September 22, 2015September 23, 2015 Peter Witkowski Apologetics, Discipleship, Evangelism, Parenting

The Forgotten Culture War

When you hear the term “Culture War” what pops into your mind? Gay activists yelling on the steps of the Supreme Court, Christians praying in front of abortion clinics, or perhaps politicians arguing for the removal of a nativity set? Typically, we don’t think about little Johnny lying to his mom. But, we should.

A World of Lies

Every cultural and spiritual battle is ultimately a battle of truth. Think back to Genesis 3. The snake deceived Adam and Eve. Sin arrives via the snake’s lie that God is not good. And sin continues to spread via the lie.

We get angry when we pick up another loss in fantasy Football or when our spouse forgets to empty the dishwasher, because we think victory or an empty dishwasher will bring true happiness. For that moment, we believe a lie.

And we spread lies because we don’t want to insult grandma’s cooking or because we don’t want to suffer the penalties that come with embezzling from our boss. We believe that lying will helps us avoid consequences. But it doesn’t because the perfect Judge sees everything and will hold us accountable when he returns.

Not too surprisingly our world which is ruled by the father of lies, Satan, is dominate by liars. Some researchers estimate that 1 in 5 adults are habitual liars. And this is not a new trend for these grownups. Around 90% of people master the art of deception by the time they turn 4. It turns out that the little white lie is not so little after all. It’s a plague that infests our culture.

Why Kids Lie

As parents, pastors, and lay leaders, we should not be surprised to see kids lie. It happens all the time because most kids are living a lie. Many kids live for good grades, for softball championships, or for having tons of friends. They believe that something other than God can will make them happy. As the apostle Paul wrote, they as are all unrepentant sinners controlled by “deceitful desires” (Eph. 22).

Kids living for a lie will quite naturally be liars. They will lie about report cards and about breaking the lamp. Out of the heart the mouth speaks. When kids have corrupt deceptive hearts, lies will pour out of their mouths. That’s all they know to do.

The solution is truth. First, we have to begin telling the truth. Many kids keep lying long after 4 because their parents lie. “Honey, tell Grandma I’m in the shower.” We have to be faithful truth tellers in our everyday life. Jesus is, “the way the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). To follow him we must proclaim the truth. We must tell others that Jesus is the only way to heaven, and we must take grandma’s phone call.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. – Eph. 4:25

Next, we have to confront our kid’s lies. Their lies are not cute or insignificant. They may be bizarre. I had a young family member once tell numerous people that Shamu ate him. Please don’t start punishing kids for being fanciful, but do help them understand that such stories are not true. Even at an early age, kids can learn that truth resides in God and cannot be made up. Reality cannot be remade on a preschooler’s whim. And that which is unnatural cannot be made natural by the Supreme Court. We need to help our kids understand the limits of imagination when confronted with God’s reality.

And lastly, we must discipline our kids for deliberate lies. I lied all the time as a kid, including doctoring my 6^th grade math report card for an entire semester. Needless to say my parents were surprised to see that my standardize test ranking was in the 60^th percentile. Yeah, turns out all those A’s were not so real after all. I spent the next several summers doing summer school. And as I wrestled with my punishment, I was acutely aware that I was sinner. By punishing me for my lies, my parents took on the lies that were controlling my heart. They showed me that true life and happiness is not found in escaping school work. It’s found in Christ.

By confronting a child’s lie, we can reach past their verbal message to the core of their heart. By championing truth in our homes, we show our kids that they need the savior of truth.

If we want our kids to embrace what the scriptures say about sex, abortion, and money management, we have to affirm truth in our lives and homes. Only truth of Christ can overcome lies of the snake.

October 22, 2014February 10, 2015 Peter Witkowski Apologetics

Accepting Pedophilia

For the last few years, I have quietly told people that the next big battle of the sexual revolution will be over our children. The rationalization, decrimination, and societal acceptance of pedophiles seemed to be years away. I thought it would be the pressing issue of my son’s generation. However, the recent trends seem to suggest that the push to normalize sexual interactions between adults and minors will shortly become a mainstream issue. As Christians, we need to ready to address the issue of pedophilia.

Staying Current

Late in 2014, the famous novelist, John Grissom, stoked the flames of the discussion by defending adults who downloaded child pornography. He sees no reason to imprison guys for few unwise clicks. After all he said, “These people haven’t hurt anybody” (Oldenburg, 2014)

Sadly, Grisham is not alone when it comes to mainstream thought. The famed Atheist, Richard Dawkins agrees with the author. Reflecting on his own experiences of being molested by a male prep school teacher as a child, the scientist concluded,

I don’t think he did any of us any lasting damage (Singh, 2014).

Defining Pedophilia Today

According to WebMD, “A pedophile is a person who has a sustained sexual orientation toward children, generally aged 13 or younger” (Martin). (The age at whence a preference is an expression of pedophilia or normal sexual behavior has not been firmly established). Though there is still some debate over whether pedophilia should be mentioned in the same breath as “gay, straight, and bi-sexual,” the inevitability of its arrival as a sexual orientation is not in question. The Harvard Mental Health Letter concluded back in 2010 that, “Consensus now exists that pedophilia is a distinct sexual orientation, not something that develops in someone who is homosexual or heterosexual” (Pessimism About Pedophilia, 2010) Moreover, almost every mental health representative thinks that a person’s attraction to a child cannot be cured. Perhaps, it can be controlled with therapy. But the disposition towards loving children cannot be undone. As a recent New York Times article made very clear, lusting after a child is not inherently wrong because it is a natural phenomenon. The editorialist wrote,

A pedophile should be held responsible for his conduct — but not for the underlying attraction (Kaplan, 2014).

The only question keeping pedophilia from wide cultural acceptance is the question, “Should sex between a child and an adult be deemed appropriate conduct?” The answer is increasingly becoming a yes.

Researchers contend that adults should only have the freedom to engage in sexual acts that do not lead to the, “the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner” (Martin). To be deemed acceptable, pedophiliac actions would have to result in positive experiences for all involved. Over the past 20 years, researchers have begun noticing that Richard Dawkins view is more normative than most Americans thing. One researcher concluded from a meta-study (compiled from 1998-2000) that sexual encounters between adults and children do not, “cause intense harm on a pervasive basis regardless of gender (Rind, Bauserman, & Tromovitch, 1998).” In other words, if a boy or a girl entered willingly into the experience, the child often viewed the experience positively. As another supporter of pedophilia Tom O’Carroll said in a recent interview,

It is the quality of the relationship that matters. If there’s no bullying, no coercion, no abuse of power, if the child enters into the relationship voluntarily … the evidence shows there need be no harm (Henley, 2013).

The Path Towards Acceptance

In 2014, pedophilia was deemed by psychologists to be a natural, human condition that does not necessitate harm against children. Furthermore when the sexual expressions of pedophiles are limited to consensual encounters, their actions are increasingly seen as being “harmless” if not even a positive experiences for children. How long can a secular society devoid of Christian undergirding resist the urge to legalize pedophilia? After all, isn’t it another expression of love? And who are we to tell others who they can and cannot love?

I fear the discussion and the resulting acceptance of pedophilia will continue to gain momentum. And here is why: According to a 2004 study by the U.S. department of Education, almost 1 of every 10 public school kids will be sexually harassed by a school employee (teacher, principal, coach, etc.) (Shakeshaft, 2004, p. 20). And even more troubling, 6 of every 100 kids will have some type of physical encounter with a school employee (Ibid). In other words, 6 out of every 100 kids in our schools will be involved in sexual acts with a pedophile (Ibid). This is a lot of children and adults (not to mention those involved coaches, family members, clergy, other adults and children not associated with the public school system).

Despite all the marches, protests, and controversial judicial rulings, homosexuality is becoming a normative part of American society mostly because we all have a likeable neighbor, teacher, or sister who is a homosexual. When it comes to American sexual ethics, familiarity breeds acceptance.

Though a different issue, I don’t think it’s farfetched to believe that pedophilia will follow the same trajectory. One day soon, we will probably all know someone who has participated in a pedophiliac action. When that time comes (it may be here), will the members of American society really want to punish what they deem to be a natural and often loving behavior? Will Americans really want to send their “often professionally accomplished and even celebrated” adult brothers, neighbors, and coworkers to prison” for crimes of loving passion (p. 31)? As Sarah Goode, one of the leading researchers supporting the reclassification of pedophilia commented,

We outlawed homosexuality, and we were wrong. Perhaps we’re wrong about paedophilia (Henley, 2013).

Are we wrong again?

A Christian Response

As a Christian who affirms the Bible as the inspired word of God, I believe the answer is a resounding, “No; we were not wrong.” We should uphold the scriptures and oppose the spread of both homosexuality and pedophilia (and all other sins). The question facing Christians is not one of love or of practicality. Paul condemns the Corinthian man who slept with his stepmom without care for the two’s emotional state or rational (I Cor. 5:1-2). The question for Paul and for all Christians is: “What does God say about sex?”

According to the divine scriptures, God says that sex is designed to occur within the confines of a marriage between a man and a woman. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). God’s Genesis command is reaffirmed by both Christ and his apostles (Mat 19:5; Mark 10:7; Eph. 5:31). Any other sexual action that occurs outside of a loving, monogamous marriage relationship, whether tied to pornography, fornication, homosexuality, or adultery is sin. And every time we depart from God’s plan for sex, Holding Hands relationships are broken, people suffer both emotionally and financially, and God is dishonored (Brandon, 2009, pp. 114, 135).

Since pedophilia is an attraction to an age type, it often cannot be expressed within the confines of marriage. As the child becomes an adult, the pedophile will have to find a new and younger lover. God’s plan calls for monogamy. “So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:15b). As Christians, we are to find our sexual satisfaction in our spouse until death do us part.

Sadly, some of the relationships between a minor and an adult occasionally end in marriage. But the marriage of a pubescent child to an adult, contradicts the Biblical idea. A 12-year-old child cannot leave and cleave to their new spouse who is some 20 years their senior. Studies indicate that children enter into a relationship with an adult viewing the adult as their new parent (Shakeshaft, 2004, p. 33). Moreover, the child cannot manage a house, adequately care for children (and in some cases they are not even physically ready to reproduce), or provide for their families. Consequently in pedophiliac relationships, men and women are not leaving their parents to start a new family. Rather, kids are being manipulated into embracing new parent who offers sexual favors. We must oppose pedophilia.

Dear Parents

As parents, we must also frame the sex conversation for our kids. As they approach puberty, we need to help them understand that sex is natural, good, and enjoyable. Then, we need to help them understand that sex is designed by God to be experienced within the safe, stable, and loving paramiters of marriage. If our kids grasp the Biblical concept of sex, they will be bettered prepared to resists the advances of pedophiles, understanding that all offers of sex prior to marriage are wrong. Though it may be awkward and uncomfortable for us to talk about the birds and the bees, we need to help our kids understand sex. If we do not, the world will, and it will not go well for our children.

Hope For A Broken World

Lastly, we should also offer hope to our lost and dying world through the love of Christ. The phycologists, the pundits, and the professors all say there is no hope for pedophiles. They can manage their symptoms, but they can’t change. How depressing! But these claims are only partially true. Yes, people cannot change their desires! But, God can!

If we trust in Christ, God will make us new creations! He will radically cause us to put off our sinful desires and embrace righteousness. Notice what Paul says in I Corinthians 6:9-11

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Such were some of you! Churches are made up of sinners who were once trapped in all kinds of sins (self included). We were all hopeless, unchangeable at one point. And then God changed us! I understand that some men and women are predisposed to be pedophiles. Their natural, sinful tendency is to lust after children. But there is hope. God can redeem such desires. The dead can be brought to life. Pedophiles can be changed!

Now admittedly, some believers may still be tempted to lust after children post salvation. Addressing sexual sin, Pastor Sam Allberry writes,

We continue to struggle with sin. Temptation does not cease. The full healing and deliverance we long for are not promised this side of creation (p. 50).

Though temptations may not end (and I may not think it wise to let some people serve in our children’s ministry) desires and their resulting action do change by the power of Christ. As long as we have time, we have the hope of change! Let’s care for troubled souls by offering them the hope of Christ.

Works Cited

Allberry, S. (2013). Is God Anti-Gay. The Good Book Company .

Brandon, G. (2009). Just Sex: Is it ever just sex? Nottingham: Inter-Varsity Press.

Henley, J. (2013, January 2). Paedophilia: bringing dark desires to light. Retrieved October 9, 2014, from theguardian.com: http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jan/03/paedophilia-bringing-dark-desires-light

Kaplan, M. (2014, 10 5). The Opinion Pages. Retrieved 10 6, 2014, from http://www.nytimes.com: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/06/opinion/pedophilia-a-disorder-not-a-crime.html?_r=1

Martin, L. J. (n.d.). What is Pedophillia . Retrieved 10 9, 2014, from http://www.webmd.com: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/explaining-pedophilia

Oldenburg, A. (2014, 10 16). John Grisham: Child porn senences often too harsh . Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.usatoday.com: http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2014/10/16/john-grisham-child-porn-white-guys-prison-harsh-pedophiles/17344755/

Pessimism About Pedophilia. (2010). Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2010/July/pessimism-about-pedophilia

Rind, B., Bauserman, R., & Tromovitch, P. (1998). A Meta-Analytic Examinaiton of Assumed Properties of Child Sexual Abuse Using College Samples. Physchological Bulletin, 22-53.

Shakeshaft, C. (2004). Educator Sexaul Misconduct: A Synthesis of Existing Literature. Hutington.

Singh, A. (2014, 6 14). Richard Dawkins in storm over ‘mild date rape’ tweeets. Retrieved 10 16, 2014, from http://www.telegraph.co.uk: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/10998498/Richard-Dawkins-in-storm-over-mild-date-rape-tweets.html

October 2, 2014October 14, 2014 Peter Witkowski Apologetics, Pain & Suffering

Left Behind: The End Is Just The Beginning

With the bounce of a cheetah, I jumped out of bed and was out the door. Much to my despair, the rest of my family was not behind me. With my heart pounding, I banged on the hotel room door as the fire alarm seemingly blared louder and louder in the background. Knowing that safety was still six floors away, I wanted all of us to start our descent as quickly as possible. Nothing scared my little soul more than the possibility of dying in a fire. The very idea of feeling my skin being cooked by a red, hot flame and of my throat being stuffed with scratchy smoke chilled me to the bone. The only thing scarier to me than expiring in a burning hotel was the thought of spending an eternity in the flames of hell. Although it turned out to be a false alarm, experiences like this always caused me pray a little more fervently for salvation.

Starting on this Friday, the Left Behind movie starring Nicholas Cage will inspire kids all across America to pray a little harder. The fear of losing a parent, of crashing into car, or of being the victim of senseless violence will resonate with many a small heart. And our kids should be scared of God’s wrath and of separation from his love and mercy. But, one of the downsides of Hollywood dramatizing God’s judgment is that little minds tend to forget God’s mercy even when it is given screen time. Left Behind will undoubtedly be spawn more nightmares than peaceful dreams of heaven. As parents, we always need to ready to balance the stories of God’s anger with the comforting hope of salvation.

As a child, I was truly afraid of judgment and ran around with a good deal of childhood angst. At times, I would ask God to save me for weeks on end. But nothing changed. I was still the snotty, little kid who loved himself to the point of annoying his older brother and disobeying his parents. I did not want to spend eternity in hell. But, I also was not all that excited about the possibility of spending an eternity with bunch old people singing out of my church’s hymnals. Fear did not lead me to love Jesus. I just realized heaven was the better (no eternal fire) of the two rather sullen options and was trying to get there.

What eventually brought me to Christ was the beauty of our savior. At the age of 14, I realized that by dying to my selfish desires, I would finally live. I no longer wanted a “get out-of-jail-free card.” I was no longer scared that the things of the world were passing away. Let them pass. I wanted Christ (I John 2:15-15). I loved Jesus and happily submitted to him.

Yes, salvation starts with an awareness of our sin. As Matt Chandler says,

Bad news is the backdrop against which the good news really shines – (Chandler & Snetzer, p. 12).

To preach Christ effectively to our kids, we must help them understand that they are sinners in need of savior. To some degree, I’m sure Left Behind will help us hammer home the truth of judgment with pervading force of the big screen. But, we must remember that this picture is only the beginning of the story. We should help our kids shift their graze from movie screen violence to the glories of heaven. We need to remind them of God’s grace and goodness. By his stripes we can be healed (I Peter 2:24). By his work on the cross, we can escape hell. But salvation is so much more than escape from punishment. It’s happiness, joy, hope, and the ability to be good, kind, and loving. It’s being with the God of the universe! Regardless of whether or not you allow your children see Left Behind this weekend, decide today to consistently show your kids both the ugliness of their sin and beauty of God’s mercy!