Parents and those passionate about equipping the next generation for adulthood should read “Bad Therapy.” The book challenges many popular parenting assumptions, arguing that most children do not need more therapy but more of their parents parenting. As the book’s author, Abigail Shrier notes, children, “aren’t weak – unless you make them that way. They’re remarkably sturdy and naturally very strong (217).” In other words, today’s children need loving and yet strong parents.
Admittedly, I do not agree with the totality of Shrier’s argument. She does not reason from a Christian worldview. She encourages her readers to reconnect with their cultural heritage and the natural order, neglecting the importance of biblical instruction. For example, she reduces successful parenting to the following maximum: “That’s all a happy childhood is: experiencing all of the pains of adulthood, in smaller doses, so that they build up immunity to the poison of heartache and loss.”
She also somewhat ironically puts forward a few logical fallacies in chapter 2 as she seeks to show the nonsensical nature of our therapeutic culture.
Despite those concerns, the main thrust of her argument should be headed. Her diagnosis and even many of her solutions reflect the realities of nature and parallel biblical principles. Shrier argues that this generation’s excessive self-focus, willingness to allow teachers to playing therapist, endless talk of trauma, and embrace of gentle parenting, and other unproven therapeutic principles has produced a generation of confused, miserable, and angry children. The therapeutic culture has also left the “nice” and empathetic parents miserable and anxious because their kids “are frequently contemptuous of them (170).” Instead of listening to parenting experts (many of whom failed to recognize the danger of smartphones), Shrier encourages parents to lean into the parenting traditions of their communities and to firmly and lovingly…well parent. To quote Shrier,
“How do you know whether to put your thirteen-year-old in therapy? Simple: don’t take your kid to a shrink unless you’ve exhausted all other options…In all but the most serious cases, your child is much better off without them. In all but the direst of circumstances, your child will benefit immeasurably from knowing you are in charge – and that you don’t think there is something wrong with her (247).“
But don’t take my word for it, I encourage you to read her argument for yourself.
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