through the private administration of the Word and prayer, the pastor confronts the counselee’s sin. As the spirit grips his or her heart, the sinner will confess sin and experience the freedom of Christ afresh. The repentant soul can once again draw life changing power from the sermon. It can return to the frontlines of the spiritual battle. Bonhoeffer sums up counseling or discipling as being that which, “springs from the sermon and leads one back to the sermon.”

In short, counseling exists not to hide the counselee from the body of Christ but to return the counselee to the body of Christ. As the counselee reengages the community he or she should wisely share his or her struggles with other parts of the body foster support, encouragement, and rebuke.

Even if the counselee is resistant to gospel change and finds gospel change hurtful, he or she still needs the help of the local church.

Matthew 18 declares that those who refuse to respond to the Scripture’s admonishment to put off sin should be confronted by two friends. If that fails, the counselor must involve the whole body. Jesus declares,

If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (Matt. 18:17).

When the counselee repents of his or her public sins, the whole church should extend forgiveness, seeking to encourage him or her (2 Cor 2:5-11). The counselor can facilitate the counselee’s relationship with the church. But the counselor cannot be the church.

Some may fear, the revealing of their struggles to trustworthy Christians will lead to their embarrassment and shame. But the Scriptures paint a different picture. God declares, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Cor. 10:13).”

No situation will shock the godly. They know the darkness of their own hearts and the power of Christ to liberate them from their sins. They do not shame you but encourage you to righteousness. Bonhoeffer notes,

Anybody who has once been horrified by the dreadfulness of his own sin that nailed Jesus to the Cross will no longer be horrified by even the rankest sin of a brother…In the presence of a psychiatrist I can only be a sick man; in the presence of a Christian brother I can dare to be a sinner.

Christians should not hide their sins, struggles, and fears. They should wisely confess them to those who will lead them back into the fellowship of the church through the forgiving power of the cross. Allow the spiritual believers to restore you.

Admittedly, not every Christian possess a character worthy of trust. Christians should not pour out their soul to the foolish or to the spiritually immature. If someone might tweet, text, or upload a TikTok video about your problem, do not confide in them. Rather confided in those who preach and live the word .

Sadly, not every pulpit contains life sustaining truth. At times, men and women look for discipleship outside the door of their local church because their pastor preaches dead sermons. And as E.M. Bounds notes, “dead sermons kill.” In such situations, the congregation must act, removing those elders who fail to obey the Word of God. If the Christians cannot remove their elders who distort the pulpit, they should seek churches that foster cultures of discipleship through the right teaching of the Word. Discipleship should always occur within the context of the local church. Christians should not rest until discipling truth fills their worship center.

To experience spiritual growth and transformation, men and women must leave the shadowy intimacy of the counselor’s office and embrace the happy light of the body of Christ.

Are you ready to surrender your confidentiality?