Peter Witkowski Parenting

Getting Back Up After Sin

stairs-blogSin stinks. And I think that the stench is even worse when we sin against our kids. Every time I sin against my toddler son or baby girl, I feel the weight of it twice over. So how do we find relief? What do we do when we mess up and dishonor God with our thoughts, words, and actions? We take a look at a very familiar Bible story found in Luke 1.

The Setting

In Luke chapter 1, we meet Zachariah and Elizabeth. They are both describes as being, “righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statutes of the Lord” (Luke 1:6).  But as with all good stories, Zacharias and Elizabeth face a large crisis. They have no children. And though many Americans view children as an imposition to their rightful exaltation of their selfish desires, the ancient Jews viewed kids as a blessing. They understood the Word of God. You were to want children. Because Zachariah and Elizabeth had no children, their lives were undoubtedly a conundrum to themselves and to those around them (Luke 1:25). They all had to be asking, “why would someone so godly not have kids?”

The Sin 

The answer, God even greater plans for them. Plans they could not even imagine. So God sent an angel to tell Zachariah that he was going to send the couple a son. And not just any son, he was going to send them a child with the spirit of Elijah who would turn many to the Lord (Luke 1:16-17).  And now we get to good part of the story. Zachariah says no. He tells an angel that he is too old to have a baby. He tells a supernatural being with a supernatural message that the supernatural cannot happen. He blows it; he sins. After a lifetime of following God, he doubts God’s goodness. He sins and becomes mute.

When we sin, we follow Zachariah’s pattern. We stop believing the promises of God. Sure we aren’t contradicting the word of an angel. Talk about an insane moment. But we can still relate.

If the truth be told, we are doing something far worse. We are doubting the love and wisdom of our risen savior. We are ignoring a lifetime with the savior, and once again trust in our flesh. And when we snap at our kid for interrupting our football game, for not doing the dishes, and for lying about her homework, we fail to trust God. We assume that God cannot work. We assume that happiness comes from us getting what when we want it. When it doesn’t  happen, we doubt God’s goodness and power. We sin. And as Zachariah, we suffer the consequences of our sin. We experience broken relationships. Momentary lapses come with real loss.

The Solution

So how do we get back on our feet? How do we recover? We do what Zachariah did. We start trusting in the Lord. We repent and remember that God is good. We remember that our obedience to God is not driven by others. It is driven by our love for God who first loved us. The solution for doubt is trust. And as we begin to renew our trust in God, obedience and joy will follow. When it came time to name John, Zachariah obeyed God. He named John, John even though all his friends wanted John to be Z. Jr. Zachariah obeyed (Luke 1:63).

The solution for all of us who have doubted God and made a mess of things is to trust and obey. Even if we have sinned against our kids who are too little to speak, we can find restoration through Christ if we will repent.

Have you sinned recently against your family? Repent, set your mind on Christ, and begin obeying!

Are you ready for joy to return to your home?

Peter Witkowski Parenting

Why’s Is Parenting God’s Blessings So Hard?

kids hard blogFew things beat being greeted by the sound of my son’s, “Hi..Da.da.”  And it is impossible to describe the joy that came with seeing my baby girl’s first smile. Kids truly are a blessing from the Lord. As Psalm 127:3 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” Quite naturally, we should long for our homes and street to be filled with playful little faces (Zech 8:5).

But at the same time, having little ones can in the home can be the ultimate challenge. They wake up all night long. They poop on our clothes. And they throw temper tantrums at the most embarrassing moments. In short, kids are a lot of work. And most every parent needs time away from their little loved ones to maintain their sanity.

The Great Dilemma

And so we face a dilemma. On the one hand, we love being parents. On the other hand, we can’t wait to get away from them. Talk to us one day, and we are ready to compete with the size of the Duggar family. Talk to us the next day, and we want to send all our one kids to boarding school in Switzerland. Why are God’s blessing so hard to parent?

Why is Parenting Hard?

The short answer is sin. Kids are a blessing. But the whole process of child rearing is tainted by sin. Think back to Genesis 3. Part of the sin’s curse is pain in childbearing. As God said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children” (Gen. 3:16). The scriptures anticipate that children can and often do bring pain to their parents as they grow up (Deut. 21:18-21; Prov. 17:25). If kids were naturally obedient, there would be no need for the 5th commandment. But it exists because kids kids hard blogapart from God’s saving grace will not want to obey their parents.  

So can we really consider kids to be a blessing? Yes. But as with all of God’s good gifts, kids are infected by sin. As a result, that which was originally intended to bring only blessing can now bring sorrow. Kids can cause pain, suffering, and sleepless nights. And kids are not the only blessing that has been turned on its head.

Think about wealth. Often wealth is a sign of divine blessing and favor (Deut. 28 1-8). But because of our sinful hearts, money and riches can lead us away from God. Wealth can make us self-sufficient, prideful, and standoffish. Wealth can spawn a ton of sinful habits. As Paul writes in 1 Timothy 6:10 “For the love of money is the root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”

What Do We Do?

So what do we do? Do we pretend that parenting is a cakewalk? Do we write off kids a burden and go travel the globe?

Well, we keep a biblical perspective. We count kids as divine blessings. One of the greatest honors we can get on earth is godly children (Prov. 23:24). But at the same time, we can confess that parenting is hard. And when we do, we aren’t bashing our kids. Nor are we denying the word of God. We are simply affirming that we live in a fallen world. We are affirming the reality that sickness, our kids’ hearts, and our hearts make parenting hard. And we are affirming our longing for the true rest that comes when Christ returns. And as we wait for that day, we have hope. The Holy Spirit is working in us to give us the wisdom, the strength, and the fortitude to parent well. We are not alone. God will deliver us! His grace is sufficient!

So can parenting be both the best thing ever and the worst thing ever? Yes. Kids are both blessing and sinners. 

 

Peter Witkowski Parenting

Should We Teach Our Kids To Pray?

kids-prayWhen I was five-years-old, I fervently prayed for a little sibling. I hated being the youngest in my family. The idea of a having a younger brother or sister sounded cool. I could play with a baby, the old people would stop telling me how cute I was, and there would be someone else to blame for my messes. By God’s grace, my little sister was born. So did God answer my prayer? Did he answer the prayer of a little unconverted preschooler?

How we answer that question has huge implications for how we raise our kids. The answer to the questions shapes how we teach our kids to pray. So…did God answer my prayer?

The answer is:

How Prayer Works

As one theologian said, prayer is “Our response to God as he speaks to us.” Our ability to reach the ear of God is tied to the work of Christ. To cry “Abba Father,” we must be members of God’s family.  God listens to our prayers not because we are impressive. He listens to our prayers because we are in Jesus. The Father always hears the prayers of his son (John 11:41-42). Since we are sons with Jesus, we can be confident that the Father hears us as well. When Christians pray to the Father, he does not see dirty sinners. He sees sons redeemed by the death of Christ on the cross (Gal 4:6-7). Our ability to reach God is directly tied to our identification with his son. If we have not died to our sin and if we have not been risen again, then we cannot reach God.

Moreover, prayer is based upon the word of God. Good prayers are passed on God’s Word. We ask God to fulfill his will. Those who do not believe the Word, cannot meaningfully speak to God (I John 5:14-15). Yes, sinners can ask for things selfishly. But, they cannot ask for things according to the scriptures that they have rejected. They cannot respond appropriately to the Word of God.

In short, every unredeemed man, women, and child is unable to access the throne room. They are not sons of God but slaves to sin. Most of their prayers but one goes unheard. So did God answer my prayer? No.

What Do We Tell Our Kids?

Should we every encourage our kids to pray? Yes and no. Yes, it is good for kids to learn how to pray. It is good for them to confess to God that every good gift comes from above. By recognizing God’s authority, they may avoid the prideful boasts that doomed both Nebuchadnezzar and Herod. One went nuts; the other died boasting.  Prayers like the following: “I thank you for mommy, daddy, grandma JoJo, the dog, and basketballs, Amen” are good and proper offerings. They help kids understand their relation to their divine creator.

Even more importantly, kids should pray because salvation comes through prayer. When one believes, he cries out to God the Father for salvation through the Holy Spirit. The new believer confesses Christ through prayer. Because prayer plays such a key role in salvation, parents should introduce their kids to prayer. And parents should encourage their kids to pray for forgiveness. Parents should teach equip their kids to cry out to God.

Limited Focus

And now for the negative. While Parents should encourage prayer, they must also place biblical limits when and how their kids pray. Because unsaved kids cannot reach the throne room of God, we should not charge them to pray for the family, to pray in church services, or to pray for those in need. We should let unredeemed sinners (even the cute ones) offer prayers for in our stead. God will not hear those prayers. Rather as believers, we should pray alongside or in place of our children for specific requests and needs. And then, we should explain to our kids that Christ only hears the prayers of his children. In short, keeping a proper perspective on childhood prayer will lead to more gospel conversations with our kids.

Closing Thoughts

So did God answer my prayer for a baby sister? The answer is no. But I still have a little sister. What happened?  God had planned to bless my family with my little sister. He did in fact work out his plans through the prayers of my mother and other believers. But he did not answer my prayer. I had no part in his divine will.  And while it is good for us to teach our kids to pray, we must always remind them that only the sons of God can reach their father.

How do you handle prayer in your family?