May 8, 2014July 8, 2014 Peter Witkowski Discipleship, Pain & Suffering, Parenting

When Things Go Bad

With sincerity deeply set inside his eyes, Alex bubbled with excitement as he described God calling him to minister to the internationals our youth group had been serving the past ten days. As we reflected upon our time spent in VBS and building projects, Alex seemed to be only a brief four year stint in college away from becoming a sold out missionary. As we all came down from our spiritual high, Alex took off for college. He never returned to church. Instead of missions, he embraced a life of sexual exploits and familial chaos.

Up to this moment, our discussion of salvation, baptism, and parental responsibility has assumed a positive outcome. Namely, all of our discussions assume that our children will get saved. And though salvation is the goal of godly parenting, it’s not the guaranteed outcome. We don’t simply push ABC and get S. Regardless of how hard we try, we cannot manipulate God into saving our children or friends via our good works. God must save.

And often God does not. Study after study has shown that Alex’s story is increasingly representative of the Millennial Generation. More than half of the children born during the 1980’s and early 1990’s to Christian parents have left the church (Ham, Beemer, & Hillard, p. 25). Now, we are asking, “What do we do when things go wrong?”

Admittedly, I have only recently been granted full access into the parenting club. I cannot speak to this issue as a parent. Rather, I address the topic as a fellow believer who has been given several opportunities to minister to those who have rejected the gospel for sin. If you are looking for wisdom from those who have ministered to a rebellious child, I highly recommend the book, When Good Kids Make Bad Choices, by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jim Newheiser. Without further ado, let’s look at how to handle the realities of unbelief.

Don’t Ignore Reality

Perhaps the hardest thing for families and friends of unbelievers to do is to admit these lost souls are lost. Perhaps to avoid this heavy burden of misplaced shame or to excuse our need to loving confront sin, many of us walk around saying that the marijuana crazed son, or the daughter with the live-in boyfriend are still good, God loving people. After all, they used to go to church and they did get baptized. We don’t know what happened. Most likely, they are just a little confused.

Friends, the Bible does not say these souls are confused. It declares them to be unregenerate; they are lost. The apostle John clearly lets us know that “they went out from us, because they were not of us” (I John 2:19) Our children and friends did not leave the church and embrace sin because they are confused Christians. They had a form of religion for a time. But they left because they never experienced the power of salvation. They may know the Bible but they do not know Christ. The clearest sign of unbelief is open abandonment of the church and the doctrines of grace. The apostle James writes, “Friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God (4:4). If your loved one cherishes the sins and philosophies of this world, they are not saved. There is no faith without obedience.

If we want to see our children and friends embrace Christ, we must clearly, compassionately, and consistently call them sinners. If we do not call them to repentance, we may avoid conflicts and blunt their rejection. But, we will blind them the hope and mercy of God.

Although I know there are many contributing factors to the numbers listed below, I believe Christians who excuse and/or ignore their loved ones sins have unwittingly destroyed the integrity of the Christian faith. Today, 65% of young adults identify themselves Christians. But only 6% of them actually believe in the God of the Bible (Rainer, pp. 232-33). Let’s not excuse a person’s lack of faith and make them a son of hell twice over. Let’s remind our sons, daughters, and friends that they are sinners in need of real, life transformational repentance.

Cling To The Hope of Christ

I also understand calling your children or friends “sinners” is a heart wrenching task. And watching a loved one reject the faith is discouraging. Yet, we all have hope. Our suffering at the hands of disrespectful teens is not the end of the story. The harsh conversations, the sleepless nights spent questioning our ministry strategies, and the unanswered texts are being used by God to make us into a stronger Christian. I know that no Christian longs for suffering, but the pain caused by our children or friends is for our good. Paul says that “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:4-5). If our children or friends have or are in the process of walking away from the faith, take heart.

Hopefully the situation will be for the benefit of our loved one. God often bring us low so that we can see our need to embrace Christ as savior. Think of the parable of the prodigal son. But the family drama is ultimately for our benefit. We will come out a stronger and more complete believer. And yes, it will be difficult, and yes, you may feel like you’ve been pushed to the breaking point. A few pencils may snap and a cell phone maybe thrown against the couch before it’s all said and done. But we will achieve victory through the power of Christ. You and I will survive this hardship because God does not fail! He upholds us; he is the basis of our hope. God has done all of the hard work. Believe on the Lord Jesus. God the Father will be glorified as you daily become more like Christ.

Get Inspired By God

Remember to love. When God saved us, we were his enemies, destined to be judged forever and condemned to hell. We were completely unlovable. Nothing made us seem attractive to God. Truthfully, we really don’t find each other all that attractive. I doubt any of you would sacrifice your son or daughter so that I could life. And I’m not offended. I would never think of letting either of my two sons die to save you. Yet, God in his mercy saved us by covering our sins with the blood of his son. This is a radical life altering love that is so huge that it cannot be grasped by our human minds (Eph. 3:19). Oh what love we have felt!

When we feel tempted to write off our children and friends with a puff of self-righteousness, we need to remember how our heavenly Father loved us. Since God loved us while when we despised him, how can we not show this love to our unrepentant children and friends. I know it’s not an easy task. But we can do it. We must do it. As Christians, we are called to forgive as we have been forgiven (Col 3:13). Even though our biblical advice is rejected, we continue to love these lost souls by encouraging them when they excel at work, by supporting them financially when appropriate, and by always being willing to offer them a kind hug or a soft shoulder. Although we should never directly fund a drug addiction or other sinful habits, we must always be seeking ways to love our children and friends. We are to love them with the love with which Christ has loved us.

Nothing is Impossible

Often when our family devotion fails or our discipleship program has disappointing results, we tend to think God has failed. Nothing is further from the truth. We may have failed if we inaccurately presented the gospel or if we blunted the power of the gospel by living sinful lives. But God is still at work. Salvation via you and me is impossible, but with God nothing is impossible.

This is not to say that we have a guarantee that God will save every child raised in the church. People often think Proverbs 22:6 is a promise. The verse reads: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Simply teach a kid Jesus and he will get saved. But this cannot be right. If we claim a good discipleship program saves, then we save people through human effort. God said salvation by through human effort was,” impossible” (Mat 19:26). The verse must mean something else.

The Proverbs are not promises to be claimed. Rather, they are short statements that reflect general Biblical truth about life. Generally speaking those who have been trained in godliness will not depart the faith. And, we do often see God saved children who have believing parents. However, there are exceptions to these general rules. Think of Jehoshaphat’s family. The ancient King brought revival to his kingdom. But, his son did “What was evil in the sight of the Lord” (2 Chron. 20-21). Not every child who grows up in a Christian home will become a Christian.

But with God nothing is impossible. Jesus can and does save the lost and dying. Just think of Paul he was actively arresting and having Christians killed. Yet, God saved him. If God can save Paul, he can most certainly save our children and friends. Even in the darkest of hours, hope in God! Plead with him to save your loved one!

Going Forward

Today the youngest Millennials are finishing junior high. The window of opportunity to reach this generation through family worship is on the verge of disappearing. But the ability of parents to evangelize and disciple this generation is not coming to an end. Almost 90% of America’s largest generation looks to their parents for guidance and advice (Rainer, p. 55). And 88% of these young adults think their parents are a positive influence (Rainer, p. 245). In other words, adult children value parental guidance. Parents, reaching the next generation for Christ is only a cellphone call, a Skype conversation, or Facebook message away.

The End

As we wrap up the Baptism Class For Parents, I want to return to where I began. Parents, God has given us an unprecedented ability to reach our kids. Whether your child is a wiggly infant or sitting calmly in a cubicle, God wants you to reach them for Christ. Admittedly how we go about reaching our kids depends a great deal on their age and the nature of their heart. But the fundamental principles that underlie our interactions with the next generation remain the same. We pursue Christ with our heart, soul, and mind. Then we share our passion for God with our children via prayer time at the dining room table or a quick text message (Duet. 6:4-9). Certainly, we will make mistakes, misdiagnose our child’s heart, and will struggle at times. But ultimately the salvation of our children doesn’t begin or end with us. God saves. Regardless of where we and our children are, nothing is impossible with God!

Works Cited

Ham, K., Beemer, B., & Hillard, T. (2012). Already Gone: Why Your Kids Will Quit Church and What you can do to Stop it. Green Forest: Master Books .

Rainer, T. S. (211). The Millennials: Connecting To America’s Largest Generation . Nashville: B&H Publishing Group .

March 17, 2014July 28, 2024 Peter Witkowski Pain & Suffering, Parenting

Caring For Those In Crisis: A Pastor’s Response To Zack’s Death

This past Friday, the Mayberry folksiness of Eastman was jolted by the depths of evil. The story of how three-year-old Zack was cruelly beaten to death has brought sadness to most every home in the area. And now as his family and the community grapple with the tragic death of this beloved toddler, the questions of “Why,” “How,” and “What now” begin to fill our brains. We want to know, “Where was God” on Friday, March 14, 2014.

How to Care For the Community

God was sitting on his throne in heaven (Col 3:1). He was not caught off guard. Nor was he in heaven wishing he could intervene but lacking the power to act. Our God had the power to stop little Zack’s death. He also had the power to save my son from death last summer. But he chose not to appear either on March 14, 2014 or on July 16, 2013. Although none of us fully sees into the mind of God, the Bible does reveal why Jesus delays his return and allows evil to go on unchecked in many forms.

In 2 Peter 3:9-10, we read that, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” Jesus hasn’t come again because he wants to save sinners. When Jesus returns to earth, he will descend with a flaming sword to judge the wicked. Once he breaks through the clouds, sinners will have no hope of salvation. Consequently, God waits not because he has forgotten justice, not because he powerless to stop evil, and not because he cares little about human suffering. He waits so that he can extend grace and salvation to the lost.

As believers, we should long for Jesus to return, praying for him to come quickly and end the violent suffering that Zack and many others have experienced. On that glorious day, babies will no longer die; old men will not tire (Isaiah 65:20). Until then, let’s redeem these evil days by proclaiming the gospel to a lost and dying world. When Jesus was asked in Luke 13 about why certain men suffered a violent death, he responded by calling men and women to repent. When our community asks about this tragedy, let’s share the gospel. Christ is coming back! “The day of the Lord will come like thief and the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed” (2 Peter 2:10).

How to Care For the Family

I confess that I have no idea what Zack’s family is experiencing. But the scriptures do provide Christians with a framework for ministering to those who are suffering. Below are nine principles to follow as we seek to minister to broken hearted,

Be with those suffering. The first step towards ministering to those who are grieving is to grieve (Rom. 12:15). Jesus wept when he went to see Lazarus (John 11:35). Job’s friends understood this principle as well, initially sitting with Job in silence for seven days because they “saw that his suffering was very great” (Job 2:13).
Meet physical needs. The best way to demonstrate our love of God of others is to practically minister to those in crisis (Matt. 4:10; James 2:18).
Don’t assume you know why a person or family is suffering. I do not know specifically why I or others suffer. And quite frankly, no human being can know “why” apart from divine revelation. To presume to know the divine reasoning for why someone suffers and why someone else rejoices is the height of human arrogance. By appointing yourself god, you will only bring despair and pain to those who are hurting. God’s thoughts are far higher and better than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). Resist the temptation that overcame the disciples in John 9 and Job’s friends.
Do not encourage sin. In many physiological circles people are told to get angry with God when they suffer. However in scripture, we are told to respond with faith and trust (Proverbs 3:5). We should hate all human sin and mourn the fallen pains of nature. But we should not encourage those who are suffering to blame God as Job’s wife did. Rather, we should encourage them to be like Job and not “sin or charge God with wrong doing” (Job 1:22).
Point the broken hearted to the God who comforts the weak. Romans 8:28-39 is by far one of the best passages for developing a theology of suffering. But I would not open to Romans initially. Begin with God’s goodness. Offer the hurting expressions for their grief and reminders of hope by turning to Psalm 23, or Lamentations 3:1-26, or Psalm 34. Remind them that God is here and will care for his children.
Encourage them with the truth that babies and innocent children are taken to heaven at death. David was able to stop grieving for his dead son because he knew his son was in paradise (2 Sam. 12:23; I Kings 14:12-13).
Speak truth in love, seeking to edify. Everything we post on Facebook or tweet should be done to encourage and help the family, keeping their situation in mind. Refrain from gossip and idle chatter (Eph. 4:29).
Continue loving them in the days ahead. As Christians, we should respond to crisis, but ministry continues for a lifetime (I Peter 4:10-11).
Pray for them, asking God to love them, comfort them, and meet their needs through his divine power (Col. 1:11).

December 10, 2013March 31, 2014 Peter Witkowski Christmas, Pain & Suffering

The Dark Side of Christmas

After quick scan of the Christmas tree, we all let out a sigh of relief and then began giggling. My younger siblings and I had once again found our favorite Christmas ornament stealthily hidden behind the dark green branches of our tree. With glee, we energetically returned the cardboard decoration, containing my older brother’s preschool class photo (a photo which had been snapped under protest) to the center of the tree. A few hours later, we would notice that our well-teased older brother had moved the ornament back to the dark side of the tree. Undaunted, we would once again take it upon ourselves to cheerfully return the pouty face picture to the front of the tree. As the years went by, we launched an unofficial Witkowski family tradition ornament hide and seek!

In the same way, many of us view Christmas as a time to play hide and seek with the undesirable pictures of life. We strive to jingle all the way through December. Everywhere we look, we see smiling children, happy families, and cheery movies. When we peek into church, we catch a view of nativity sets staffed by cute, little faces adorned in colorful bedding and drapes. We naturally conclude that Christmas is about being happy on earth. Seeking to comply with the Christmas way, we often spend several weeks each winter pretending that our lives are free from the consequences of the fall. We banish the images of a mother grieving the absence of her child, of an unemployed father unable to buy gifts for his children, and of a child distressed by the absence of a grandparent to the undecorated side of our trees. We try to hide the dark side of Christmas.

Though society may not see the sorrow sketched into our hearts, we have to admit that our sorrow returns often to the front of our minds. Regardless how hard we strive to greet people with an upbeat, “Merry Christmas,” we cannot will ourselves to happiness. As white lights begin to sparkle, we find ourselves alone in darkness.

But the good news of the Christmas story is that we are not called to the impossible task of wishing away our worries. Nor are we called to ride a one-horse-open-sleigh to other extreme of decorating our houses with grumpy pictures. We are called to overcome our despair through Christ.

Jesus came to earth to save his hurting people from the darkness. Jesus came so that the innocent, little babies Herod murdered could rest in the arms of God the Father (Mat 2:16-18). Jesus came so that the weeping voices that echoed long ago through the hills Bethlehem could have comfort. Jesus came, lived, died, and rose again to overcome the evil from without and the evil from within. Jesus came to give the sorrow laden people who believe on him hope and everlasting joy.

And as we celebrate Christ birth thousands of years later, we do not have to hide our sorrows in darkness, greeting everyone with one of Santa’s famous “Ho, Ho Ho!” Nor do we make our suffering the center of the holiday season, complaining Grinch-ly that everything happy is but, “noise, noise noise!” As Christians, we overcome the darkness of holiday depression with the truth of the gospel that appeared in the form of baby! As C.J. Mahaney writes, “Don’t listen to yourself; talk to yourself…expend your energies admiring, exploring, expositing, and extolling Jesus Christ” (Mahaney, 2002).

As we prepare to open presents, we can admit that we miss seeing grandma sitting in her favorite chair. We can reminisce about our spouse’s cheerful smile that accompanied every plate of scrumptious pancakes. And, we can shed tears for the baby who never saw its parent’s modest little tree. We can mourn the effects of sin that removed God’s blessings from our lives. But, we do not stop here.

We begin preaching to ourselves. We rejoice this Christmas because Jesus’s arrival points us to the gift of eternal life, a gift that far outweighs any amount of earthly suffering. We will once again see our loved ones in glory and know that one day all of this world’s injustice will be set aright. As we gaze at candy canes, we know that God’s mercy is new every morning, caring us through all of our struggles. We can trust God’s promise to never leave of forsake us. And as we sip hot cocoa, we can encourage one another with the assurance of Christ’s next coming. We look forward to the new heavens and new earth where the:

The voice of weeping shall no longer be heard in her,
Nor the voice of crying.

No more shall an infant from there live but a few days,
Nor an old man who has not fulfilled his days; (Isaiah 65:19a-20).

As we remember the one who was born manger, we can sing “With heart, and soul, and voice” because “Jesus Christ was born to save.”

This Christmas, we do not have to wish our suffering out of sight. Nor do we have to display it prominently for all to see. Rather, we admit that we suffer. Then, we embrace our savior who suffered and died to save his people. Because of Christ, we who are predisposed to haunt the darkest corners of the Christmas season may now joyful sing:

“Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel

Shall come to thee, O Israel!”